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Original poster

Running away fund/secret stash

90 replies

Wizardofbecause · 28/02/2023 14:15

Do you have one? If so, where and how much?

I try to put bits of money away to save for Dds birthday and party and her summer clothes etc…if I don’t, we just end up spending it and it’s gone.
I really want to put back a secret stash for emergencies etc
Do others do this?

OP posts:
DancingDaughter50 · 28/02/2023 16:57

Different issues here.
Running away, no not really.

Savings for Christmas, birthdays etc yes!
We have loads, school expenses fund, extra curricular stuff again separate, holiday and so on.
Which we both contribute too, all of them!

Thefailinghousewife · 28/02/2023 17:08

I used to have one, but we needed it for something for the house a few years ago so we used it for that and never felt the need to build it back up. I could easily sell about £30k worth of “stuff” though that is just in my name.

billysboy · 28/02/2023 17:10

yes use my isa allowances in stocks and shares

SiobhanSharpe · 28/02/2023 17:14

No, but all our funds were either in joint names or in my sole name. DH had nothing! However, I have just transferred half of a shareholding into his name so that we will have two lots of capital gains tax allowances, after the CGT allowance was cut drastically in the last budget.
(I had held some shares for a very long time and there was a chunky capital gain on them.)
I still hold all our other assets in my name but they are in fact joint assets. Luckily DH trusts me - and I him.😉

Hillrunning · 28/02/2023 17:19

Thoes of you with secret money but consider your relationship to be a good one, don't you feel bad lying to your partner?

Greensleevevssnotnose · 28/02/2023 17:21

I gave 20k squirreled away

2catsandhappy · 28/02/2023 17:28

@Hillrunning maybe the OH has a secret fund too? I wish someone had advised me to have an escape fund. Really could have used it.
I send my dd money just for her to spend as she wants.

Hillrunning · 28/02/2023 17:37

2catsandhappy · 28/02/2023 17:28

@Hillrunning maybe the OH has a secret fund too? I wish someone had advised me to have an escape fund. Really could have used it.
I send my dd money just for her to spend as she wants.

Lying is still lying even if someone is also lying to you. I just can't imagine having a secret pot of money. A private one I could understand, a secret one no.

momtoboys · 28/02/2023 17:38

Warrensrabbit · 28/02/2023 14:51

I have one, and quite frankly it isn’t enough. I have £50k, and need 80k to buy my “partner” out of the house. So the house is currently on the market, but I am trapped living with him until it is sold. I don’t want to move out because he will make it difficult to sell and not give agents access, leave the place in a state etc, but he won’t move out.

Good lord! I don't have anything close to those figures! LOL. I thought we were talking money hidden in a bureau!

Hillrunning · 28/02/2023 17:38

Also, wouldn't better advice have been to not have relationships with people you may need to escape from?

AlrightJulia · 28/02/2023 17:41

Hillrunning · 28/02/2023 17:19

Thoes of you with secret money but consider your relationship to be a good one, don't you feel bad lying to your partner?

Mine knows about it. He also knows my past history and how it makes me feel secure having it there. I don't think I'll need to use it but I also thought I was happy in the past till it all went wrong so you never know.

KohlaParasaurus · 28/02/2023 17:42

I didn't have a secret stash when my first marriage broke down. That was stupid of me, because we'd already separated and got back together once and I knew for some time that the marriage was coming apart. I suspect my XH did have a secret stash. He accused me of having done all sorts of bizarre things to hide money from him, which suggests to me that he was up to all those tricks himself and it would have been in keeping with his nature. What I did have was the ability to earn enough to support myself and all the children financially and the fall back position of my parents being willing to lend me money in the short term if I needed it.

I don't have a secret stash now but I did in the first few years of my second marriage. It didn't involve active deception, just not disclosing one savings account. I encouraged my husband to have one too, because I didn't want him ever to feel he had to stay with me for financial reasons.

AlrightJulia · 28/02/2023 17:43

Hillrunning · 28/02/2023 17:38

Also, wouldn't better advice have been to not have relationships with people you may need to escape from?

People can change and the person they are when you start your relationship with them is not always the person they end up being. I never thought I would have needed a fund but then I did. And I didn't have one. But I do know.

lunar1 · 28/02/2023 17:43

We both have separate savings accounts with equal money in them, but nothing secret.

mynewusername2023 · 28/02/2023 17:44

I have one, it's not a secret and I don't feel I need a 'run away' fund, it's just a fund.

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 17:45

No I don't have one.

Don't need one, I'm financially independent

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 17:46

@Hillrunning

Exactly

Or not making yourself dependent on someone

AMarie91 · 28/02/2023 17:47

I have absolutely no money left each month. I do have 4 children to provide for though

GoodChat · 28/02/2023 17:47

I thought we were talking enough to pay a months rent up front - not a house deposit kind of money!

WalkAwaySugarbear · 28/02/2023 17:49

I don't but I manage the finances so it's DH that'd be screwed if we split.

ACynicalDad · 28/02/2023 17:52

We both have one

PandasAreUseless · 28/02/2023 17:57

It's not 'secret', but I have £75k in savings, which are mine.
Now I've saved up that on my own, I've switched to saving only into the joint account to build up some savings there too.

Sleepinatent · 28/02/2023 17:58

I needed one once and didn't have it. So now I own my own house (mortgage in my name not outright), am financially independent and won't get married so my "running away fund" is putting myself in this position, more of a kicking out than running away. I then have £3k for something like a boiler or big car job that I wouldn't touch for any other reason.

Cocobutt · 28/02/2023 17:58

I think both people in a relationship should have this fund (I’ve read threads where the female is encouraged to do this but the Man’s money should be shared and he shouldn’t have his own savings).

I think a couple hundred is enough though as it’s just to get a hotel for a couple of days and sort yourself out in an emergency.

If you’re able to both save more then great but if not I wouldn’t worry.

I don’t have any savings (not in a relationship) but I do have a couple of credit cards with a few thousand credit limit which I can use in an emergency.

BashfulClam · 28/02/2023 18:01

We have separate accounts and savings. We pay each month into a joint account that covers bills and have a joint saving pot for things like replacing the washing machine, MoT on the car etc. I have £10k in savings and would never have just a joint account, my mother made that mistake. When my dad died the joint account was frozen and she had no money . Also when he was trying to control her he’d go to the cash line after midnight and take out the maximum daily amount (pre internet banking and she didn’t drive so couldn’t go physically to the bank). No access to money so she had to stay with him.