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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been sat here for 2 hours!

37 replies

hunyouok · 02/03/2023 21:15

I'm absolutely losing it. Completely losing my mind. To the point I want to scream! My baby will not sleep at all unless being held. I've done this for 11 months and I can't handle it anymore! Whenever I try to put him down he wakes and cries even if I do it slowly and rock him etc. I've cosmetologist since he was born as he would settle in crib. I thought he'd grow out of it by now but he hasn't. I don't mind co sleeping as much but having to hold him four hours is killing me. In the middle of the nights it's the same. I'm dying inside and I dread bedtime everyday. I'm completely mentally and physically exhausted. I haven't even got to the point. I need help/advice, can't go on anymore.

OP posts:
CiaoBellisima · 02/03/2023 21:17

Put him down in a safe place and leave the room for 5 minutes to get yourself some air and a glass of water.

Then come back to us, we can help you.

bonjello · 02/03/2023 21:19

CiaoBellisima · 02/03/2023 21:17

Put him down in a safe place and leave the room for 5 minutes to get yourself some air and a glass of water.

Then come back to us, we can help you.

This

Put baby somewhere safe. Even if they cry.

Take a breather.

Come back after breather.

TinyCactusInAPot · 02/03/2023 21:19

Yes that is good advice

Bunnyishotandcross · 02/03/2023 21:22

I saw GP who talked me through a sleep program.. Absolutely minimum crying involved. Ds was 10 months and had been in hospital most of his life and so never alone or in the dark!
I rang the surgery and told them earnestly if they had no appointments I was leaving ds in his pram in the foyer!
3 nights in ds slept through. Life changing. Repeated the logic years later with youngest dc..

Hankunamatata · 02/03/2023 21:24

Put them into crib, put in earplugs and come back to chat here for 5/10mins

Cap89 · 02/03/2023 21:24

Oh lovely, I know how this feels and I didn’t last nearly as long as you have. The advice above is good for this moment. Take a breath and walk away. It’s ok if he cries, you need to breathe.

In terms of moving forward, I know it’s not for everyone, but sleep training was the answer for us and it was miraculous. Life changing. Have done it with both of ours (both at 6 months) and they went from exactly as you describe to sleeping through within days. We used Ferber.

Best of luck with whatever approach you choose. I completely empathise with the nightmare of your situation. Sending hugs.

2oreosandmilk · 02/03/2023 21:26

good advice above, take a break while baby is somewhere safe/secure and maybe almost out of earshot.

I remember the dread of bed time and feeling like I physically couldn’t take this stuff anymore.

Eventually I did the gradual move away thing, sitting with them and patting at first, then moving slightly away gradually. Each night til eventually they settle on their own. It’s not a quick fix but the sooner you start the sooner the new routine becomes normal.

He protested plenty but was about 1 at the time and we’d just formed a habit. Life was so much better once we cracked his sleep I can’t even begin to explain.

I know different things work for different babies this is just what worked with my 2nd.

I hope you have some support around you, a partner or a close friend that can give you some respite even in the form of a day time nap over the weekend? Everything is SO much harder when you are sleep deprived.

Justhereforaibu1 · 02/03/2023 21:29

Have a read up on the Ferber method. Baby cannot get to sleep until you recreate the conditions they first dropped off in, you need to retrain them in a way they can replicate themselves x

Justhereforaibu1 · 02/03/2023 21:30

Been there got the t shirt. Give it a try, life changing. Best wishes

CauliflowerRiceIsNotNice · 02/03/2023 21:41

Bunnyishotandcross · 02/03/2023 21:22

I saw GP who talked me through a sleep program.. Absolutely minimum crying involved. Ds was 10 months and had been in hospital most of his life and so never alone or in the dark!
I rang the surgery and told them earnestly if they had no appointments I was leaving ds in his pram in the foyer!
3 nights in ds slept through. Life changing. Repeated the logic years later with youngest dc..

Well go on then, what is it??

timeforachang3 · 02/03/2023 21:42

There’s a lot of chat about this new method recently, I think it’s maybe for calming down a newborn but it sort of works with my baby…
walk for 5 mins, sit for 5-8 mins and then lay them down.

against advice but I lay mine down on his side (he naturally used to roll to that position as soon as laid him down).
he eventually ends up sleeping on his front!

but I know a lot of people lay them on their side and pat bum and ‘shhh’ then lay them back on their back… might be worth a try!

Hope you’re ok. My little one needed to be held upright for sleep when he was ill the other month and it was hell so totally empathise!

the other thing I’d say is keep trying to lay him down, you might find a sweet spot where he’s asleep enough not to notice!

bonjello · 02/03/2023 21:43

How's it going OP?

MaverickSnoopy · 02/03/2023 21:44

Failing any suggestions here, try a cranial osteopath.

Original poster
hunyouok · 02/03/2023 21:45

Thanks for everyone for their replies. Feeling very emotional and overwhelmed. For context I have a toddler too which is why I think I'm so so tired. I've also recently gone back to work. I do have support in my husband but he doesn't believe in sleep training. But I'm going to do it. I can't go on with no sleep anymore. I can't function and I'm constantly unhappy.

OP posts:
Original poster
hunyouok · 02/03/2023 21:46

Also he's finally down now. But I know this'll only last about half an hour. Until I get into bed with him.

OP posts:
Justhereforaibu1 · 02/03/2023 21:47

You've got to train my love, it will be far less crying than you've got at the moment.

februarysunset · 02/03/2023 21:50

Sleep training will save your sanity. In 3 nights max you'll both be sleeping through. Honestly, just go for it. These broken nights are no good for either of you. I've done it with both mine (at 9 and 10 months respectively) and they are both good sleepers now.

Good luck. You've done amazingly to get this far.

Mummyof287 · 02/03/2023 21:54

hunyouok · 02/03/2023 21:45

Thanks for everyone for their replies. Feeling very emotional and overwhelmed. For context I have a toddler too which is why I think I'm so so tired. I've also recently gone back to work. I do have support in my husband but he doesn't believe in sleep training. But I'm going to do it. I can't go on with no sleep anymore. I can't function and I'm constantly unhappy.

I'm not a fan of sleep training either but it's not helpful him saying that and you being in a state...sounds like he needs to be getting more involved as the settling is currently all on you??

whattodo22222 · 02/03/2023 22:18

I don't plan on sleep training my daughter but if your husband doesn't 'believe' in it then he needs to help you. Can he wear baby in a carrier or sling so you can have some time to yourself?

astarsheis · 02/03/2023 22:18

hunyouok · 02/03/2023 21:46

Also he's finally down now. But I know this'll only last about half an hour. Until I get into bed with him.

Why are you getting in to bed with him?
is he not in his own cot?

Popfan · 02/03/2023 22:18

If your husband doesn't believe in sleep training he can be the one to hold your baby all night while you go and sleep elsewhere!

Eevvee · 02/03/2023 22:21

Popfan · 02/03/2023 22:18

If your husband doesn't believe in sleep training he can be the one to hold your baby all night while you go and sleep elsewhere!

This. Its funny how much people don't believe in until they're the ones dealing with the shit.

WonderingWanda · 02/03/2023 22:28

It's so exhausting when they do this. I remember patting mine shushing noises, the pats would get slower, read somewhere that it would slow their heart rate down and make them sleepy and then by the 3rd yawn I would back out the room slowly before they fell to sleep so the last bit was on them. Seemed to work in that it got them into a state where they could then put themselves to sleep.

Orders76 · 02/03/2023 22:33

It will pass you poor thing.
And probably quicker if you chick them on your chest before they get too overloaded.
I had to pop them on and sing until they were completely out before I could roll out from under them and sneak out. It's really terrible.

timeforachang3 · 02/03/2023 22:55

If you left your husband to deal with it fully on his own for one or two nights I imagine he’d quickly change his mind. You’re taking the brunt of this no matter how supportive your husband is, and so he just cannot possibly understand. Good luck xxx