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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be cutting up my 4 year old's grapes?

209 replies

surreygirl1987 · 04/03/2023 20:12

Was at a party this afternoon. The host had an amazing fruit platter prepared for the kids in the village hall. Grapes weren't cut up. Most parents plonked grapes on their kids' places without cutting them, or let the kids help themselves. These are 3-4 years olds. I plucked a bunch off and tore them into smaller pieces for my 4 year old (as I know grapes are a choking hazard). Am I the one being unreasonable here or are the other parents? I do think I was the only one that was bothered but I thought grapes can still be risky at 4...? What do other parents do??

OP posts:
TurquoiseDress · 05/03/2023 00:17

YANBU!

I do this with grapes for my kids, they are 4 and almost 9

Also v cautious with sausages too

jannier · 05/03/2023 00:18

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 04/03/2023 21:11

The liklihood of coming into contact with a road without you or another adult there, at a young age is less likely than them coming into contact with grape/cherry tomato/other choking hazard food. As the OP pointed out most parents didn't care. Which implies that at play dates, parties, school even they may come into contact with the item.

Also your child i would assume by age 2 should have basic understanding of road safety (mine does!) And the same applies to other risks. You can't teach them overnight it's a process. Parents need to start the process in a safe enviorment with them, with basic choking first aid knowledge, before they go out solo into the world.

Show quote history

Your wrong no 2 year old understands the danger of a road ....in 2022 212 adults died of choking the average for all ages is just over 350

jannier · 05/03/2023 00:19

Mumof3teenagers · 04/03/2023 22:53

didn’t read thread so apologies.
You're supposed to half grapes ( length ways ) until child is at least 5 years old. I cut mine until they were 7.
There is a serious choking risk with whole grapes, so you’re certainly are not being unreasonable.

It's quarter not half

Pointlessuser · 05/03/2023 00:22

Having seen my DC choke on food before I am super careful about everything I give them. Still cut up grapes, I still worry almost every meal time, if I could still give them puréed food I would but I know that is 100% my anxiety

jannier · 05/03/2023 00:29

Nobody has mentioned peanut butter.....that's on the list of do not give as well as popcorn and marshmellows.....child accident prevention trust advice.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 05/03/2023 00:34

Thank you to all those mentioning sausages. I almost lost DS due to him choking on a sausage. He took a bite and only chewed the part closest to his teeth and the back part was unchewed and he choked. I have never been so sacred in all my life.

His lips turned blue, and he sat so still and still and silent. The force I use to hit him in his back, the Heimlich manoeuvres, physically scooping food out of his mouth it is all with me to this day, over a decade later. And when it finally can free, the tortured intake of air - his actual crying was a relief after the deathly silence.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 05/03/2023 00:49

YANBU to me. DD is 10 and I’d still cut them in half if I wouldn’t be with her while she’s eating them. I suppose maybe they thought it’d be fine because parents would be watching them eat at the party but I’ve got a thing about grapes, and cherry tomatoes and after this thread popcorn🫣

Pubesofsoberness · 05/03/2023 00:50

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 05/03/2023 00:34

Thank you to all those mentioning sausages. I almost lost DS due to him choking on a sausage. He took a bite and only chewed the part closest to his teeth and the back part was unchewed and he choked. I have never been so sacred in all my life.

His lips turned blue, and he sat so still and still and silent. The force I use to hit him in his back, the Heimlich manoeuvres, physically scooping food out of his mouth it is all with me to this day, over a decade later. And when it finally can free, the tortured intake of air - his actual crying was a relief after the deathly silence.

That's awful, can't imagine how scary that must have been for you. I'm not sure what the stats are now but when I was training to be a nurse children choking on sausage wasn't far behind them choking on grapes

It's probably not something Pete think a lot about, all the stuff you see on sm is about grapes really

Pubesofsoberness · 05/03/2023 00:51

Pete! People

DaysofHoney · 05/03/2023 00:51

Grapes, cherry toms, etc… yes! Mine are 9 and 7 and I think I just always will halve them now.

I need to hear mini eggs etc crack in a mouth before I’m happy. But We had a near miss with DS and a finger of mango (as advised by baby weaning book as it’s nice and soft). It’s also slippery as hell and disappeared right down his throat, so I’m exceptionally careful now.

Pubesofsoberness · 05/03/2023 00:55

DaysofHoney · 05/03/2023 00:51

Grapes, cherry toms, etc… yes! Mine are 9 and 7 and I think I just always will halve them now.

I need to hear mini eggs etc crack in a mouth before I’m happy. But We had a near miss with DS and a finger of mango (as advised by baby weaning book as it’s nice and soft). It’s also slippery as hell and disappeared right down his throat, so I’m exceptionally careful now.

My youngest dgd loves mango, I had her for a few months once a week when dil went back to work last year and even cutting the slippery fuckers into thin strips made me nervous 🤣

thehourwaslate · 05/03/2023 01:03

This very same thing happened to me today too, (village hall party as well!) though the grapes were on skewers. I didn’t cut them, but I felt very uneasy about it and made sure my DS bit them as he was putting them into his mouth. I was surprised too that they weren’t cut (it was a 4 year old’s party but some younger siblings were there too). Glad to see the replies on here suggest most people wouldn’t have served them like that!

SleepyRich · 05/03/2023 01:18

We've never cut up grapes for our children at any age but I wouldn't think anything of someone else cutting grapes up for their kid.

rosewater20 · 05/03/2023 01:53

I am so glad that I read this thread, it has given me some things to think about in terms of food safety.

We quarter grapes for our toddler but we have also taught them how to bite them in half and my thinking behind that was that if they are given a whole one when we aren't around then hopefully they would at least know to bite them. I am thinking now that maybe I should have been teaching them to bite them length wise instead? I thought about teaching them to say no when offered grapes, etc. but its one of their favourite foods and I just don't think in the moment they would remember to say no.

We don't allow nuts, popcorn and also cut sausages lengthwise. We do talk a lot about food safety with our toddler and I just hope that doing all of the above reduces the chances of something bad happening.

I will also say that I have learned that not all parents have the same risk assessment for their children, even when it comes to what I view as common sense behavior such as following safety guidelines. I have had some parents poke fun at me for being "too anxious" by cutting up grapes and that means my children will never play alone at their homes because they don't align with me on safety.

fUNNYfACE36 · 05/03/2023 02:09

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/03/2023 20:23

Not unreasonable at all. Even adults can choke on a grape, there's not an age where they're not a risk.

I know that sounds daft/over cautious, but a paramedic friend told me of being unable to get a grape out of an adults throat and they died. Apparently tiny have tiny burrs/hairs and stick like Velcro. Even someone well trained in heimlich is unlikely to be able to shift one. It's not a risk worth taking imo when they taste just the same cut!

When we were kids we used to play with DM truing to see who could fit the most grapes in their mouth without chewing. Makes me come over all hot and cold just thinking about it.

Can't they do a tracheotomy?

fUNNYfACE36 · 05/03/2023 02:15

ForestofD · 04/03/2023 20:44

I have a very good friend who worked in A&E for many years as a Dr. Our children became friends when they were young- she told me firmly and in no uncertain terms, about cutting up a grape. Apparently they have a certain tool to get things out of the throat- and she said a grape forms the most perfect vacuum and makes it nearly impossible to move.

It's obvious really- the lungs are pulling as hard as they can downwards and totally blocks the hole. She said with things like meat, they could usually get a hold of something to move it, or get down the side of it- but not with a grape.

It never really occurred to me but now it makes perfect sense.

Why can't they put a tool through the middle that springs open like an umbrella so they can pull it out, or just pierce it and stick a tube through it so air can get through?

Jewelanemone · 05/03/2023 02:25

Not only are grapes, blueberries and sausages banned at the nursery I work in, but also plums, peaches and nectarines as the skin can form a flap which blocks the airway. Waps are now banned since we had a child nearly choke on a bite of one.

CremeEggQueen · 05/03/2023 02:31

I always used to chop them up at that age for mine, they're a known choking hazard.
Think I still did up until the age of around 8 or 9 if I remember correctly!

SleepyRich · 05/03/2023 02:31

fUNNYfACE36 · 05/03/2023 02:09

Can't they do a tracheotomy?

Show quote history

Only a very small number of critical care paramedics can do a surgical airway, most can do what's called a needle cric, essentially you insert a cannula into the wind pipe. Imagine trying to breath through a very small straw for any amount of time.

Kids can choke on pretty much anything, I think the most common is boiled/hard sweets then carrot sticks, then meat, then grapes. With adults you can normally visualise the block with larygoscopy and pluck it out. But the kid specific ones are too expensive so we don't carry them. Hence paramedics not being able to see the obstruction to remove it.

Passthewinebottle · 05/03/2023 02:42

My friend is a paediatric consultant. He told me how many choking issues are related to grapes I'll cut them forever more

tangeriiinedrream · 05/03/2023 02:50

I cut grapes for my 9 year old son and I will continue to do so until he proves to me he can eat a meal or a snack without jumping, pirouetting, cartwheeling and generally dicking about between every other mouthful.

Some people might scoff about it, but an x ray of a grape lodged in the airway is absolutely horrifying.

marchella · 05/03/2023 04:09

Jewelanemone · 05/03/2023 02:25

Not only are grapes, blueberries and sausages banned at the nursery I work in, but also plums, peaches and nectarines as the skin can form a flap which blocks the airway. Waps are now banned since we had a child nearly choke on a bite of one.

Couldn't that happen with anything?

Jewelanemone · 05/03/2023 06:09

marchella · 05/03/2023 04:09

Couldn't that happen with anything?

Show quote history

Yes, but some items that are smooth and thick (like plum skins or a bite-sized piece of tortilla) can form a 'flap' in the airway.

Lincslady53 · 05/03/2023 06:27

We cut up our own grapes if we have a bowl of fresh fruit. They are a choking hazard for all ages. Not just children. We still eat them whole, straight off the bunch, but then it is more controlled one at a time.

Awumminnscotland · 05/03/2023 06:37

No we don't cut up grapes or anything here really. I've always just taught her to crush them immediately and made her aware of the dangers when eating them. It worked for her. I did try cutting them up at one point but she was outraged and demonstrated to me how she crushed them with might.
I send them grapes and tomatoes in go school regularly with no issues.
I do agree with chopping them up for the v young but they also need to know how to eat them safely for that time when they absent minded ly pop one in their mouths.