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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers Day

42 replies

Lizrachal · 04/03/2023 15:50

I always find Mother’s Day stressful, same as Christmas and Easter.

I have 2 little ones my hubby said Mother’s Day is meant to be about me now not my mum or his mum just me. I said that I would want to see my Mum on Mother’s Day though. He said then he’ll have to see his Mum. He’s not bothered about seeing his Mum he’s just being nit picky. I’ve asked him if he’s planned anything for me yet and he said he hasn’t cos we don’t have the money.

Back story is my MIL is very difficult, we had a big family feud a couple of years ago and it’s been strained since, I have a SIL too who usually does something with MiL. My brother does not live locally. I’ve tried previously to do a group activity with both mothers/whole family and it was a total ball ache!

AIBU? To include my mum with whatever we are doing on Mother’s Day. Visit MIL day before with flowers and leave her to go out with SIL. Or should you see neither mother and just do our own thing the 4 of us and see my mother in the days up to Mother’s Day also?

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Swingwhenyourewinning · 04/03/2023 15:59

Well it’s your mum of course it’s also about her. His mum is not your mum so it’s not your responsibility weather he dose anything or not with his mum

Siennahh · 04/03/2023 16:01

It's about anyone who is a Mum. I wouldn't be trying to organise both sets together, even though mine get along with each other fine it's just not what we would do. As long as both are seen that weekend and acknowledged, I dont see the issue. I also don't see the issue with no plans if you have no money.

Lefteyetwitch · 04/03/2023 16:04

YABU.
Every argument you try to use to include your mum he can use for his.

So either do as he suggests and do one day for your main family and then fit the myms around that.
Or you include her.

You can't have it both ways.

ThinWomansBrain · 04/03/2023 16:04

Well some might see it as just an opportunity for card shops to flog more tat...

But given you see it as a special day, he's agreed it's "your day" - do what you want - and if that's seeing your mum, do it.

Bunnyishotandcross · 04/03/2023 16:06

Just send him to his dm's and you see yours with dc...
Guess who will have the better day?

Bigmummaof2 · 04/03/2023 16:06

See both mums in the lead up to it.

Go to a nice park & have a picnic if the weather is nice on Mother’s Day and enjoy it with your family. X

SeasonFinale · 04/03/2023 16:09

Here we go again. How depressing for us mums with boys to see how our lives may be with some DILS.

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 04/03/2023 16:11

SeasonFinale · 04/03/2023 16:09

Here we go again. How depressing for us mums with boys to see how our lives may be with some DILS.

As a mother of boys I will have no issue at all with them doing their own thing in Mother’s Day (or any other day) when they are adults.

DevantMaJardin · 04/03/2023 16:17

SeasonFinale · 04/03/2023 16:09

Here we go again. How depressing for us mums with boys to see how our lives may be with some DILS.

She's not stopping him though, she literally said he doesn't want to see his mum, he's just being intentionally obtuse. Maybe stop blaming DILs for things beyond their control??

PonyPatter44 · 04/03/2023 16:22

I'm more unimpressed that he can't be arsed to do anything for you. A card and chocolate is less than a fiver, or he could help your girls make something for you. He sounds like a bit of a knobhead, quite honestly.

DuvetDownn · 04/03/2023 16:23

Can you see your DM and do something nice as a family as well?

Bunnyishotandcross · 04/03/2023 17:16

Remember to use the same effort on Father's Day op.

SeasonFinale · 04/03/2023 17:31

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 04/03/2023 16:11

As a mother of boys I will have no issue at all with them doing their own thing in Mother’s Day (or any other day) when they are adults.

Show quote history

She is literally saying my MIL is very difficult ..... She has said she wants to see her mum ..... This follows the usual format of we do things with the female lineage and not with the male side. I get in this case the son isn't engaging but perhaps that is because he knows his wife gives him grief because the MIL is difficult (or she says she is). She hasn't said what the difficulty is. This MIL has a daughter she does engage with. Perhaps it surrounds that. It isn't the same a mum with just boys.

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 04/03/2023 17:38

SeasonFinale · 04/03/2023 17:31

She is literally saying my MIL is very difficult ..... She has said she wants to see her mum ..... This follows the usual format of we do things with the female lineage and not with the male side. I get in this case the son isn't engaging but perhaps that is because he knows his wife gives him grief because the MIL is difficult (or she says she is). She hasn't said what the difficulty is. This MIL has a daughter she does engage with. Perhaps it surrounds that. It isn't the same a mum with just boys.

Show quote history

Ok because males can’t possibly make their own decisions.

GoodChat · 04/03/2023 17:50

We will either see my DM on the Saturday and his on the Sunday and then go for lunch or vice versa.

sandyhappypeople · 04/03/2023 17:57

I hate the tit for tat dynamic, to me it all depends on your relationship with the person, not that everyone is treated ‘fairly’ don’t worry too much about it.

Although saying that, to me, Mother’s Day should be honoured with a card and flowers or choccies etc, something to at least show you care, maybe a quick drop in or it could be the day before or after even. But If that was me and I had a strained relationship with my MIL I wouldn’t be going to ANY extra effort other than the above.

I don’t have my mum anymore, but my MIL is lovely and I treat her as I would if my mum was still around, I’ll probably do the above, then offer to take her out for lunch the week after with my little’un (I HATE going out to places on days that are known for being busy, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day etc, it’s such a chore!) and you just know those garden centres are going to be bosting at the seams Sunday morning! 😂

Survey99 · 04/03/2023 17:58

Dont see what there is to get stressed about, it is about people appreciating their mothers. So you spend some time with your mum, he does the same with his mum. Perhaps a card, cake, flowers or a plant.

Decide between you who the kids go with. He helps the kids let you have a lie in and a bunch of flowers in the morning before you both go and see your own mothers. When your kids are old enough they will do the same with you.

Unreasonable expectations of major spoiling from partners (you are not their mother), and perceived let downs has totally ruined essence of the actual day.

daisypond · 04/03/2023 18:04

I don’t really understand. Why would you ask if he’d planned anything for you? What is there to plan? A card, a bunch of daffodils? You can see your mum if you want, but so can he. But you are a mum to your DC too, so it’s not likely you can do all that in one day.

daisypond · 04/03/2023 18:07

I mean, Mother’s Day isn’t a day of presents and special days out. A lie-in and breakfast in bed maybe.

daisypond · 04/03/2023 18:09

Meant to add, the breakfast in bed and flowers are “from” your own DC to you, not from your DH to you.

worried4698643 · 04/03/2023 18:27

You go to your mums with the children. He goes to his mums. Spend the morning with your own mothers and do something together in the pm.

PennyRa · 04/03/2023 19:00

It's not up to you, it's his mum

Original poster
Lizrachal · 04/03/2023 19:07

PennyRa · 04/03/2023 19:00

It's not up to you, it's his mum

He’s not worried about seeing his Mum on the actual day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizrachal · 04/03/2023 19:08

daisypond · 04/03/2023 18:04

I don’t really understand. Why would you ask if he’d planned anything for you? What is there to plan? A card, a bunch of daffodils? You can see your mum if you want, but so can he. But you are a mum to your DC too, so it’s not likely you can do all that in one day.

I asked as he was saying it was about me and not my mum so I simply asked if he had anything planned that she couldn’t come along with us too.

OP posts:
lieselotte · 04/03/2023 19:08

SeasonFinale · 04/03/2023 16:09

Here we go again. How depressing for us mums with boys to see how our lives may be with some DILS.

It's a made-up day and causes far too much angst. Breakfast in bed, ugh. Picnics, ugh. Overpriced and overcrowded restaurants, ugh.

And since I was an adult I've seen my mum twice on Mother's Day. Once was by accident as we went to my cousin's 50th, which was the same weekend.

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