Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To essentially kick one child out for the other?

63 replies

purplediscolove · 03/03/2023 20:37

Am I being unreasonable in thinking my partner is being unreasonable in expecting me and our child who's 16 months old to stay elsewhere for one night every two weeks so he can have 1-1 time with his eldest who he sees twice a week and has every other weekend?

To me 1-1 time when your a blended family/family should be days out 1-1, football? Park on there own?Anything me and the baby can't do or won't do that suits them? Having a few hours together while I pop out or even popping out themselves?

Before we had our child this was never a thing we did Everything together and it's only just become more of a recent thing and it's making me look at my partner like he's a weirdo and can't hack being a dad to a 16 month old so it's his easy escape for a night off. Then the eldest can behave how they want and be as loud as they want. When in my head it's life it's the life he chose wanting another child it's the way he knew it would be so why is he isolating our child for this period everyone knew what having another child would do share time between children etc and I'm not saying we all need to be together 24/7 but to kick us out for a whole entire night is too much.

OP posts:

PonyPatter44 · 03/03/2023 21:28

OP what would your DP do if you laughed and said of course you're not leaving the house this weekend?

maddening · 03/03/2023 21:28

He can rent another property for himself, he doesn't get to kick you out of your home

aSofaNearYou · 03/03/2023 21:28

purplediscolove · 03/03/2023 21:22

This is my next question to him because she is pretty much coming towards the understanding stage i mean she already does understand leaving daddy, daddy leaving for work? mummy leaving me with childminder/nanny/auntie for work. In no way can she verbally communicate but she sure can show her emotions at these things. I certainly won’t stand for it then when I’ve got her asking why daddy don’t want Us there? Part of me thinks it’s because she’s at the “ hard stage” where she’s loud she’s into everything she don’t stop she wants everything she can’t have. they take over the living room on these weekends so she is limited. They put a tv On a coffee table with in her eye level and reach and expect her to just be okay with it and not want to be a toddler nosying around. When she was alot younger they used to have it up high out of reach and now she’s more mobile they are going backwards. I dread these weekends because of my partner and only my partner his child is 10.

This is disgraceful.

5128gap · 03/03/2023 21:30

He's being ridiculous. Children don't need their baby siblings to disappear over night to have one on one time when their parents are together, so why should this be necessary because they're separated? I'm inclined to agree he finds parenting one easier than two, but that's too bad. As you say, it was his choice. He's making out it's for his child's benefit to manipulate you. You're a good step mum and he thinks you'll be more likely to agree if he frames it as in his child's interests.

Original poster

purplediscolove · 03/03/2023 21:33

@PonyPatter44

what Is worse is he’s 40. I got home earlier to him being in the shower and as my daughter does she doesn’t leave him.. so she ran in and ofcourse he wants to hide his modesty as the first thing he said to me was let me have a shower in peace. I said a hello to your daughter wouldn’t of gone a miss and then we’d of left you to it which I do I let him shower where I shut the door of the room I’m in and play with her myself. It really bugs me that she loves him so much when he’s like this really although I obviously encourage. He’d get mad if I laughed at him though.

OP posts:

Thedogscollar · 03/03/2023 21:33

@purplediscolove
If partner has a 10 year old then surely he knows how a toddler operates. Sitting a toddler in front of a TV will never work. There are so many things you could all do together.
Nice weather then go for a walk stop at the park. Bad weather indoor play areas swimming pool etc. Think your partner is looking for excuses to avoid the hard toddler stage. He sounds very immature.

Redglitter · 03/03/2023 21:39

He should be encouraging you to be a complete family. Wanting 1 - 1 time is fair enough but it should involve them doing an activity or something for a few hours then coming home to spend time with you & their half sister. You need to knock this on the head.

LittleOwl153 · 03/03/2023 21:48

What is your housing situation?

Personally I'd refuse to uproot the toddler elsewhere. This says to me he has no respect for you, your time (packing up a toddler every fornight ... !) Or you having your own space/home. It is very much to me making me think he sees you as temporary - to be removed when it's convenient to him...

Nah I would not put up with that. I'd be saying tonight is the last of these trips. If he doesn't like it/ accept it I'd be thinking about the future of my relationship... he can have them both every other weekend - he won't get 1 on 1 then will he- he'll have to parent bith children!

Novatherova · 03/03/2023 21:50

Wtf.....?!

Closetbeanmuncher · 03/03/2023 21:51

This relationship won’t go the distance IMO, you need to stand your ground on this and tell him to go out if he wants one on one with his child.

Even if his mother is an unstable lemo head there’s absolutely no reason to vacate your own home????

are you financially independent?

fortheloveofflowers · 03/03/2023 21:54

Why are you putting up with this shit?

Theunamedcat · 03/03/2023 21:59

Your not married right?

ijustneedanamefgs · 03/03/2023 22:01

So you have already agreed and do this? I thought this was some insane thing he had just came up with, and he would realise he was being ridiculous soon enough. Why are you putting up with being kicked out of your own home, never mind the child.?

GoodChat · 03/03/2023 22:03

You need to put a stop to this. It's absurd.

Original poster

purplediscolove · 03/03/2023 23:00

@ijustneedanamefgs i hadn’t no, we were living fine and then I had no
cjoice but to go and stay at my mums
one night while he had his son a few weeks ago and then it’s been since then where he feels he must’ve got his foot in the door with it and Can request it. He did ask for this months ago and i just never left at weekends apart from when I had to do things. He literally grinds on my gears when his son is with us. I mean once he pulled his son into the kitchen and asked if it was okay if we did something rather than just asking and explaining.

i geniunely am starting to worry for my child, his child and myself. I do sit and wonder what’s really going on in his sons head but would never ask ofcourse. I don’t think I can tolerate this and to be honest I feel
about ready to set up home myself because im no where near financially dependant I work myself, I have my own car and I know
there’s support out there too me if and when needed.

OP posts:

JudgeRudy · 12/03/2023 14:27

This sounds really odd. I don't believe it's about 1 to 1 time with his son.i think he either wants time away from the baby or time away from you.
I do think 1 to 1 time of a sorts is healthy but it should fit in with the responsibilities of normal family life. If eg he wants a day out to Ansfield/Wembley etc with his son and they wanna stay over great. Plan in advance and you might decide to do something yourself....or you might enjoy the time with just you two.However these are weekly events or even monthly. In between he could take him to park, go into town, for a walk up the woods etc. Could they work on the garden together. Or have a game on the Xbox when youngest is asleep. Maybe there's a yoga class that you fancy on a Wednesday evening or a film at cinema. I think it's important your child also has one to one time with their dad. How does he plan incorporating fhis?
It's really odd to essentially kick someone out of there own house. Not as a one off but as regular thing.
I'm trying to decide who he wants space from, you or youngest? Who do you think OP or could it be he views you as a set....a boring mundane chore 🤔

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/03/2023 14:35

If you imagine a life without him, where you live just with your child, how does that look to you?

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 12/03/2023 15:21

I think you’re really under reacting. Maybe I’ve misunderstood along the way, but if anyone tried to kick me and my child out of my own home I’d laugh in their face and tell them to fuck off. Who exactly does he think he is?!

Thoughtful2355 · 12/03/2023 16:14

not sure why he cant take his kid out like a normal parent. Shouldnt be putting you out

UWhatNow · 12/03/2023 16:19

fortheloveofflowers · 03/03/2023 21:54

Why are you putting up with this shit?

Seconded. Why op? You’re not married and he wants you to fuck off when it doesn’t suit him. Why are you putting up with it?

PaigeMatthews · 12/03/2023 16:38

I had no choice but to go and stay at my mums one night while he had his son a few weeks ago
why did you have no choice?

whats the housing situation?

Original poster

purplediscolove · 12/03/2023 20:57

@PaigeMatthews she asked me for a favour to house sit with my 15 year old brother and the dog. It isn’t a rare occasion it was an anniversary and my brothers dad was also busy.

OP posts:

smellyflowers · 12/03/2023 20:59

So every other weekend he wants you to act like a seperated family? That's so damaging for your child.

Original poster

purplediscolove · 12/03/2023 21:02

@JudgeRudy @UWhatNow @determinedtomakethiswork @Doesthepopeshitinthewoods

Just an update for you all, I have left and currently on no contact. He started arguing with me on Thursday. There’s so much more to this story abusive behaviour. I’m just not happy and fed up. He makes me feel miserable and I am now starting to feel and think if I can do it on my own with him physically present I can do it on my own without him present. I feel fine I’m not letting him get to me he’s essentially trying to give the silent treatment but tries to contact every few hours but I’m not biting so we are in no contact. He hasn’t asked how our child is nothing but again I’ve complained that he doesn’t do that before so I think at this point anything is to try get a reaction out of me.

my child’s safety comes first and my own and I am not letting our baby come round to understanding what dads like or does when the sibling is around.

OP posts:

SeulementUneFois · 12/03/2023 21:05

Well done OP!
be strong, don’t let yourself be reeled in.
imagine what a crappy life your daughter would have if she was to grow up like this.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread