To send my child to the local comp?

[Whatwouldyoudododo]

A bit more complex than the title implies.
Long story short: Mother in law has offered to pay for my eldest to attend a private school for secondary education. My child has started year 7 at the local comp and would like to stay there because of friends. The school is much worse than I had hoped but thought we would give it a shot.

Don't want to force child away from friends but the school is really struggling and I imagine it'll take a number if years to improve.

WWYD?

To add, it seems bonkers to refuse this opportunity. I went to a similar really crappy comp and would have loved an opportunity like this but I really don't want to alienate my child by forcing this on them.

You say eldest.
Would she also pay for your other children?
Does she realise quite how much it would cost?
How many strings would it come with?
Can you 'compromise' and get ask her to pay for extra tuition as needed?

I'd let child stay in comp. Definitely. I know people who've done well in 'rough, working class' schools.

What do you mean when you say the school is really struggling?

Move your child.

They can stay in touch with friends online if they play games together and presumably they will still live locally. Let them arrange and attend hang-outs on weekends. (Was going to say play dates but that feels a bit too young!)

Yes she would pay for the others. Yes they are all privately educated and do not mix with those who aren't. Apart from me!

I would, without a shadow of a doubt, keep them in the school they're in. They have friends, you won't be owing anyone anything and if they have support at home and are motivated they can do well.

Visit the private school with your child . See if that helps your child change their mind. Assure your child that even if they go to private they can still stay in touch with their friends from old school offering sleepovers and weekend meets. (I am assuming you are not moving houses)

Secondary schooling is really important in my opinion.

I went to a 'rough', crappy comp and I did well academically but I was pretty miserable (being a bit swotty didn't make me popular!). If I hadn't been clever and academically inclined, I probably wouldn't have done that well. My parents had been advised to put me in for scholarships to private schools but 10-year-old me insisted I wanted to go to the local school. With hindsight, I think they should have made that decision for me (taking into account my preferences) as I wasn't old or mature enough to make a decision that was going to affect the next 5-7 years of my education. If MIL is also willing to pay for the other children, I think you should go for it (and if so, it's not just about what your eldest prefers right now).

@CallCollect yes I've done ok, but it was a struggle and in spite of difficulties that I would have loved to have not had to face.

I was perfectly happy with the local comp which is why we enrolled there but after the first month I wanted to take my child out. The bullying, lack of arts and languages etc, the recent Ofsted special measures award @Siennahh . It's been a bloody disappointment.

PS: meant to say I was miserable because being swotty with a middle-class accent was not the sort of thing that made you popular at my school!

@ZacharinaQuack I had fairly similar experience. I've done well but did not enjoy my time at high school. It was a struggle and I had no opportunities.

I'd move them. It's good to hear DC views and talk to them, but I've never understood the trend for some parents allowing 11 year olds to dictate where they're going to school. It's a big issue with longer term implications than who you'll see at playtime.

I've worked in a struggling school and wouldn't send my own children to a school like that if I had the means to avoid it.

If you think that the fees would be free of strings and MIL would do the same for all DC then I'd thank her for the offer and grab it with both hands.

I went to a big comp and have done fine. However, school was tough and working wasn’t encouraged. If your son is happy though then that’s the main thing.
It’s a tough decision (but hopefully a good one) to make

@thaegumathteth I wouldn't owe anyone anything either way!

I think I'd visit the other school, try to encourage your eldest to see it with an open mind, and go from there. I'd want to be able to afford the extra curricular activities though as they're usually more costly at private schools.

I don't mean literally and perhaps it's just my view but I'd just feel uncomfortable with someone else paying for it if that makes sense?

Bullying, and then Ofsted special measures would be the 2 things I was guided by. In a heartbeat.

I’d take the generous offer

How many grand dc are they paying for in total?

Very nice of them

If the other kids have gone private, why did she start at the comp?
of course you should move her! a parent's job is to make decisions that the child doesnt have the life experience or maturity to make themselves.
what are you going to say to her in 20 years when she asks you why didnt have a private education that was on offer.

Just read he’s already started. Not so sure

Maybe visit and see

@thaegumathteth it does which is why I've never taken up the offer before, the offers been on the table since the kids started reception but primary school has been great, I enjoy the kids being part of a community and I've never felt they lacked anything and also am uncomfortable with the idea of class segregation.

That being said, things are pretty great and I don't want my child missing out.

I mean pretty crap! Not great!

I was actually really lucky with my school in terms of what it offered. It was a big school and could offer things like drama, music, art, languages (though we didn't start a second language as early as they normally introduced it, because they couldn't recruit/keep German teachers). They also had been told by Ofsted that they weren't doing enough for able pupils so they had introduced schemes like moving selected kids up a year (so I got out sooner!) and offering extra GCSEs after school in things like art. But I still think I shouldn't have gone there, and your DC's school sounds way less good than mine (which was eventually forcibly merged with another failing comp, turned into an academy, and later closed down altogether).

I don't think your son being happy is the only thing that matters here. Unless he's very self-motivated, he probably will do less well at the comp overall, which he might well regret later. He could be just as happy at the private school, even if he doesn't think so now. And would you consider taking up MIL's offer for the siblings if you don't for the eldest? If not (I'd probably want them all at the same school), you can't let the eldest decide for everyone.

Have I read this right and understood? Your yr7 child is unhappy in some way despite having friends there, and you are unhappy at the local comp?

And your MIL had offered to pay for private education for all your DCs?

Friends can be remade and kept in touch with. Their friends change a lot from ur 7- Yr 11 so I wouldn't let that stop me if I thought ultimately it'd be a happier and better education experience for my child. I have 3 DCs two at uni now and saw how much their friends changed. It's short term pain for long term gain in a school move if you prefer the private school

I'd be inclined to take MIL up in her offer once I'd looked around the school with DD.... it's a very generous offer