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Original poster

To ask your ‘early days’ hacks with a newborn and 3 year old!

55 replies

Moonicorn · 28/02/2023 19:17

DC2 due in a couple of weeks, DC1 is 3. Looking for helpful hacks if anybody has any!

Will probably be bfing but will give the odd bottle (or rather DH will so I can sleep).

OP posts:
MrsBunnyEars · 28/02/2023 19:19

Following with trepidation as this will be me shortly.

My only plan so far is to outsource the three year old to her dad and granny as much as possible, and hope it doesn’t cause long term trauma….

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/02/2023 19:22

Lovely age gap imo- my 3 yr old was in a good routine, slept well and could use the loo etc. she also had nursery days so I had a break. All those things are essential, 2 bad sleepers will be hellish.

I made a point to go out every day when my eldest wasn’t at nursery, often buying cafe lunches to take off one more job and to help keep my house that little bit cleaner.

ohfook · 28/02/2023 19:22

No helpful hacks really just keep your standards low. Cereal for lunch is fine every now and then as are days when everyone has a bit more screen time than you'd like. Only do the classes and groups if you actually enjoy them - the kids don't need them!

If you're breast feeding keep a basket of toys nearby to you in case your older child wants something to play with.

ohfook · 28/02/2023 19:24

Oh and when your having one of those shitty days where one, or all, of you is grumpy. Nine times out of ten a bath or a walk will help improve the situation. One time out of ten it'll make everything worse and you'll wonder why you bothered!

Hiphopopotamus · 28/02/2023 19:24

I currently have a 2.5 year old and an 8 week old. A sling is an absolute godsend for using round the house when I have them both. It means the baby is close and comforted (and often sleeping!) and I have both hands free for the toddler.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/02/2023 19:25

ohfook · 28/02/2023 19:24

Oh and when your having one of those shitty days where one, or all, of you is grumpy. Nine times out of ten a bath or a walk will help improve the situation. One time out of ten it'll make everything worse and you'll wonder why you bothered!

Omg this is so true!!!

Cnidarian · 28/02/2023 19:27

Standards so low they're subterranean

Underadandelion · 28/02/2023 19:28

Relax about housework, TV time, who sleeps in which bed etc. You'll find your rhythm and gain the skills you need but in the meantime accept all help and 3yo childcare offered and specify "please bring a cooked pizza/ cake/ pack of size 2 nappies over, thank you so much" anytime someone wants to visit when you have a newborn and asks if they can get you anything. A sling can be handy to keep your hands free while still cuddling your little one. When baby is having a sleepy time enjoy a coffee, watch your eldest on the slide at the playground or just cuddle them both on the sofa and watch cbeebies. You'll be on to the next stage before you know it.

scrivette · 28/02/2023 19:29

Don't feel guilty about turning the tv on.

Have a big box of books next to the sofa so that when you are feeding the baby DC1 can choose a book for you to read so you can snuggle up together.

springbabydays · 28/02/2023 19:30

Grin and bear it!

WineIsMyMainVice · 28/02/2023 19:31

If you can wear your baby in a sling it really helps when going to certain places. My DD used to love being in the sling so I wore her all the time!
Good luck op.

Iam4eels · 28/02/2023 19:31

ohfook · 28/02/2023 19:24

Oh and when your having one of those shitty days where one, or all, of you is grumpy. Nine times out of ten a bath or a walk will help improve the situation. One time out of ten it'll make everything worse and you'll wonder why you bothered!

I was going to say this! I have four DC, all under the age of six at one point, and I loved by this. If you're ever in doubt, go for a walk or start running the bath (or do both one after the other).

Accept that some days will be a wrote off especially in those very early days. Go easy on yourself and them. In a similar vein, a few days of takeaways and too much Netflix will not do you any harm in the short term so if you have one of those days and need to cut corners then go for it.

Sometimes both of your children will cry. Provided neither of them are crying for life threatening reasons, see to your 3yr old first. They will remember having to wait, your newborn won't. A pissed off 3yr old is also capable of purposely fucking shit up in another room while you're seeing to the newborn (for example, an entire jumbo box of soap powder poured all over the kitchen floor) so for your own sanity, see to the 3yr old first.

springbabydays · 28/02/2023 19:31

Serious answer, I wish I'd asked this back then.

Don't ignore the 3 year old, even if baby is sick. It may have long lasting consequences.

Shrubb157 · 28/02/2023 19:32

My three year old loves having a lunch box with her breakfast. So she’ll have toast/cereal etc but then in her lunch box she’ll have yoghurt, some fruit, a wafer/baby bel etc and it’ll see her through to lunch time without inevitably asking for snacks when you’re feeding the baby.

Iam4eels · 28/02/2023 19:34

Oh and don't make a huge thing about your 3yr old being a big girl now, being such a grown up girl, such a big sister, etc. IME a 3yr old suddenly presented with a new baby will want reassurance that they are still your baby too. There might be a little bit of regression, just indulge it, they're just checking that they're still mummy's baby too and it will very quickly pass.

Baaaaaa · 28/02/2023 19:36

WineIsMyMainVice · 28/02/2023 19:31

If you can wear your baby in a sling it really helps when going to certain places. My DD used to love being in the sling so I wore her all the time!
Good luck op.

I second baby wearing.

PeppaPigStinks · 28/02/2023 19:36

Lower your standards; get a sling for the baby; get out for a walk especially when you feel it’s getting tough; Iceland food is ok; CBeebies/Disney+ is ok!!; let the three year old help where they can; remember no one is perfect and no baby is the same!
Congratulations!

MadamArcati99 · 28/02/2023 19:36

MrsBunnyEars · 28/02/2023 19:19

Following with trepidation as this will be me shortly.

My only plan so far is to outsource the three year old to her dad and granny as much as possible, and hope it doesn’t cause long term trauma….

Absolutely dont farm out the older child. sometimes make the baby wait while you deal with the older one.

UWhatNow · 28/02/2023 19:39

Maybe an unpopular view but we didn’t make a massive deal of new siblings. They came home, our young ones prodded them a bit but that was it. No expectations of them fussing or loving the new baby. All the focus was on keeping the routine and normality for the toddlers. We never had sibling jealousy or tantrums. Life carried on as normal but just with another tribe member!

NotAsOldAsIFeel · 28/02/2023 19:48

The TV is your (and your DC1's) best friend for a while, but use it sparingly so DC1 doesn't get bored of it. My MW suggested a shoebox of toys that could only be played with while I was BF'ing my newborn so my (then) 20mo old would be kept out of trouble for the duration. But tbh it didn't work as well as Peppa fucking Pig. I'm so sick of PP now but she's still mildly addicted.

Also, a sling. And grab any offers of help with both hands! If someone wants to come round, don't let them over the threshold without issuing a list of chores. They'll understand. Sign up for supermarket deliveries if you can, and don't feel at ALL bad about living off frozen pizza. Get DC1 excited to spend the weekend with grandma whenever possible. Get 'Little Dish' microwave meals in for your 3y old (and freeze them, they can be cooked from frozen) and serve with a side of peas. At that age they'll probably be able to help you with some things, like passing/fetching bibs/muslins - try to make it fun so they want to keep doing it. It's soooo hard but OMG it's even more rewarding. Brace yourself for a rough 4th trimester and if it goes well then you'll have a lovely surprise.

I'm 8 months in to having 2DC and I don't know where it's gone or how I do it most days, but every day is a fresh start. I get pretty shitty with my toddler as I also have chronic pain, but I forgive myself every night and make a fresh start every morning (while she doesn't seem to notice). Just keep on keeping on, you'll do great 😊 xx

dancingmice · 28/02/2023 19:48

Honestly, it's fine. Ask your Three year old to help eg get nappies. My eldest loves doing things like that. Don't worry about using tv to occupy the big one whilst you're with the small
One x

HungryandIknowit · 28/02/2023 19:52

Don't expect the older one to behave when you're breastfeeding. They know you're a bit stuck so will often act up at that time. Try to avoid putting yourself in situations where it's important they behave in those moments (toys, colouring, and if necessary TV). Suggest mostly ignoring the baby as much as you can to start with so the older one doesn't feel pushed out. Kids exchange presents when the baby is born. Try to continue doing older one's bedtime and having 1:1 time. If you can afford it put the older one in nursery for a couple of days a week and use that time to do chores, sleep, and spend 1:1 time with the baby. Again, if you can afford it, get a cleaner. If you're breastfeeding overnight put your other half in charge of older one in case of night wakes.

NatWestPigFamily · 28/02/2023 19:53

We have a 2yr 9month age gap. Involve eldest as much as possible fetching clean nappies or baby wipes etc. If you’ve had a bad night, snuggle up together in bed or on the sofa and let oldest choose a film or program to watch.
Also, we bought matching bears but in two different sizes, these were given from the baby to his big brother as a hello gift. My boys still have these bears in pride of place in their rooms.

Ftmbabyfun · 28/02/2023 19:56

Don’t forget the power of bribery! Another episode of a tv program (that you were going to let them watch anyway!) raisins, chocolate buttons for emergencies.

Cuddle the toddler as much as they will let you so they never feel left out or put second.

keep nursery/child care if you can so their routine is consistent.

good luck - I have a 2 1/2 yr old and 5 month old now - it’s hard but amazing!

Auldfangsyne · 28/02/2023 19:57

Don't underestimate how much a new sibling will rock your toddlers world.

Expect them to misbehave.

Expect to feel you've made a huge mistake and wander why you went for a second baby.

Slings are a godsend.

Let the baby bring a present. My 8yo still remembers the present she got at 2yo!

Special time with 3yo - ask relatives to take baby for a walk in the pram so you can spend time with toddler.

Lower your expectations.

Even lower again....