Prompted to slim for holiday

[Orchidjoy]

I'm due to join an old school friend for a holiday in June. She is not from the UK which is relevant because she basically prompted me to lose some weight so I don't get body conscious around the slim European women.

Im a size 10-12 and an athletic build. I only weigh 9st 2 at 5ft 4. I've never thought I was fat. I have muscular thighs and shoulders from swimming and cycling. It's been playing on my mind all week. Because of the amount of exercise I do Il never be a size 6 but now I just feel fat.
Ive never had disordered eating but its making me feel guilty everytime I eat.
My partner thinks I should cancel the holiday if its making me so anxious. But do I tell my friend she has upset me or is she trying to help me?

I've never felt this way about food or my body before. I'm getting quite stressed about it.

Maybe I'm too arrogant for my own good but I'd pity her for making that comment rather than feel bad about myself.

To just assume you would feel self conscious means she does/would, even if she doesn't show it. Shes obviously very insecure and thinks her worth is based around her waist size. it's her problem, not yours.

OK so Cannes is a concrete shit hole. We'll I've never been but its not giving me a good vibe.
I prefer a Greek island where I can just chill. I'm going to mull it over this weekend but I'm swaying to cancel.

What were her actual words?

I never look at or compare myself to other women on the beach or anywhere else and anyone that does has issues!

I honestly don’t think what she has said is bad at all? You sound very anxious about the holiday. YOU brought up oh I don’t think I’ll be posh/glamourous enough compared to the other women who will be there. She has just flippantly said oh well lose a few pounds before you go if you feel self conscious. She didn’t ring you and say listen fatty you’d better go nil by mouth before this holiday because you’ll stick out like a sore thumb. I think it sounds a bit like you wanted her to say you look fantastic, don’t worry about that. I would also say if you are a petite woman (as I am indeed a couple of inches smaller than you) depending on your body frame you do have to be quite slim to look slim iykwim. I am a size 10 at the moment and tbh I don’t look thin. Most people try to drop a few pounds before holiday don’t they? Most of us want to feel body confident because you are going to be in less clothing in a hot climate. Even the slimmest women I know try and reduce a bit before a holiday. I know I’m going against the grain here but I think you are making this in to a much bigger deal than it is.

Comments like this can really play on your mind - I get it. I've always been slim (when I was a teenager I was really, really small, partly because I got braces and could hardly eat anything), and fortunately I've never struggled with food, calorie or weight issues. I'm not super slim now, around a size UK12, but I've never worried over much about my body aside from sometimes wanting to shed a bit of weight if I've been eating badly for a while.

Recently a colleague at work has been making indirect comments about my size. She's significantly smaller than me, very petite, and from a very different country and culture (recently arrived in the UK), which I think is known for being fairly blunt about personal things like this. I thought it hadn't affected me, I'm quite difficult to offend, but I've found myself looking extra at myself in the mirror, and comparing myself to people I see around me, and I've never done that before. It can really eat you up before you even realise.

OP, not that it matters, but you are actually on the smaller side from what you've said! And also, with the amount of exercise you do, you will be absolutely gorgeous looking anyway - healthy, fit, and that will show in your looks. There's more than one way to be glamorous, and it certainly doesn't depend on your size.

I think cancelling a holiday because you are worried about not being thin enough is really sad. Your self consciousness is preventing you from living your life.

Your OP is quite misleading. You ask about whether you should tell friend she has upset you, yet in a later post you admit her comment about slimming was indirect. Why are you pinning your overreaction on her?

I think your friend will be mortified if you tell her she’s upset you. It sounds like a flippant remark in a chat between friends that opened up your Pandora’s box of body insecurities. It doesn’t sound like you need to lose weight at all but given your drama around it and change of heart about the location, you should just cancel and not risk ruining her holiday.

Weird. I see women of all shapes and sizes in every country I've been to, and I really don't care either way. It's none of my business how slim (or not) someone is. You sound like you have issues.

Your friend is a wanker.

I’d tell her to fuck off. Your body sounds strong and healthy.

Take your friend on a cycle on holiday and own that bike and that strong body.

If my friend made such a comment I wouldn't even want to stay friends with her, forget the holiday.
For context, I was 8 stones 7 lbs pre pregnancy and now on 9 stones 8lbs and have been struggling with my body image. It was made worse by comments from visiting my in-laws in our native country while they all are ugly af. So, I know how you'd be feeling but get rid of such friends, you Don't need that negativity.

OP was your friend definitely not saying it in jest?

@diamondpony80 I never had issues as you call it until that comment was made.
I have never equated glamour with weight and have always been proud of my athletic ability and body.I think it was the fact that my friend assumed I'd be less self conscious if I lost weight, when I was talking about outfits which were glamorous.

Ive spent the week over thinking it. I've now had a word with myself and know if I tried to be a smaller size I could never do 14hours of high intensity exercise a week.
I'd rather stay strong and healthy.

14 hours of high intensity a week? OP where are you getting these ideas from? Bizarre. Most people would be less self conscious in less clothes if they lost a few pounds even if they are already slim.

Where the hell are you going??? I was in Porto last year and saw many different shapes of European women, and the one thing they all had in common was they got their bikinis on and didn’t give a shit.

FFS, you sound hawt, and from your stats, you don’t need to lose weight, 10/12 toned and fit is a great shape to be. We went to Dinard a couple of years ago, it’s a rich poser’s paradise full of emaciated size 0 chain-smokers in gold string bikinis. I caused an outbreak of staring, even DH noticed. One older chap could have given my description to the police. I am not suggesting anyone was after my sweet loving, to be fair, I was 40, a size 12 and wearing a black M&S one piece. I just don’t think they’d ever seen a black-haired Celt with skin so white it reflects light. When I was 22 I’d have died inside and been straight inside for the tanning mitt but now I think it’s cool to be precisely who you are. God, lots of women (me) wish they were toned and fit and strong as you, that’s the dream. PS. your pal is wiiiild to be suggesting you panic-slim for a beach holiday, has she been under a rock since the 00s?

I’m 5ft 4 and 9st 9 with an aim to be your weight (it’s been a 10 year aim!) so I hope this helps you feel more comfortable. Being toned and slim is wonderful, and you are both of those things thanks to your hard work.

p.s I’m a size 10 so I’m sure you aren’t a 12!

5 foot 4 and 9st 2 is perfect! I'm that height and nearly a stone heavier than you and I'm not fat.
This is really rude of your friend...how dare she?! Please please don't do high intensity exercise to loose weight based on what she said.
Have you told her how you feel? I'd be tempted to say you can't make it...

Ah, Cannes 🙄

Lots to unpick on this thread (Your friend sounds mean tbh) bit i just want to reiterate how year 2000 all this size 0 nonesense is. If youre worried about being "fashionable" then body inclusivity is very now.... and in fact the most desired body shape is on the muscular side. So show off your muscley legs goddamit!

You sound gorgeous, OP! I swim most days and would never comment on anyone else's body (especially as I'm still fat), but I always notice and envy the people who have proper swimmers' bodies.

Ok context is everything. She was by sounds of it trying to reassure you about fitting in with the glam Cannes women & inadvertently said lose a few ponds if you’re worried kind of thing. Sounds like she was referring to the supermodel, supermodel, super thin, beautiful people that are typically associated with a portion of the super rich.

The fact that you’ve taken this so literally is a concern & does suggest you maybe have more body insecurities than you’re really aware of.

The fact that you’re even thinking about it in this way & contemplated what you would have to do to make yourself a size whatever is worrying OP.

I know if I tried to be a smaller size I could never do 14hours of high intensity exercise a week.
I'd rather stay strong and healthy.

OP have you been on holiday just with other women before because the level of scrutiny & angst you’re having prior to the event makes me worry that you’re not going to be able to enjoy that kind of holiday?

Oh, never mind her. All the rich skinny women will be on yachts and not on the beach.

Please don't let your friend influence your health. There will always be someone taller, thinner, richer, but it sounds like you are happy with your body and health.
Own the body you have!

Same. I’ve been plenty of times and it’s pretty boring. There’s a few nice places to eat and drink, but it’s not a parade of skinny fashionistas. None of the French Riviera is, really, for all its rep. You see smart, wealthy looking people sitting about in restaurants of an evening, but not massively, it’s just a hugely populated tourist spot. The super elite are tucked up in yachts and private dining rooms.