DS (17) has form for seeing someone new and behaving horribly.
We have different opinions on transgender and he becomes offended when I call his trans-boyfriends girls. We have often debated trans topics and I thought respectfully disagree albeit with a little teasing and eye rolling when I call his friends by their original gender to him (never met them).
Anyway, in my opinion gender isn’t relevant to the events. At the weekend unbeknownst to me DS had a trans-boy (16) stay over, they left the house untidy, DS didn’t sleep at all before a big event (training all year for) and had bites all over his neck for said event in front of an audience of several hundred people, he missed the start of the event because they went together (which wasn’t the plan) and arrived late letting team mates down. Anyway I got home to house strewn with energy drink cans and untidy and smelt funny, maybe vapes but I cannot be certain.
I shouted at DS that he was out of order having someone here without my consent and when I wasn’t home. DS then refused to discuss the matter so I drove to the trans-boys/girls parents home to let them know what happened and that they may or may not have had sex and they may need to check if protection was used. I was calm and polite as were they and that was that. On Monday my DS and the other person were clearly talking about it and DS took it upon himself to apologise to the parents on my behalf and apparent the parents said I was batshit and overprotective and they felt sorry for him. I am so upset that he has apologised on my behalf for nothing.
At night DS hands his phone in as he always has and I infrequently check it, probably not checked it for a year or two but I wanted to know what the full story was and why he had apologised and what the parents had said that for and his messages to that person were nasty like ‘I hate my mum and if I had anywhere else to go I wouldn’t be here’ ‘she’s a bigot’ ‘your dad should have punched her for turning up uninvited’.
To add fuel to the fire I then messaged this person, thinking it was DS, telling them that I didn’t mean it and my mum is lovely actually just a bit protective because she cares etc.
DS has told this person it was me and they’ve clearly both been bitching about me all day. DS who was ok about it when I told him what I’d done this morning and apologised then text me later telling me how I broke the law and his human rights etc.
It’s a mess. He’s due home any minute and should be handing his phone in for the night because he is a screen addict and won’t function of no sleep. For context I tried leaving him with screen in summer and he was sick as a dog from lack of sleep.
His college grades have gone down hill rapidly from A*s to D’s in a matter of months and his finals are three months away.
He’s also gone extreme lazy around the house and won’t be a single thing without being nagged.
I’ve handled this very badly but how do others manage with almost adults?