To essentially kick one child out for the other?

[purplediscolove]

Am I being unreasonable in thinking my partner is being unreasonable in expecting me and our child who's 16 months old to stay elsewhere for one night every two weeks so he can have 1-1 time with his eldest who he sees twice a week and has every other weekend?

To me 1-1 time when your a blended family/family should be days out 1-1, football? Park on there own?Anything me and the baby can't do or won't do that suits them? Having a few hours together while I pop out or even popping out themselves?

Before we had our child this was never a thing we did Everything together and it's only just become more of a recent thing and it's making me look at my partner like he's a weirdo and can't hack being a dad to a 16 month old so it's his easy escape for a night off. Then the eldest can behave how they want and be as loud as they want. When in my head it's life it's the life he chose wanting another child it's the way he knew it would be so why is he isolating our child for this period everyone knew what having another child would do share time between children etc and I'm not saying we all need to be together 24/7 but to kick us out for a whole entire night is too much.

Well done. Where are you now? Keep ignoring him, he sounds like very bad news.

He's shown his true colours OP and you are absolutely correct to say that your child's welfare comes above everything else.

I suspect this took a lot of guts. I hope you find your courage empowering. No-one deserves to be in a relationship where they are viewed as an inconvenience and a burden. It's sad for your child but they're young and will recover. Your little one liked the excitement of her dad, but it's the security and real love from you that counts.
When mothers day hits, don't worry about cards and presents, just be proud of yourself for being good mum x

Well done, OP. You’re brave and you’ve made a big and important step. Keep ignoring the twat, it will completely rob him of any power, and you won’t be constantly knocked about by what he says. Get sorted, feel strong, look forward.

@JudgeRudy @Doesthepopeshitinthewoods

Im not giving in this time, he scares me anyway and to be honest I’m fed up of not being a standard family unit. I have been around for nearly 3 years and been part of the eldest life for that long and I’m still not valued or validated as something important better yet neither is his sister. It’s not the child’s fault it’s how his dad has made it be.

I love my little part time job, they love me. My daughter goes two days a week so I have me days. My family are supportive I was at dinner tonight at my sisters, going out for dinner tomorrow for a birthday. My mum and her partner are brilliant and have said If I struggle financially they will help me although I have it all down to a T because that’s one thing I kept everything seperate. He’s meant to pay me maintenance Tuesday( I found this weird as a couple but accepted it anyway) if it isn’t in by Tuesday afternoon I’ll put a cms claim in on him.

I have a friend who I talk to everyday and most of all I have our child who is the most beautiful special clever baby ever and I couldn’t be prouder all while he’s sat at home lonely stewing away waiting for the weekend to come round to have his eldest.

i know I can have a better life than he has to offer.

im also debating on contact with our daughter when he wants to ask cause this is how I know he’ll try and keep control of me he’s done it to his exs before. He’s also abusive violent and agressive and has been towards me on occasions and to be honest if he didn’t have access to me and wasn’t in a relationship I wouldn’t worry so much but I know he’ll find his next supply/victim and i would then feel like I’m not protecting our child from him when he treats the next one how he has me her mum infront of her ? I know he isn’t going to move on tomorrow but I just don’t know how to feel comfortable allowing contact if at all but I don’t want to be seen as the bad one. My dad was awful to my mum so I’m even more determined to not let this happen

Fuck that.

Get yourself to the police or speak to someone in social services,you need an injunction out against this man, he’s a danger to you. Someone aggressive and coercive ,as you say,can potentially react violently ,even if they appear calm, if youve disrespected him in his eyes.If he wants visits they need at the least to be supervised. He has cohabited with a drug user and is likely a drug user or former one himself. He wants you out of the way overnight when a ten year old would be in bed early , sounds like having a binge or someone else over, he has absolutely no respect for you at the very least.You are well shot, well done being so strong.

i sat back tonight and thought wow this Is not normal. My mum goes away a lot so I go there and either be company for my brother or just house sit.

What?
Are you saying that you are already playing along with his insanity & selfishness?

He has just told you where you come in his pecking order.
he & his son first - you just tidy yourself & the inconvenient baby out of the way whenever he says so.

I would LTB for this awful entitlement & dismissiveness alone. He's like some fucking Victorian Dad & wife-owner, ordeirng you AND YOUR BABY out of your own home.

Why do you stay with him - can you not afford to leave yet?

Tell him to fuck right off. Idiot.

Apologies OP have caught up with ALL your updates now

Congratulations on making your stand & getting out.
Your ex is a twisted fuck.
You are going to be so much more content & confident now he;s out of your life.

Surely even on pure logistics, taking a toddler anywhere overnight is like an adult packing for a week away? The toddler and all their stuff stays put (apart from very occasional trips to stay with grandparents etc, which may result in your DH home alone for a night). If he and an older child want a night away, fine, but not weekly because of the hotel bill if nothing else!

@BestZebbie literally it’s like moving in and moving out everything!! He only got as far as to make me do it twice.

@TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu Yess I’ve left and I have been viewing places this week as the council won’t help as quick as I’d like. I kept my finances separate and never ever let myself rely on him for nothing.

@Feraldogmum we already had the social services involved beforehand so I’m absolutely petrified of them again as he put on such a good show. So for now while I’m out and getting into my own place and with support. I will continue to withhold contact and if he wants to he can go to court. Which is where Social services can step back in if they wish. I’m petrified of loosing my daughter. Another reason why i also stood my ground and left he isn’t abusing either of us at all anymore. he lets his child stay up all hours and falls asleep before him. When k was there last I got the whole ” atleast when I fall asleep he’ll have company” so with that I took myself to bed. Because I felt like he was trying to play mine games with me considering the night before the same would’ve happened he’d of fell
asleep and left the child to his own devices( he doesn’t move from his PlayStation)

He is clean from drugs though he was once a user and that’s probably one thing they had in common back then but he’s pulled himself off it and I think it’s purely because he can and he feels guilt for that one child who’s mother drinks ALOT and does it a lot where as I’m addicted to nothing apart from idiots as far as this goes.

We are still in no contact and he’s tried multiple times none of which was about our child.

I am happy my child is happy and we are safe. He is away with work so right now I have no worries and then at the wekend he has the eldest so I know the next 5/6 days are going to be fine.

Best of luck OP!
stay strong!
try to record all his calls (maybe even transcribe them) to have them on hand later to show that he’s not asking about your daughter.