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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is friend being a dick or am I over sensitive

32 replies

Irishmumof02 · 01/03/2023 10:13

I could be over sensitive here but also this girl just rubs me up the wrong way for some reason. At the start of the year I decided I wanted to lose some weight my depression was getting bad and honestly I just wasn’t happy with myself in how I looked. Iv lost two stone now and I’m feeling a lot better in myself. I’m sticking to a good diet and exercising regularly. It’s been the past few weeks other people have been telling me I’m looking far better and it’s gave my confidence a boost but since a friends birthday a few weeks ago this girl has been doing my head in. Keeps telling me I look sick now and accusing me of starving myself because at the party I didn’t eat anything more than a few cocktails sausages when before I would have stuffed my face. She’s starting to say things to me in the group chat and sending pictures in of food like take aways she’s eating telling me would I not rather that that rabbit food. Don’t know why she’s saying rabbit food because it’s not like I only eat salads. It really came to a head last night because in the group chat we are planning another friends birthday and she wants to go for a meal so we are arranging dates and where to book and this girl started on me about no point me even going as I probably won’t even eat anything they serve and il make everyone else feel uncomfortable. I don’t talk about food to them or tell people what to eat or bang on about diets or anything. I honestly feel like just telling her to fuck up because she’s making it now I don’t even want to be around my friends when she’s there. I will add she likes to be centre or attention a lot and has made people uncomfortable in the past by trying to flirt with their partners in a joking way but to the point people will leave the event she also has no boundaries and will often try to get people to talk about their sex lives in public places very loudly.

OP posts:
MamOfFive · 01/03/2023 10:15

I would tell her to shut the fuck up, she's no friend she sounds like a vile bully. Drop her.

PeonyRose80 · 01/03/2023 10:16

She is jealous of you, she is using her own insecurities to fuel these comments. You can only control your response to this which is ignore.

A friend wouldn’t behave like this, if you are close, call her out on it or distance yourself.

Well done for recognising your depression and doing something so positive - really admirable.

HappinessDragon · 01/03/2023 10:18

Try this (I’ve been where you are)

Just so I am absolutely clear, my weight loss and food choices affect you how?

Put that in your group chat, let her come blustering back with all her excuses and pointless reasons and then very politely say -

My health and my life are my business. I’m not interested in your life at all so why don’t you offer me the same courtesy?

Keep repeating similar until she gets the hint.

SallyWD · 01/03/2023 10:24

She sounds extremely jealous and insecure. Is she a little overweight herself? Even if she's not, she's clearly unhappy with your weight loss. I think it might be normal to make a comment like this once "Come on, you can have a slice of cake" or something but to keep banging on about it is just bullying. Yes, tell her to F off!

HappinesDependsOnYou · 01/03/2023 10:26

Just call her out on her crappy behaviour. Respond with "I'm bored of listening to your comments on what I eat" then ignore and if she perservers block

ReformedWaywardTeen · 01/03/2023 10:27

Yeah she needs ghosting.
Pure jealousy.

If it's a group text, have any of the rest of them told her to shut up? If I was in a group and someone behaved like that I think I'd have to say something.

noseposey · 01/03/2023 10:28

I would kill her with kindness
I’m sorry my recent weight loss has caused you some anxiety but I assure you I have a healthy appetite and still love to socialise so there is really no need for you to keep mentioning it!

but also love the PP response shut it down now and in public

ArrrMeHearties · 01/03/2023 10:30

She is being a dick. If she were a friend she would be happy for you for the changes you have made for yourself not putting you down

MyPurpleHeart · 01/03/2023 10:42

That's a jealous and insecure person right there. She's probably intimidated that you're looking healthier and happier as she's always mentally pitted herself against you and thought she comes out on top. What a nasty human being.

I'd say something along the lines of 'maybe rather than be so concerned with that I'm eating, why don't you spend some time working out why you seem to have such a problem with it. Clearly you have some food related issues, either that or you're just being spiteful'

Greyarea12 · 01/03/2023 11:00

Jealous and insecure. Call her out on it, chances are she won't mention it again.

SpeckledlyHen · 01/03/2023 11:02

noseposey · 01/03/2023 10:28

I would kill her with kindness
I’m sorry my recent weight loss has caused you some anxiety but I assure you I have a healthy appetite and still love to socialise so there is really no need for you to keep mentioning it!

but also love the PP response shut it down now and in public

This.

Alargeoneplease89 · 01/03/2023 11:03

She's a dick and trying to sabotage your weight loss... is she overweight?

Irishmumof02 · 01/03/2023 11:10

I’m definitely going to try the over kindness. My friends have called her out and told her to shut up but she likes to try target people with anything they feel insecure about. She is overweight herself but always says I’d rather eat than starve. I’m going to call her out on it but I’m the group chat as I know if I do it privately shel either ignore it or try twist it somehow. Thank you everyone

OP posts:
Warrensrabbit · 01/03/2023 11:19

Well done! It’s great you’ve done this for yourself and that you are feeling better.

she is just jealous and bitter that you have the discipline and drive to make this change for yourself, you’ll probably find there is something she wants to do herself but doesn’t have the willpower to make happen so she is trying to make herself feel better by raining on your parade.

take her bitterness as a badge of success! And keep aiming to piss her off, she’s no true friend

TheSnowyOwl · 01/03/2023 11:21

She sounds unpleasant but losing a stone a month is a lot. Were you very overweight at the start of the year?

Schnooze · 01/03/2023 11:23

Good luck.

stoptheasshat · 01/03/2023 11:27

Oh Snowy, leave her be! This isn't about rate of weight loss!
Well done OP!
I'd suggest "thank you for thinking of me. I'm fine with my food choices" over and over and over again!!! That way you're not at all confrontational and absolutely on the moral high ground!

quinceh · 01/03/2023 11:33

I think sometimes people’s lifestyle changes make others feel insecure. As long as you’re not constantly bringing your diet to other people’s attention it’s none of her business what you eat or do. Calling her out firmly
in the group chat sounds like a good approach. Then ignoring any further comments. Well done btw.

Goodyetalso · 01/03/2023 11:39

What is your BMI now? Could it be that you are looking a bit poorly after losing too much weight? We don’t know as we don’t know your starting weight - if you’ve lost 2 stone and are now at a good weight for your height then she’s being a jealous dick, but if you started off in the normal BMI range or only just slightly over and have lost 2 stone she could genuinely be concerned. (I suspect it’s just being a dick but we don’t know so can’t be 109% about it)

Shinyandnew1 · 01/03/2023 11:41

If everyone else is calling her out about it-they are fully aware she’s being a bitch. Rise above it as she sounds too thick skinned for ‘calling her out in it’ to be effective-she’ll just accuse you of being nasty.

Just ignore her comments and respond to everyone else.

ItsOKToFeelProud · 01/03/2023 11:47

Shes jealous

A few years ago i lost similar weight and the comments were similar

'you look ill, you're too thin blah blah.

Reality was i ate loads still just changed what I ate and moved more. Etc

However i think some was because I've always been chubbier so it was a suprise to them.

Call her out as pp said

FictionalCharacter · 01/03/2023 11:54

Irishmumof02 · 01/03/2023 11:10

I’m definitely going to try the over kindness. My friends have called her out and told her to shut up but she likes to try target people with anything they feel insecure about. She is overweight herself but always says I’d rather eat than starve. I’m going to call her out on it but I’m the group chat as I know if I do it privately shel either ignore it or try twist it somehow. Thank you everyone

There you have it - she’s overweight herself. She probably doesn’t realise how embarrassing it is when an overweight person tries to get a successful slimmer to eat too much, or goes on about rabbit food.
This does need to be shut down or she’ll never stop and it will spoil your social occasions.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 01/03/2023 11:56

"You seem to be obsessing about my food preferences. What's really bothering you here, because it's a non-issue?"

She'll wind her neck in when you call her out.
OR - she'll kick off, in which case just let her, drop the rope & walk away/stop responding.
Everyone else will have seen what a twat she's making of herself.
She can only taunt you if you allow it.

Undermyumberellaellaella · 01/03/2023 11:56

If I were you and your mates, I wouldn't even invite her anywhere if she's flirting with everyone's boyfriends and trying to embarrass everyone.

Brandyb · 01/03/2023 12:03

Just say: please stop commenting on my weight and food choices