To ask your ‘early days’ hacks with a newborn and 3 year old!

[Moonicorn]

DC2 due in a couple of weeks, DC1 is 3. Looking for helpful hacks if anybody has any!

Will probably be bfing but will give the odd bottle (or rather DH will so I can sleep).

If your three year old needs your attention, don’t worry about putting the baby safely in their crib, even if they cry. You know the baby is safe and they won’t come to any harm. I had three under five and I couldn’t be in three places at the same time. My youngest had to wait sometimes but he’s the happiest of my three.

I agree with massively lowering your standards. If everyone is alive, has eaten some food, had a drink and isn't completely covered in poo at the end of the day that's a good day.
Also, plenty of snuggles and reassurance for the 3 year old. He/she is having their world upended. Divide and conquer, yes, but don't make it so you only have the baby and your DP has the elder one.

Im not in the same position but I’d just say organise the night before for the next day. I make my 15 month old daughters lunch, wash her bottles, get her clothes out and pack her bag if it’s childminding days or what not. I then get my own clothes out and get the nappy and wipes ready for the first nappy change obviously you may be changing through the night a newborn but it helps and write lists tick off what you’ve done and it’ll work out! But take your time and enjoy it xxx

Not the cheapest, but if you intend to give the odd bottle then just buy the tiny newborn aptimils to get you through the first couple of weeks and keep them in the bedroom. No need to hang about while a 3oz bottle cools down. Then if you continue bottle feeding, perfect prep all the way.

If you have a local play cafe, use it! I think we went when DC2 was 4 days old to let the toddler run off steam while I sat down!

Thanks all. DD will be in nursery 3 days a week, and with me for 2. One of those days DH will wfh so should be around to help with lunchtime.

Her baby bro has ‘bought her a gift’ (paw patrol toy), so hoping that will smooth things over at the first meeting 😂

When can/did you bathe both kids together? We have a shnuggle but wondering whether to get a bath seat so they can have a bath at the same time.

The best advice I was ever given was don't worry about creating bad habits if it helps get you through the day or night - screen time, dummies, sleeping in your bed etc. A bad habit can be fixed in a couple of days a broken person takes a lot longer.

Mine all did things that people warned me would be hard to get them out of (mainly dummies and sleeping in our bed) and they grew out of both of those things in their own time without any major stress.

Seconded. Your toddler needs you as much as ever.

Lots of things you can do with two- cuddling up on the sofa with the tv on chatting about what’s on, go to the park with baby in a sling, we used to do “grown up “ things with dd1 like going for a babycino while dd2 slept in the pram, involve the older child in “helping” with jobs if they enjoy that.

Honestly, going from 1 to 2 is so much easier than going from 0 to 1. It’s tempting to remember how hard it was with your first newborn and imagine you’re adding that on top of a toddler, but actually second time round the newborn stage is much, much easier as you’ve done it before and you know what you’re doing.

I bathed DD separately until she she was maybe 12 weeks, then I just bathed them together. Stick 3 year old in, then quick dunk for baby and then dry them off while 3 year old finishes playing. Keep a bouncer or something in the bathroom so you have somewhere to put the baby while you're getting toddler out

There is a three year gap between my DDs. I had a wrap style sling (a Caboo ) and DD2 lived in it for the first two months. She was happy being carried and DD1 was happy because my hands were free to play with her. It was much easier than I thought it would be to be honest.

Sling

Consider a double buggy (maybe not so relevant for a 3yo but I wish I’d bought one with a 2.5yo)

Buggy board

Snacks for the toddler

Get everything ready the night before

Lower all your parenting standards

If your oldest goes to nursery, try to keep him there consistently if you can afford it

Ask people to make a fuss of/play with your 3yo when they visit so he doesn’t feel ignored

Buy your 3yo a nice gift ‘from the baby’ and encourage grandparents etc to do the same

Try to carve out some 121 time with your oldest every day (even if it’s just 10m)

Research places you can go where the oldest will be contained and will need minimum input from you (soft plays, gymnastics classes etc)

Get your 3yo used to spending as much time with his dad as possible especially at bedtime

Best of luck!

That’s the first time I’ve seen a child spending time with their father described as ‘farming out’ 🤣

A thermos cup and plenty of caffeine

I found letting toddler 'help' was really good, like asking them to help change nappies etc.

Find some nice toddler groups to go out to

Use a baby carrier to carry baby and play with toddler.

My son adored his baby sister and was absolutely fascinated and loved helping me, choosing her clothes, feeding her etc

Loads of attention for the 3 year old while at the same time lots of physical contact for the baby. You can get away with pretty much ignoring a newborn if you sling up and give them boob on demand .

Of course the baby will get more demanding after the first few weeks but one piece of useful advice I was given was to make a bit of a performance out of prioritising the older one at times ‘to the baby’ - so saying “Baby, you’ll need to wait a moment, I’m doing X with >name of sibling< just now” etc.

Stock up on Cook ready meals

I had a next to me crib and changing
mat etc both upstairs and downstairs.

Defo a sling

Breast feed if poss

Pre-school/nursery sessions to keep toddler in routine as much as possible

Stickerbooks for toddler activity when feeding!

Shower in the evenings/dry shampoo!

Keep talking to newborn just as you would talk to 3yo including reprimanding them for random made up infractions. It helps the 3yo feel less unbalanced.

Get 3yo their own baby doll if they don't already have one and encourage them to play with it at the same time.

Try to reserve judgement on 3yo's "experiments" with the baby - redirect and try to intercept neutrally, rather than get cross.

If you have wipe clean floors then play doh is a god send for keeping the toddler occupied! Mine would happily sit squeezing shapes and making sausages with the the doh whilst I proffered an occasional ‘ooh’ 😂 also those magic painting books that just need water - total win! Snack pots made with lots of tiny things that take an age to eat are handy too, think little pots filled raisins/dried cheerios/cubes of cheese. They can snuggle next to you whilst you feed baby. It’s a lovely age gap as they often like to help fetch things for baby

Oh and also dummy - probably saved my life with DC2. Introduced it fairly early as we left it several weeks with DC1 and she totally refused it (and bottles).

Don't overdo it on the 'sibling' talk

Try and keep the toddlers routine and day as much the same as possible. Don't keep asking them if they want to hold / feed / help. Don't talk too much about them being a big sister or brother. Remember they are still a baby too and any challenging behaviour is probably a cry for connection.

Follow their lead and they will warm.tp their sibling in their own time. Took about a week for our daughter to love her little sister to bits and now she kisses and cuddles her loads, it's really cute. But I know if we had tried to force any of that, it would be completely different!

So many already said. I would just say k
layout what you need for bath/bedtime in the morning when toddler is likely more settled. If you are lucky you can even get some evening meal prep done before heading out for the vital fresh air. My second was born in October and really you can hardly start the evening routine too early ( some times they were in the bath by 5:30).

Absolutely this. I still remember before I had my first someone told me on bad days "just add water"

Run a bath with bath bombs/bubbles/chuck some toys in and it resets the day. Honestly I stick DSs dinos in the bath with him and he could spend hours in there

More good tips, all noted! DH is DD’s favourite person she’s very much a daddy’s girl, he does everything I do for her (maybe more) so luckily I’m not worried about him having to ‘step up’ and being clueless about it. Hoping all the anecdotes on here about little boys loving their mums is true so I’m somebody’s favourite for once!

I’m going to try to take DD to the park every weekend just the two of us.

She quite enjoys ‘being a grown up’ and ‘helping’ with housework etc so hoping to lean on this a bit and have her do little ‘jobs’ for me like fetching nappies and wipes.

Keep talking to newborn just as you would talk to 3yo including reprimanding them for random made up infractions. It helps the 3yo feel less unbalanced.

This made me laugh as we already do it with the dog (poor thing; she’s unjustly slandered!). If she has a hairy overtired moment a story about how the dog has been ‘naughty’ usually perks her up 😂

Keep pre-sliced veggie quiche in the fridge. You can grab and eat it with one hand, and every bite contains all the major food groups.

Also, keep sports bottles of water in the various locations you might sit down with the baby. Then when s/he falls asleep on you, you still have access to hydration.

2yr old and 11 week old here:

• sling is my best friend
• ask the toddler to get books when feeding and come up to read next to me
• toddler helps with nappies etc
• housework does not happen 😂
• I say things out loud to the baby 'I'll be with you in a minute I'm just helping DC1 get ready for bed' they now shout 'DC2 mum helping with pyjamas' 😂😂.
• the baby will cry, the toddler will cry, sometimes you all will cry.
• I try to get out at least once a day
• if I'm sitting down to feed and it's lunch time - I'll put DC1 at their table rather than high chair so they can get out (probably won't be an issue for you!)

DC1 has been at nursery up to this point (only for a few more weeks) and that has helped! Don't get me wrong the days with both are hard! But by keeping busy and expectations low (and for your DH) it will help! E.g. the house will be a shithole when he gets home 😂

My 2 year old desperately wanted to “play with “ the baby and was cross that he just ate / slept / pooed.

So, my top tip is that the only “game” which a newborn can play with a toddler is “hide and seek”. Toddler hides, you find toddler. Sleeping baby “hides”. Toddler finds baby. Hours of fun!!!!

Extra points if baby hides in the kitchen so you can also make tea!