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Original poster

Husband search history - onlyfans/prostitute

30 replies

2oreosandmilk · 01/03/2023 20:59

NC as this is embarrassing/upsetting.

I went to bed last night and my husbands phone was on my side in plain site. This is unusual and I know I was wrong but I looked..

his history showed he has been watching ‘adult’ content creators on tiktok (I can live with this) but then looking them up on OFs, insta etc.

he says he doesn’t have an OFs account and that once he’s looked at the preview page he got bored as he couldn’t access content.

he also searched ‘another word for prostitute’ and said this was because he was searching ‘prostitute’ on a porn site and nothing took his fancy so he wanted another search term. This is ringing alarm bells for me as surely that word brings up thousands of videos to choose from.

to be clear I’m not arsed about him watching standard porn, it’s the way he’s watching them on TikTok then following all their links to other content. It just feels so different to me. They’re not strangers in some cringey scene, they’re women he follows and watches their lives on TikTok and likes their videos etc.

Not sure if I’m over reacting. I have that horrible sick to my stomach feeling and felt on the verge of tears all day. Opinions?

(been together 8 years, 2 kids, I am recovering from ED and have gained weight, he has been supportive and says he’s still attracted to me, sex life generally okay).

OP posts:
Knitterofcrap · 01/03/2023 21:01

It would be a deal breaker for me, I couldn’t live with this knowledge.

Only you can decide if you accept it though. It’s highly unlikely he will stop.

HollyFern1110 · 01/03/2023 21:03

The word he wants is probably escort. Not that it helps.

Being fine with porn does I guess muddy the waters if you believe he was looking for that particular genre on Pornhub etc.

UWhatNow · 01/03/2023 21:05

How grim. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.

Notimeforaname · 01/03/2023 21:06

Nope. I couldn't cope with that.

Singularity82 · 01/03/2023 21:09

I agree with you; generic porn wouldn’t bother me, cams/OF etc crosses a line. Definitely more personal and he’s looking for more than a quick release.
I don’t know if I’d end my relationship over it, but some seriously conversations would need to be had, and firm boundaries. Do you think staying with a friend tonight might give you some space to think?

Choconut · 01/03/2023 21:12

Ask him what porn site it was and look up prostitute on there. My guess is he's lying to you to try and cover up that he's looking for escorts/hookers or whatever other term he used. I'm sorry OP, it all sounds pretty grim to me. Even if it was true why would he want to watch prostitutes? Because he likes the idea/power of 'buying' a woman like an object?

Mellymoon · 01/03/2023 21:19

I think he could be telling the truth fwiw

Original poster
2oreosandmilk · 01/03/2023 21:21

Choconut · 01/03/2023 21:12

Ask him what porn site it was and look up prostitute on there. My guess is he's lying to you to try and cover up that he's looking for escorts/hookers or whatever other term he used. I'm sorry OP, it all sounds pretty grim to me. Even if it was true why would he want to watch prostitutes? Because he likes the idea/power of 'buying' a woman like an object?

This is where my brain immediately went.

He will never own up without evidence though.

@Singularity82 i wish I could but school runs etc it wouldn’t work. He’s out at the moment, don’t know when he will be back.

OP posts:
Original poster
2oreosandmilk · 01/03/2023 21:28

@Mellymoon he could be but even if he is being 100% truthful, he’s behaviour has crossed a line for me and he would know that when he was doing it.

OP posts:
ConcordeOoter · 02/03/2023 02:29

If he's looked but not touched ( paid/interacted with personally ) then I wouldn't worry too much.

92louise · 02/03/2023 02:54

My partner although he doesn't watch of aslong as I'm aware!! He does watch porn and constantly tells me he wants to watch me get GB
And the worst part of all of this is I hate the fact he makes me watch porn that I am not interested in. Yet when he wants sex he will try and put on the persona he thinks I'm attracted to yet then it gives me the ick lol. All in all I think alot of us have the same.or similar issues your not alone it's the way you deal with it. When I take control I put on what I want and then he gets jealously issues I think it's a possessive thing or control thing but it doesn't have to be as possessive or dark as what everyone thinks it can be sexy lol

Original poster
2oreosandmilk · 02/03/2023 23:38

It gets worse.. the girls on the sites he’s following are mostly between 18-21. (Ages are in their bio so no way he didn’t know). We are 33. Is that gross or am I being over the top?

apparently this is normal male behaviour according to him.

OP posts:
Singularity82 · 02/03/2023 23:46

No, it’s not. That almost young enough to be his daughter. Disgusting.

ConcordeOoter · 03/03/2023 00:35

2oreosandmilk · 02/03/2023 23:38

It gets worse.. the girls on the sites he’s following are mostly between 18-21. (Ages are in their bio so no way he didn’t know). We are 33. Is that gross or am I being over the top?

apparently this is normal male behaviour according to him.

Liking the look of youthful but adult women isn't unusual in men isn't necessarily dodgy in itself, probably more normal than not.

What I would be more concerned/suspicious about is the possibility of real interpersonal activity having gone on. If it has gone outside the realms of fantasy he has put your life and health at risk and since you would need to get tested, having lied about it would be its own big deal as well.

Original poster
2oreosandmilk · 03/03/2023 17:03

My daughter is 12. Some of the girls are only 6 years older than her. It all just feels so grim.

OP posts:
AelinAshriver · 03/03/2023 17:16

apparently this is normal male behaviour according to him

It's not. It's disgusting.

MRSDoos · 03/03/2023 17:17

I’m just wondering if there was a reason you looked at his phone? This isn’t me saying it’s your fault in anyway as I think your DH is in the wrong completely but I’m just wondering if there is anything else that has happened that has made you feel the need to look at his phone? Has he done anything in the past? My DH leaves his phone around a lot and I’ve never had the urge to look but I would probably have an urge if there was a reason. I do think personally feeling this need to check a partners phone is because there’s a reason of untrustworthy (by the way I have checked a boyfriends phone before because apparently he had been flirting with other woman and I was right)

My DH is a similar age to yours and I would be grossed out about him looking at this stuff especially with girls younger than my own sister at 18-21 years old. I do not think I would be able to look past this myself xx I think searching for other words for prostitutes is very off as well. I will admit watching porn unfortunately is very normal for both woman and men to do but I think it crosses the line following woman on Instagram and tik tok etc. Especially how young these girls are, I think it’s disrespectful- he’s a married man!

SunnyLion · 03/03/2023 17:49

Divorce. He's a creep.

Original poster
2oreosandmilk · 03/03/2023 20:46

MRSDoos · 03/03/2023 17:17

I’m just wondering if there was a reason you looked at his phone? This isn’t me saying it’s your fault in anyway as I think your DH is in the wrong completely but I’m just wondering if there is anything else that has happened that has made you feel the need to look at his phone? Has he done anything in the past? My DH leaves his phone around a lot and I’ve never had the urge to look but I would probably have an urge if there was a reason. I do think personally feeling this need to check a partners phone is because there’s a reason of untrustworthy (by the way I have checked a boyfriends phone before because apparently he had been flirting with other woman and I was right)

My DH is a similar age to yours and I would be grossed out about him looking at this stuff especially with girls younger than my own sister at 18-21 years old. I do not think I would be able to look past this myself xx I think searching for other words for prostitutes is very off as well. I will admit watching porn unfortunately is very normal for both woman and men to do but I think it crosses the line following woman on Instagram and tik tok etc. Especially how young these girls are, I think it’s disrespectful- he’s a married man!

Truthfully I just saw it there and had the urge. I’ve never checked his phone before in over 8 years. he has form over the last 18m for lying over stupid things but none related to other women (family issue).

He isn’t secretive with his phone and we’d both be in the camp of ‘oh read me that text out’ if we were cooking, washing up etc.

he has however started going to bed around an hour before me which is unusual as we’d usually cuddle on the sofa then go up together. Now I understand why…

OP posts:
PeaceLilyCactus · 03/03/2023 20:57

I don’t believe it’s normal for a 33 year old man to search for, follow and wank over 18-21 year olds. There are women out there in their late 20’s/early 30’s with the same bodies, doing the same job. He’s telling you that lie to minimise the situation.

I think some men, not most but a large minority, are attracted to much younger women because of the power imbalance in the age gap. I’d be very uncomfortable with my partner being attracted to females much younger than him. I’m not sure there’s much you can do about it though.

caringcarer · 03/03/2023 21:26

You are crazy to accept this behaviour. I'd not tolerate it.

Original poster
2oreosandmilk · 03/03/2023 23:24

@PeaceLilyCactus I agree it’s not normal, even if it’s common, it’s grim. Where is the line?

@caringcarer im not accepting or tolerating, I haven’t spoken to him other than politeness infront of the kids and he’s on the sofa for the 4th night. Im trying to process all of the information before I react

OP posts:
LadyJ2023 · 03/03/2023 23:56

Why do people think its acceptable a partner watches porn yuck yuck and im not even old if im not enough then partner can do one

Anon132 · 04/03/2023 00:15

Definitely seems like a line has been crossed and really don't think it is 'normal male behavour'.
Everyone has different boundaries around porn and what's acceptable in their relationship around this content.
To be searching and following specific women on lots of different sites, especially with the age gap and the wording is really gross imo.
If it's crossed a boundary for you (which you've mentioned he would know it would) then make that clear to him and go with your gut instinct from there how and what you feel is best going forward.

caringcarer · 04/03/2023 04:52

@2oreosandmilk, stay strong and get your ducks in a row. Could you cope without him? You might find you do better without him. It is exhausting having to constantly worry and walk on eggshells.