Been sat here for 2 hours!

[hunyouok]

I'm absolutely losing it. Completely losing my mind. To the point I want to scream! My baby will not sleep at all unless being held. I've done this for 11 months and I can't handle it anymore! Whenever I try to put him down he wakes and cries even if I do it slowly and rock him etc. I've cosmetologist since he was born as he would settle in crib. I thought he'd grow out of it by now but he hasn't. I don't mind co sleeping as much but having to hold him four hours is killing me. In the middle of the nights it's the same. I'm dying inside and I dread bedtime everyday. I'm completely mentally and physically exhausted. I haven't even got to the point. I need help/advice, can't go on anymore.

Can’t baby co sleep?

I feel so bad for you. I can’t imagine what that’s like, having such an unsupportive husband in your and your children’s time of need. I’m not sure if your set up or situation, but is there anywhere you can go for a break. He needs to be able to provide for his children, and that means getting them off to sleep, helping the family etc. You’ve made the suggestion of sleep training, he’s said no. The ball is now in his court. Give the reins to him and let him sort it out.

Also I admire your strength. At nearly 1yrs old there would be no way I could have held my child for that long - they weighed a tonne!

At what age did you start doing this? Pat their tummy or bum or back?

@IWineAndDontDine I can't remember their ages but probably about a year when I stopped bf to sleep. Either front or back seemed to work, I think it was meant to mimic a heartbeat.

Another vote for cranial osteopathy. I took DS 3 months to an amazing place in London ( think it was Clerkenwell) and after the visit , that night he went from waking every two hours to only waking once. After the second visit a week later he started sleeping through from that very night and has done since ( just turned 15 so I should bloody hope so)
I cannot emphasise enough how a couple of very, very gentle sessions transformed our lives.
it’s definitely not quackery like chiropractic places.

If you're husband doesn't like sleep training, he can take over. We had the exact same issue with our little boy and by the time he was 18 months, I couldn't handle it anymore. I said to my husband I wanted to sleep train, but he was less enthused - so then he took over all bedtimes seeing as he was the one who didn't want to sleep train.

Fast forward two weeks of daddy dealing with every single bedtime/night wake, he was ready to start sleep training 🙃

The method we used - the key thing here is, you aren't leaving baby to feel abandoned, or ever letting themselves get hysterical. The aim here is to let them know you are there for them, they are safe, warm and comfortable, but now it is time for them to put themselves to sleep.
We should put him down in his cot, say goodnight, its bedtime, mummy and daddy are here, but it's bedtime. Night night love you. And leave the room. Leave to cry for 1 minute, go back in, do NOT pick him up (this was important). Lay him back down, stroke his back/squeeze his hand to offer a little comfort, then repeat the phrase above. Leave the room, this time for 2 mins.

Rinse and repeat. The key thing is to be boring and consistent. Say the same things, do the same thing every time, and they will soon come to realise exactly what comfort you will and won't offer.

The timings of how long you go out of the room for are up to you, we stretched it as long as we could, without ever letting him get too upset (you read a lot of stories about sleep training not working cos baby got hysterical - we didn't see the need to go this far).

It took about 3 nights for us. It was honestly game changing. He sleeps better through the night too, as he was able to roll over and go back over to sleep himself without calling for us to do the job.

Note that it's also not a straight line, they may nail it but after a few weeks try to go back to their old tricks. But be consistent, keep doing exactly the same thing when you are in the room.

Hope that's of some use. Good luck. X

You can't train a baby. The so-called sleep training is all about learned helplessness.

You desperately need another adult to give you some practical help here.

Agreed. If mine had come out with this he would have been doing all the settling in the evening and at night.
Sleep train and start tonight or another Friday if you don’t work weekends.

The method set out by pebbles above is what we did. Took a few nights- and we never let ours get hysterical. Be boring and consistent and do not pick up.

Your DH needs to step up then, if he doesn't believe in sleep training he can get up with the DCs. I give him 3 minutes and he'll give it a whirl.

It's not fair on you, remember you're not alone, we've all been there and amazingly got through it. It will pass but when you're in the midst you can't see that.

How's it going OP