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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think cheating isn't as bad when there are no children and you don't even live together..

50 replies

Gallact · 28/02/2023 08:09

AIBU?

OP posts:
Conkersinautumn · 28/02/2023 08:11

There's less fall out, but betrayl is a certain sort of pain. There's no competition on despair is there? What hurts hurts.

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/02/2023 08:14

Betrayal is betrayal. Once trust is gone it is very hard to recover. It may be easier to separate if you’re not cohabiting but the betrayal is the same.

TheGoogleMum · 28/02/2023 08:16

Maybe less bad but doesn't make it forgivable

AnnoyedFromSlough · 28/02/2023 08:16

It doesn't have the same repercussions. I'm sure it's still bloody awful for the injured party though.

ILiveAt64ZooLane · 28/02/2023 08:22

Having to deal with my DD’s upset, almost grief, after this happened to her I’d say you’re wrong.

BashfulClam · 28/02/2023 08:24

Wtf?

stealthninjamum · 28/02/2023 08:24

I think it can be just as painful to be cheated on if you have no children but at least once you separate you don’t have the wound picked open when you try to coparent and when you become aware of the other person in your children’s’ lives.

burnoutbabe · 28/02/2023 08:25

Well it's cleaner than a generic out of the blue "something changed, I don't love you anymore" type break up.

Both hurt though. (Ignoring std risks of course)

StopStartStop · 28/02/2023 08:25

If you're in what you think is and exclusive relationship and your relationship-partner cheats, it hurts.

journeyofinsanity · 28/02/2023 08:27

Is there a back story to this?

magicthree · 28/02/2023 08:27

Cheating is cheating, no matter what. Why would it hurt any less just because there are no children, or you don't live together?

ScentOfAMemory · 28/02/2023 08:29

Doesn't have the same consequences maybe, but the person doing it still makes an alley cat's ethics look admirable.

journeyofinsanity · 28/02/2023 08:31

magicthree · 28/02/2023 08:27

Cheating is cheating, no matter what. Why would it hurt any less just because there are no children, or you don't live together?

It could hurt less as you aren't suffering the added pain of seeing your dc suffer.

Marblessolveeverything · 28/02/2023 08:31

The cheating is the same the impact is more limited.

JorisBonson · 28/02/2023 08:34

Goady thread.

BeetleyCarapace · 28/02/2023 08:35

Context-free assertions help no one.

Warspite · 28/02/2023 08:35

Cheating is cheating whether you live together or not. The investment in a relationship gets kicked in the gutter. The pain is excruciating.
Believe me, I know.

MadeofElephantStone · 28/02/2023 08:37

Feelings of hurt and betrayal are not a competition.

Tiredalwaystired · 28/02/2023 09:03

This is like saying “knife point robbery isn’t as bad if it doesn’t lead to manslaughter”

Of course it’s not AS bad. But it doesn’t make it victimless. You shouldn’t try and pretend otherwise.

moveoverye · 28/02/2023 09:05

Not in the sense that there is just one person getting hurt rather than two or more. But it is just as hurtful to the partner, obviously.

AnnoyedFromSlough · 28/02/2023 09:10

My guess is that op either

a) has a friend that has been cheated on, but op thinks their situation is worse because op was married with children, and thinks the friend should pull her/him/themself together

or

b) has cheated on someone and thinks they are getting way too much flack for it considering they are childfree and don't live together

TangledUpInDreams · 28/02/2023 09:11

Or c) ‘journalist’

or d) wind up merchant

pointythings · 28/02/2023 09:12

The fallout may not be as bad, but the person doing the cheating is still lacking in morals and decency to the exact same degree.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/02/2023 09:13

Well, I suppose you're technically right. You are only hurting one person, rather than breaking up a family and significantly changing the upbringing of some kids (and compounding the pain of a partner who's been betrayed by making them watch the effect on their kids if the relationship breakdown).

But, it's a bit like saying that attacking someone and breaking their leg is less bad that killing them. It is, bit both are completely shitty things to do.

WandaWonder · 28/02/2023 09:15

No idea but it is said people cheat on partners not children so I guess it depends on how each person sees it