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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell his girlfriend he's messaged me?

45 replies

somuchnoise · 03/03/2023 14:13

Split up with long term ex partner (his decision) nearly 18 months ago. We've had the odd text over that time, but nothing major. He's started messaging quite a bit this week, to the point where he's now just text and asked me to go over to his tonight (it was clear what he wants!). Had a quick FB browse and he's been in a relationship for the last 7 months.

It's grim. Do I let her know or just ignore and block him?

OP posts:
Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 03/03/2023 14:15

Ignore and block. You will end up being the bad guy or bitter ex if you tell her.

passtheolives · 03/03/2023 14:15

Send her screen shots then block him and don’t respond to any note messages

Georgia583 · 03/03/2023 14:15

I’d ask him if his Gf is joining you 🤣

mamnotmum · 03/03/2023 14:16

Stop replying to him/block.

JupiterFortified · 03/03/2023 14:17

Why are you replying to him? Just stop replying and don’t tell the girlfriend.

EllieU · 03/03/2023 14:18

Tell him you know he's in a relationship and then block him

MamOfFive · 03/03/2023 14:19

Stop replying, you're contributing to the problem?

Don't need to message his girlfriend.

Canabelievethis · 03/03/2023 14:19

He's an ex for a reason. I'd tell and spare new woman wasting her time too

maddy68 · 03/03/2023 14:21

Why are you engaging ? You're as bad as him

tempusername1234 · 03/03/2023 14:23

Reply and block. You're just opening yourself up to possible repercussions and no personal gain doing anything more.

tempusername1234 · 03/03/2023 14:23

*Do not

Original poster
somuchnoise · 03/03/2023 14:24

@maddy68 How exactly am I as bad as him? I'm single. I didn't realise he was in a relationship until about 10 minutes ago and I haven't replied since!

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 03/03/2023 14:24

No I wouldn’t unless you like drama? Just stop engaging

Fuckstix · 03/03/2023 14:37

Just block him. Unless the text wasn't about sex explicitly he'll make some bollocks up for her about how he was inviting you round to pick up some old socks you left when you split up or something. Nothing has happened so no point engaging. I'd just leave him to it and move on.

Fuckstix · 03/03/2023 14:37

Was about**

Bunnyishotandcross · 03/03/2023 14:39

Surely just send her screenshots and block them both is all you should do..

determinedtomakethiswork · 03/03/2023 14:41

"One more message and I'll send everything to your girlfriend, you sleazy bastard."

Original poster
somuchnoise · 03/03/2023 14:41

I'd rather not do anything as I don't want drama, I just wasn't sure if I would be unreasonable by not telling his girlfriend. No way you could interpret his messages any other way.

OP posts:
tempusername1234 · 03/03/2023 14:43

Its thoughtful of you to consider his girlfriend and she might thank you for it or... she might not believe you and think you're trying to cause problems or he might get pissed off with you when he finds out and try and get back at you.

OopsAnotherOne · 03/03/2023 14:43

Hmm, I'd want to know if I was her but it's not an obligation for you to tell her. He might spin it to say that it was you chasing him as the "crazy obsessed ex". If you don't want drama, either block him and move on or send him a message saying "Please stop messaging me, I am aware you have a girlfriend and it's completely disrespectful to her." and then block him. And her too. You know your ex better than any poster here so only you can predict the level of fallout and drama from this if you were to message her.

Calphurnia88 · 03/03/2023 15:20

Tricky one.

If I was the GF I would want to know (I would also want screenshots), however, if a friend was in your position and asked me for advice I would probably tell her to stay out of it.

That's probably because I would leave a man who did that and not hold a grudge against the woman messaging him, however, people are strange and you don't know who you're dealing with here.

I would tell him you're aware he has a GF then stop messaging him.

MrsDoylesDoily · 03/03/2023 15:22

somuchnoise · 03/03/2023 14:24

@maddy68 How exactly am I as bad as him? I'm single. I didn't realise he was in a relationship until about 10 minutes ago and I haven't replied since!

Ten minutes and you ran straight to Mumsnet?

FiddleLeaf · 03/03/2023 15:22

If you like the drama, do it but personally I would just reject him & feel grateful you’re not in this terrible relationship.

MrsDoylesDoily · 03/03/2023 15:25

Plus you’d look a bit of a twat if they’ve split up but he just hasn’t updated Facebook.

BigMamuh · 03/03/2023 15:30

You should go, and then go home and listen to Taylor Swift, open a bottle of wine, and download tinder.
Also you could do the exact same thing without going, and avoid the self loathing.