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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend tight

60 replies

Abbodabs · 04/03/2023 15:36

So Aibu ? We went on a date I drove us around all night,so didn’t drink and he mentioned in a passing comment I was tight as I didn’t do rounds when I was on soft drinks and he drunk alcohol all night long.I didn’t think I was out of order not buying his alcohol all night long.
I bought dinner that night as he bought a lot of soft drinks.just pizza.Last time I bought us dinner again and he said il get lunch.We went to the pub for lunch the next day and it was so embarrassing and he said “oh I can’t afford to get you lunch now “ il get you a soft drink.
AIBU ? To of felt a little hurt.
He makes us split every thing money wise if we go on a date etc etc I totally understand that.But i felt embarrassed in-front of everyone in the pub when we was waiting to be served.He knew as a single parent the night before he see my bank balance was extremely empty,I didn’t have much money left that was why he was going to get me lunch as I got him dinner.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 04/03/2023 15:38

He he tight or skint?

ToLongToCharge · 04/03/2023 15:40

Sounds like nether of you can afford to go out
Stay in more

Pollywoddles · 04/03/2023 15:41

I don’t think you are compatible OP. You can do better than this one. A decent man would have recognised that you don’t have the money to be out buying drinks and dinner, lunch etc. and would have suggested an alternative.

ThinWomansBrain · 04/03/2023 15:42

if you think he's a loser - or even just not someone you enjoy spending time with - why bother?

STARCATCHER22 · 04/03/2023 15:43

ToLongToCharge · 04/03/2023 15:40

Sounds like nether of you can afford to go out
Stay in more

This.

You seem to be out a lot for two people who can’t afford to be.

MamOfFive · 04/03/2023 15:43

If you can't afford to go out, you need to stay in.
That simple really.

DancingDaughter50 · 04/03/2023 15:45

Op it's him that is tight and he's deflecting it onto you... You should not be letting men you barely know see your bank balance anyway.

He sounds awful.

Siennahh · 04/03/2023 15:46

Sounds like you both need to stay in. I couldn't be arsed in a relationship getting funny about not buying drinks because they are alcoholic! You're either feeling it or you're not, and it sounds like you are both not.

feelinglikeanewparent · 04/03/2023 15:46

When he took you for lunch and then said he couldn't buy you any, did he have any lunch?

Dacadactyl · 04/03/2023 15:47

Yep he is tight as. I'd dump him. Couldnt be with a stingy bloke...not my thing at all.

category12 · 04/03/2023 15:52

If he couldn't afford to buy you lunch then he should have said before you went to the pub together. Sounds like he was deliberately trying to embarrass you or make a point.

Rotten to say he'd buy lunch if you bought dinner and then not do his part.

And no, it's not fair to buy rounds when you're skint & on soft drinks and he's drinking. Should buy your own if it's an issue for him.

Sounds like a bit of a git.

Coyoacan · 04/03/2023 15:54

Sounds like nether of you can afford to go out

Well, there are lots of things one can do without spending much money, especially if you avoid alcohol.

cocksstrideintheevening · 04/03/2023 15:58

There's a difference between tight and skint. Which is he?

Aprilx · 04/03/2023 16:01

It sounds like you are both skint and maybe should cut back on the eating out.

Oneofakind1 · 04/03/2023 16:05

Yes I thought it sounds like a lot of eating and drinking out and it is expensive especially if you are doing it two days in a row.

Bollindger · 04/03/2023 16:06

Never ever have I as a woman let anyone go hungry when out together with them.
I will adjust where we eat, or buy food to share, if a meal is too expensive.
Also I won't go if I can't cover myself, I never let myself get caught.

Mindymomo · 04/03/2023 16:11

I hope he’s paying petrol money if you always drive.

LadyKenya · 04/03/2023 16:11

As pp mentioned, why on earth are you letting him see your bank balance? No point in going out to eat, if money is such an issue.

TimeForChanges123 · 04/03/2023 16:19

What a fucking loser

scoobydoo1971 · 04/03/2023 16:34

There are two things here. He sounds skint, and so do you. Nothing wrong with that, but you have to adapt your lifestyle accordingly. As such, lunch becomes food prepared at home that becomes a picnic, or at least a meal deal from a shop. The moment you step in a pub, cafe or restaurant you are paying a premium for service.

The second thing, and one I would not tolerate from a boyfriend is petty counting over purchases and going Dutch. That is just unattractive, and also reflects badly on a personality. If they are not financially tolerant, can you imagine them being good to you if you were ill? Unable to work for some good reason? He does not sound kind or generous spirited at all. I am not suggesting he should pay all the time on dates, but there is nothing more grinding on the soul that a mean person.

There have been a few posts from single mum's lately stating their boyfriends are moochers (or words to that effect). The collective wisdom is that you should run for the hills, and I agree with that. I suppose present economic times brings out the worst in the wannabee cocklodgers. Think of your family and how your money is for them. Move on, and you will be richer.

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/03/2023 16:45

Dump him and stay in more. You can't afford to spend money in cafés or pubs at the moment.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 04/03/2023 16:50

cocksstrideintheevening · 04/03/2023 15:58

There's a difference between tight and skint. Which is he?

Yes this

Jooliusreezer · 04/03/2023 17:45

Abbodabs · 04/03/2023 15:36

So Aibu ? We went on a date I drove us around all night,so didn’t drink and he mentioned in a passing comment I was tight as I didn’t do rounds when I was on soft drinks and he drunk alcohol all night long.I didn’t think I was out of order not buying his alcohol all night long.
I bought dinner that night as he bought a lot of soft drinks.just pizza.Last time I bought us dinner again and he said il get lunch.We went to the pub for lunch the next day and it was so embarrassing and he said “oh I can’t afford to get you lunch now “ il get you a soft drink.
AIBU ? To of felt a little hurt.
He makes us split every thing money wise if we go on a date etc etc I totally understand that.But i felt embarrassed in-front of everyone in the pub when we was waiting to be served.He knew as a single parent the night before he see my bank balance was extremely empty,I didn’t have much money left that was why he was going to get me lunch as I got him dinner.

Wait, did he buy himself lunch that day in the pub and not you?

Stop spending your money on this guy, and tell him to fuck off.

tothelefttotheleft · 04/03/2023 18:08

Does he give you petrol money? I bet he doesn't......

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 04/03/2023 18:16

I would get rid. It sounds like a crappy relationship TBH.