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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Prompted to slim for holiday

75 replies

Orchidjoy · 03/03/2023 09:25

I'm due to join an old school friend for a holiday in June. She is not from the UK which is relevant because she basically prompted me to lose some weight so I don't get body conscious around the slim European women.

Im a size 10-12 and an athletic build. I only weigh 9st 2 at 5ft 4. I've never thought I was fat. I have muscular thighs and shoulders from swimming and cycling. It's been playing on my mind all week. Because of the amount of exercise I do Il never be a size 6 but now I just feel fat.
Ive never had disordered eating but its making me feel guilty everytime I eat.
My partner thinks I should cancel the holiday if its making me so anxious. But do I tell my friend she has upset me or is she trying to help me?

I've never felt this way about food or my body before. I'm getting quite stressed about it.

OP posts:
Companyofwolves · 03/03/2023 10:21

Weird comment of your friend to make - was it jokey or trying to prepare you of what to expect from beach fashion there being particularly different/skimpy/revealing versus UK (although bikini bottoms half way up your bum have been a thing here for ages now anyway - for those who choose to wear them). Is she particularly petite & therefore typical of this alleged European body type versus a UK woman’s!?? Is it a language translation issue where it’s come across in the wrong way?

Either way it’s pretty weird - as if you’d ever try to change your body shape depending on what country you’d be visiting? Is she usually so clumsy?

However your reaction does sound a little extreme & sounds like it’s hit a nerve. From your description of your build & fitness you sound like you have a body to be proud of that would look fab in beach wear (as you would do regardless tbh) so do not let her clumsy (or bitchy??) comments trick you into disordered eating & paranoia!!!

Are you sure she’s not actually jealous of your figure & making out that all the women in Europe are less “athletic” & “tiny” because maybe she’s feeling threatened at the prospect of being in beach wear herself & is comparing herself to what she sees as your fit physique?

Tbh I couldn’t be arsed with put downs from a friend esp about my body - if that’s what it was.

Mutabiliss · 03/03/2023 10:22

Eh? Why are you listening to her? Size 10 is slim.

Lots of size 6 women doesn't sound like any European country I've ever been to. I will admit that in the big cities women do tend to be slimmer than average British women, but more size 10 than size 6.

Original poster
Orchidjoy · 03/03/2023 10:23

Thank you for talking sense into me. Im not prepared to make myself ill for a holiday.

OP posts:
Mutabiliss · 03/03/2023 10:23

Size 0, sorry - even less likely!

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/03/2023 10:24

Bloody cheek. Why would you want to go on holiday with someone so shallow? She’s basically saying that you might embarrass her. Nasty.

HonestFeedback · 03/03/2023 10:33

I'm 5 foot 4 and if I weighed 9 stone 2 I'd be THRILLED!

Climbles · 03/03/2023 10:35

What did she say to prompt you to lose weight?

Lornadoo · 03/03/2023 10:37

I know everyone has different builds but I am same height and 9 stone 10 and am slim! I'd be telling her to F off!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/03/2023 10:38

Sounds like your friend is a fan of Wallace Simpson who thought one could never be too rich or too thin.

Summerhouse2013 · 03/03/2023 10:39

parrotonthesofa · 03/03/2023 09:29

She's no friend!

I totally agree with this comment....
Personally, I'd cancel the holiday, you're not going to relax at all are you?

Moreorlessmentallystable · 03/03/2023 10:53

Orchidjoy · 03/03/2023 10:00

@Siameasy I honestly have never thought wearing a size 10 waist would make me 20 per cent fat. I have a completely flat stomach.
Maybe this is the wake up call I needed.

Of course not. 20% fat in a woman is very healthy, any lower you'll be messing with your hormones and missing periods...for context footballers and professional athletes will be around 8-12% body fat.

applecharlotte12 · 03/03/2023 10:58

She's not your friend. And her comments also indicate she is not a nice person.

Whattodonut · 03/03/2023 10:59

Agree she's not a friend. It sounds like it would be a miserable holiday. Why are you going there unless you want to be on the beach parading in teeny bikinis? To each their own but it doesn't sound like you wanted that kind of holiday anyway?

EyesOnThePies · 03/03/2023 11:05

Orchidjoy · 03/03/2023 10:00

@Siameasy I honestly have never thought wearing a size 10 waist would make me 20 per cent fat. I have a completely flat stomach.
Maybe this is the wake up call I needed.

OP - STOP, please!

You have already said you are muscular from all the exercise you do, so you have a completely different body / build from Siameasy!

What exactly did your friend say? Her exact comment that set you on this course?

TurnipSurprise · 03/03/2023 11:16

OP - if this woman is a friend and generally a nice and thoughtful person then maybe she has not realised that a size 10 on you and a size 10 on her would be very different.

For example, I am short and have a small frame, my feet are a size 3 for context. So a 10 on me would be chubby. However my friend has an envious figure, perfectly flat stomach etc, she is a 12 and would look very thin indeed at a 10 or less.

So IF and definitely IF she is usually a decent friend then give her the benefit of the doubt that she is just being a bit self centred. However if she is usually a bit of a bitch then cancel the holiday!

You sound fit and healthy, don't let someone elses throw away comment get into your head!

junebirthdaygirl · 03/03/2023 11:24

Every beach abroad l have ever been to on at least 100 holidays..I'm old..has all shapes and sizes. And l mean ALL. Stop worrying. You sound just perfect. But if you think this is going to be the conversation all holiday don't go.

Original poster
Orchidjoy · 03/03/2023 11:28

The place we are going to is famous for glamorous women. Its Cannes and she has been before.
The weight comment was indirect. I made a comment about fitting in with the glamour and her response was yes it is full of glamorous European women, just slim down so you don't feel self conscious
I was more concerned with the fact I'm not posh or glamorous.
Now I'm concerned that not being posh enough is the least of my problems!!

Only joking. After reading the replies I've had a word with myself.

OP posts:
Slimjimtobe · 03/03/2023 11:30

’just slim down so you don’t feel self conscious’ is fairly direct

she’s a bitch - there are nicer friends out there

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/03/2023 11:30

”just slim down so you don't feel self conscious”

I’m surprised you’re still talking to her after that gem.

Naunet · 03/03/2023 11:32

Orchidjoy · 03/03/2023 10:08

I was talking about the glamorous women where we are going to. Not to be outing but it's known for glamour. I never mentioned my weight once more new outfits etc.
Then she mentioned slimming down.
I know many of the women there are size 0 etc but now I just feel huge.

Who cares? Will you be lining up next to them to have your appearance judged by a panel of misogynistic men?!

ferneytorro · 03/03/2023 11:46

Orchidjoy · 03/03/2023 11:28

The place we are going to is famous for glamorous women. Its Cannes and she has been before.
The weight comment was indirect. I made a comment about fitting in with the glamour and her response was yes it is full of glamorous European women, just slim down so you don't feel self conscious
I was more concerned with the fact I'm not posh or glamorous.
Now I'm concerned that not being posh enough is the least of my problems!!

Only joking. After reading the replies I've had a word with myself.

Slightly off tangent but the Tour de France was in Cannes about 14 years ago. I was pregnant and sweaty but found it a right concrete sh*thole albeit with a load of huge yachts. Didn't see one glam woman. In fact I am not sure where all these glam people are and I have been to a few expensive places !

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/03/2023 11:49

Slightly off tangent but the Tour de France was in Cannes about 14 years ago. I was pregnant and sweaty but found it a right concrete sh*thole albeit with a load of huge yachts. Didn't see one glam woman. In fact I am not sure where all these glam people are and I have been to a few expensive places !“

Agree! Monaco is ugly as sun, too.

Money is what talks in these places. Lots of Sugar daddies and rich Cougars of all shapes and sizes accompanied by very beautiful, often skinny young people 😁

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/03/2023 11:49

Ugly as sin, not sun 😁

Idontgiveashitanymore · 03/03/2023 11:50

RosaBonheur · 03/03/2023 10:06

Cancel the holiday.

There is nothing wrong with your body, only your so-called "friend".

This ⬆️
she is not your friend !

openingbat · 03/03/2023 11:53

Flipping heck, you sound like you're in perfect shape! What a CF your "friend" is 🙄