Can women have a mid life crisis?

[Grabyourmotherskeyswereleaving]

I’m 45 and feel fairly young still inside, well until I had my Dd, which aged me or made me really grow up at least.
Lately I’ve had thoughts of running away, not real, concrete ones as I’d never leave my Dd…just thoughts of wanting a different life and how to make that happen…or having some excitement in my life. Dd started school in September, I’m back to work part time, I enjoy it but it’s work and not exciting. I live in a nice place and have nice friends..somethings missing…I was too consumed with Dd before now to feel like this and pre Dd, I had a quite exciting life of travel, music, drinking etc
I don’t really have any hobbies as life is just Dd, work, cooking, shopping, kids parties and the occasional catch up with friends without our kids. I’ve thought about going to the gym/yoga at night, but tbh i’m too tired by that point and just veg on the sofa watching tv
Anyone else’s life like mine and feeling the same? Is this just it now?

oh God yeah, I’ve been having one for years

@Wnikat Have you done anything about it? What way do you feel?

I think peri menopause can make you feel like that.

Of course - I never thought of it as a "man thing".

Why would women not be able to have a mid life crisis?

I kind of did recently, and I refer to it as my mid life crisis because breakdown raises eyebrows
key triggering factors: working incredibly hard in a role that was going nowhere and was terribly paid; my dd being the same age as I was when I had her (she is turning 20 this year, I was a young mum); my friends all being well paid, super professionals etc and I just felt that the only reason I wasn’t there too was because I’ve given half my life to being a parent; and basically turning 40 this year and just feeling so frustrated with my situation! So I did have something of a breakdown, I quit my job, found a career change, and I do feel it was a bit of a midlife crisis, although not in the conventional sense maybe.

I start my new job on Monday so I wish i could report back and say it was all worth it but I’m not quite there yet!

Of course, my DD's are convinced I'm having one . The motorbike, festivals and planning to travel overland to India were the main attributes

I'm absolutely loving my mid life crisis

What are you doing?😂

Why on earth would mid life crises be limited to men? 😕

Aside from that though, what you are going through is perfectly normal.

I suppose the question to ask yourself is - do you actually want anything to be different?

You say yourself that you don't have much energy for the gym/ yoga and just veg on the sofa. So what is it that you feel you are missing in your life? That exciting life of travel/ drinking etc might just be exhausting now!

Are you truly unhappy, or are you just feeling a bit nostalgic for the past (which you enjoyed at the time, but wouldn't actually enjoy now?)

Of course but you get to brand it as "rediscovering the real me" instead of a mid life crisis, everyone will applaud you and call you brave if you walk out.

Yes. Also absolutely enjoying mine. Spending time discovering who I am now, trying new hobbies, things I would NEVER have thought I would like, sometimes drinking too much, sometimes going sober, holidays alone doing exactly what I want, getting tattoos, distancing from friends who drain me, putting more in to friends who don't, meeting new friends who don't have children. My whole adult life since 18 I have been married with children so it's nice to start thinking about who, the fuck, I actually am.

Yes, since my dc started school and aren't as needy, I'm at a bit of a loss. I work part-time; my job is fine, doesn't stress me out.

Everyone in the house is happy, no dramas. It's all just a bit boring.

I'm not unhappy, I'm just a bit meh. Talking to other school mums, I think a lot of them feel like this. If you think about it, it probably makes sense. You spend your 20s and 30s building a career, getting a mortgage, starting a family. This is the first time in my life, I'm just coasting along and not striving for something.

I watched Fleishman is in Trouble recently - I really identified with the female characters; it helped me quite a bit.

I loved that book, is it on TV now?

@bunhead1979 it's on Disney+

We can do many things that men can also do!

What you describe is totally normal for peri aged women who had DONE their looking after bit. I was entertaining thoughts of moving to the country, by myself (plus dog obviously) and just reading books and cooking and going for walks.

One day I will probably do a version of that, but in the meantime I am not sick of city life yet, my children are still at school, and I need the regular income my current job gives me. Plus there are plenty of things I still love about my actual life.

But I do feel much more open to a dramatic change/running away than I would have been ten years ago. I think it's normal.

I met a woman who had a proper crisis this week - she left her husband (kids in their 20s) and shacked up with a man who was just getting divorced who she'd known in childhood. They took off down to Portugal on a motorbike and got random low skilled jobs for a bit, just for fun. I loved her stories but ultimately thought that is not for me - I would hate to throw in my life like that. Then again, I don't know how bad her life with her husband was.

Oh god yes me!. I really dont know whats wrong with me but im utterly fed up in general. I dont have kids, just DH and the dog. But already this week im planning my life away from him - im not even unhappy 😕 ..... I started a new job last year and on the whole I enjoy it - so its not work boredom. Im sick of staying home, but I dont want to go out and do anything. I have no clothes that fit nicely anyway.
Just in a general funk 😥

We can all have a decisive moment at any age! At 46, my DC left home, so I did too - upped sticks and moved somewhere totally different. Completely changed the way I live, left my old life behind and started again. I'm 51 now and am tempted to do it again because it was so much fun - except I'm very happy here and have found my place.

I'm 41 and feel the same 😥

Me too! I went off to Rome for a week on my own last year and just walked and ate pizza. I’m going to a gig in Oslo in Sept because, “fuck it, why not?”. I have loads of other gigs and theatre trips booked too.

I’m 47 and went through premature menopause, which was awful, but I’m coming out of it raring to go! If I want to do something then I just do it. OH thinks I’ve gone mad 😂

I should also add that my kids are 23 and 16, so I have much more freedom than you. I felt exactly the same as you when I was bringing the kids up. You put yourself on hold for their benefit, so of course it gets wearing. It’s also repetitive and hard work, so dreaming of more exciting things is really quite normal. It doesn’t mean you don’t have a great, happy life with an amazing family, just that sometimes you feel that you want and need more that’s for YOU.

I think it was Caitlin Moran who said that when men have a mid life crisis they get a sports car, when women have a mid life crisis they get a PhD.... I think that women get to a point where their children need them less and then life starts to feel empty and they look for something to fill the gap. (May explain why I'm trying to run a marathon this year.....)

Yes me! It's yet another downside of being an older mum though that I can't just waltz off into the sunset. I work FT and I'm always a bit frazzled and a huge bit knackered. Rarely do anything for myself. Barely have the energy of an evening to do anything. Don't do any exercise apart from a fair bit of walking.

Never even have the brain space to work out what it is that I'd actually really like to go and do.

If I ever say that I’m going to run a marathon then my OH will, quite rightly, stage an intervention because something has gone horribly wrong.

Good for you though and good luck!