To think there is zero benefit to telling people who are lonely that this is bad for their health

[salutsandy]

Just heard a smug thing on the radio about how having no social contacts is the worst thing for your health. I've heard this before but it made me think, what if you're listening to that and you are lonely, what on earth is the point of this? A lot of people who are lonely do try to make friends, there are often threads about this on MN.

I mean just check out some of the threads on here 🙄 there was one yesterday where the OP was ‘uncomfortable’ because she asked to use her friend’s toilet and they said ‘no’ as a joke before agreeing. Come the fuck on, how can you be that sensitive?!

Before I had DS, groups and hobbies have never been at times/places I could reasonably get to. Or they were during the working day, when I was working.

And now my whole life is either working or caring for DS. If I'm lucky I get an hour with DH from 11.30pm. It's quite depressing really. But I don't have time to give anything back in a friendship really, let alone actually going out and trying to meet people and develop friendships.

I'm really lonely and isolated at the moment.

If someone told me it was bad for my health I'd be like "no shit sherlock" 😔

Pets are great, and for those that want dogs an excuse to walk with them.
i prefer cats

And how often do you read on mumsnet 'well if you can afford a house in the south' you need to move somewhere with cheap housing'(where chances are you may well WFH and know no one for a good while and possibly not have primary school aged kids either) leaving behind any reasonably close local friends or family etc

I agree people do move areas because of housing costs and that impacts things. Also the pandemic really impacted social connections.

Sympathy to Twitfeature and anybody else feeling lonely or isolated.

Thank you @salutsandy - I've been made redundant and I'm struggling to find a new role.
I've gone from 15 years in the office to nothing!

Many of the roles are WFH which don't really solve the issue 😞

I do have friends but they're all in FT employment.

as another PP said, so many people on Mumsnet seem to love being in their 'little family' , refuse to answer the door, take in parcels for a neighbour etc etc .. so no wonder there is no sense of community and friendships formed.

I think in part this is a warning to people to be proactive against this happening. A lot of women allow this to happen to themselves when they get married and have children because they feel they no longer need anyone else and this is a very dangerous road to go down. If in your 20s you learn to prioritise friends and not let them slide just because you've got a partner that will go a long way to protect you against this happening.

Also I suppose also with older people and those with chronic illnesses or MH problems a bit of contact a couple of days a week can be a lifesaver and its a warning to the rest of us not to just assume that people are OK.

I’ve been unwell for months and unable to leave the house. My friends have just drifted away which is upsetting.

l can make friends eadily, but I’m not well enough to do so.

I'm a pretty sociable person and am not lonely. But I do NOT have someone I could phone at 3am! I wouldn't expect to either. No matter the problem, I'm confident I'd always be able to handle it.

I feel the same about being told how bad lack of sleep is.

I know I suffer from insomnia. Making me even more stressed does not help.

I never learn. I think I have made a friend but then it turns out that I was just there during their tough time. As soon as things are better they disappear.
Some people are lucky in that they do near to nothing and still have an amazing network. Then there are others like me who have to fight just to get one good person in their lives. Really crap.

It's not you. It's just people. They tend to be closer/more proactive when they need a friend and more elusive, and interested in the fun crowd when they don't.

It's tough to deal with but recognising it's a thing, and not taking it personally are important ways of handling it. Also having more casual people you can hang out with, even if it's just for coffee after Pilates or school run or evening class helps to feel you're not just reliant on one or two people.

Even coming on here is connecting a bit. And if it's 3am, there's always the Samaritans to call. They're not just if you're suicidal. They're also if you're feeling lonely or going through a rough patch.

I’d definitely answer the phone at 3am if I heard it. The fact that some are outraged at this prospect is baffling to me. If your friend phoned you at 3am it would be reasonable to assume some sort of crisis so why wouldn’t you answer to your best friend? It’s what friendships are about. Bloody hell. So much for, ‘’you can talk to someone any time’’

If you have lots of relationships,, ie friends, you are probably a laid back, amusing , happy person so will live a long life, friends or no.

Anyone ringing me at 3am will be disappointed. My phone is on silent. I am not on call for anyone 24/7.

My dad has zero friends. My mum is his life, and he is happy with that.

I just hate that I am that person. The go to when things are hard but dropped when things are all OK again. I feel it's my fault as it happens a lot. Makes me feel I'm only good for listening and boosting others up but not to have just as a general friend.
I hate that I have to go to so much effort where as others just have friends or good people on tap. Certain things do come a lot easier to others with little effort where as others like me have to work for friends, relationships etc. That's why it can be soul destroying and upsetting. It's easy for people on the outside who have these things easily to say 'volunteer' ' Join a group'. All well meaning but if you haven't been there then you don't really understand how it feels.