To wonder what's wrong with me

[Pd05]

I find it extremely difficult to actually live a normal, healthy, productive life. Currently sitting on my bed halfway sorting out my mountains of laundry I've left on my bedroom floor for the past few weeks. I've been putting it off for ages because everytime I finally do it, like tonight, it starts slipping back almost immediately, and the thought of having to sort through everything, put all my rubbish in bin bags, organise all my makeup again etc overwhelms me to the point I just try to ignore it, which lets it build up more, it's a viscous cycle. I have to write lists on what to eat for the day because I will either eat too much or too little. I am young, still in my teens and everything just feels so overwhelming, I live on my own and thinking about life and how to progress is so scary to me. Nothing feels real and I think this is because I'm trying to ignore everything in my own little world in my head to avoid thinking about the mountains of things I have to tidy in my bedroom, the fact I have to start sorting out an application to council houses and move out of my accomodation soon, needing to apply for college again after missing the last 2 years, wasted almost a year of my life on being constantly stoned or worse and now I'm a few months into being practically fully sober except drinking occasionally and life seems so so difficult and complicated. I just want to hibernate in my bed all day everyday but instead I have to force myself to have a shower, do my hair and makeup, find a nice outfit by going through all the clothes on my floor every morning and then go out and act like a normal person to my friends and boyfriend. I'm so tired.

Sorry for the long post I'm just looking around at my room and it feels impossible I know logically it's not but everytime I do a whole clean I tell myself it'll never get like this again and then it does

Can you try and just tackle it bit by bit? Just do one section today? I often read the advice that if something feels too much, just start somewhere and try to do a bit, then you may find you get in the swing of it and before long you've done quite a lot.

Tidy for 3 songs on Spotify. That’s it. 3 songs today. For the 4th one, pick what you’re wearing tomorrow.
In the morning, rather than boiling a kettle, boil water in a pan. Takes about 3-4 minutes. Jump in the shower quickly and come out just as it’s boiling, ready to be poured over tea/coffee.

Sounds like you could have ADHD

For one thing, it sounds as if you have too much 'stuff'. Take half of your clothes to a charity shop, and it will leave you with more room to sort out the rest. Surely no-one needs that much make-up that they have to continually organise it?

Set yourself one task a day. Bills one day. Tidy next day. Rest next day. College applications the day after. Etc.

Do you have any mental health support? It sounds as if you are very anxious.

Read the book 'Atomic Habits' and then start changing your lifestyle little by little, so you build up constructive daily routines, weekly routines, etc.

You’re a teenager living on your own, it’s ok to
feel overwhelmed.

I second the advice you’ve already been given: doing a bit is better than doing none. If a whole task feels too much, just do it for 15 minutes worth of the task instead.

Definitely do just a little bit at a time as others have suggested. And I also agree that you've got way too much stuff.

If you have fewer clothes then it is less overwhelming and you naturally do wahig more often because you need clothes to wear.

Check out Marie Kundo and the Art of Tidy Up.

Your reactions and behaviour are really normal for being emotionally overwhelmed. The catch 22 is that it's hard to lift yourself out of it because the energy you need to do that is being spent just getting through the day.
Is there anything you can simplify or anyone tho can help.
In my area there are services that can support people in your situation.
Do you have anyone to put a wing round you? 💛

The ‘too much stuff’ point is interesting. I don’t know if that is part of what you’re facing OP but I agree life would be much simpler with less stuff. I watch really calm ‘day in the life in Japan’ videos (various YouTubers but eg m.youtube.com/watch?v=v1ptJdeQjTc) when I feel a bit overwhelmed and think their lives look so lovely with much less ‘stuff’ and such simple wholesome routines and getting pleasure from small things.

I love the music and pan solution.

Folding straight from the clothes line is always efficient. Taking dirty clothes off straight into a washing basket is another way to bypass double handling. Putting rubbish into a rubbish bag every day will save time later.
How great that you are oranised enough to see friends regularly and have a menu/shopping list.
You have good plans for the next stage.
To enjoy a sleep in is normal.

I think some of us always feel like our life is never quite as under control as we would want it…. the tidying of my house seems endless and that’s just the tidying not even the cleaning. I think if you’re a teenager living independently you’re already winning - your brain doesn’t even finish developing until you’re around 24 so go you!!!! I’ve seen some great videos on Tik Tok regarding huge clutter / tidying ( don’t get sucked in for hours) and I honestly believe if you can tackle the mess you will feel more in control and capable of tackling the other tasks. Do you have anyone who can come over and give you a hand? You need a bit of a system. Marie Kondo is the “ go to “ and she has a book and a Netflix series but there are other similar organising shows which might be inspirational for you. The past is done so stop looking over your shoulder - you have years and years ahead of you to find what works for you and move forward. You can do this x

I am three times your age and l am still dreaming about getting to the bottom of the laundry basket as it just keeps filling up.
When my teens were living at home their rooms were often in a state and sometimes l had to help them to get on top of it.
You are a teen living alone so give yourself credit for completely being responsible for yourself and all that entails. A lot of people have some chaos at home and put on a brave face heading into the world. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Saying all that you may have ADHD as already suggested so a chat with your GP might help. Get a white board and pen and write 3 things for yourself every night that you will do next day and enjoy ticking them off when they get done.
But in general go easy on yourself. Life skills come to us as we get older and more experienced.

Thank you everyone for the replies. I've sorted all of my clothes into bags of what needs washing tomorrow mostly what I'm keeping but some I'm selling or getting rid of (two bags), what I'm keeping but is clean (another two bags) and what I'm getting rid of but is clean (one bag). It's taken me since I've written the first post pretty much but I'm so glad I've at least got that much done. It felt legit impossible but I've done it and proved to myself I can even when it's at its worst. I can see my floor now. Tomorrow morning when I wake up I'm going to go straight down and put them in the washing, while they're washing I'm going to put all my rubbish in a bin bag and put my washing up in the kitchen (also somehow managed to smash a plate in the process lol). Afterwards I'm meeting my boyfriend and going for a walk and then getting food shopping on my way home. When I get home I'm going to organise all my clean clothes that I'm keeping into my drawers and then have a shower and get into nice clean pyjamas, then the next morning I'm going to hoover and wash up before my boyfriend comes over. It feels a lot more possible now and after forcing myself to do this after it's got to this point I think I will hopefully be able to keep it tidy or at least not get anywhere near this point again.

Thank you. It is so hard and I definitely need therapy or something to get everything out because I still haven't processed much of anything but I am very slowly getting myself a little bit better myself. Can I ask what makes you think I have ADHD? Some of my friends have it and they've told me they think I do as well and I should try and get assessed?

Thanks again

I am young, still in my teens
**
And there you have it.
Brain carries on developing until our late 20s.
Just keep on keeping on - PPs have good advice. Chip away at things and little by little it all comes good.

It feels awful because school and childhood doesn't prepare us for big projects - sure there's GCSEs and A Levels but TBH the school feeds us the organisation of all of that, we just have to turn up and do what we're told.

The actual experience of planning and working through any sort of big project on our own is completely foreign to most of us. It's bad enough motivating ourselves to do that night's 1-2 hours homework, and we don't even have to decide what it is, we're told what we should be doing!

And suddenly a magic number of days has passed and we are ADULTS apparently.

The trick is not to do anything permanent. So get gold plated contraception, keep up with the staying off drugs and booze (hopefully you don't smoke!), don't borrow money, don't get married, don't let a drunk driver give you a lift. Stay alive and sort of going and, you know, things kind of just do end up getting all sorted out, and - wait, you're 27 and have a job, a car, and live somewhere that's not a health hazard. Yay.

Adhd was my first thought to, OP. I was diagnosed as an adult. The overwhelming, the putting things off, the feeling that really simple things are beyond you. Worth looking into.

It's like when I think of doing something my brain breaks it down into individual parts and makes it seem like the most complicated thing ever. Gonna try and get to sleep now but just wanted to say thank you so much for everyone making me feel less alone

Forgive yourself.
You are actually doing really well.
The thing about housework is that it never really gets done, so don't get depressed when you see it piling up again.
I see from your last post that you are breaking it down into smaller tasks, which is great because it is a step by step process. When you're really busy you might not get round to everything. Some weeks you might be completely on top of it.
I wasn't taught to be organised and it took me quite a while to realise that 5 minutes of organising was worth hours of rushing about at the last minute. But now there's tonnes of great video channels where they help people streamline their lives a bit.
The thing that helps me the most is setting reminders on my phone so I don't forget appointments.
All my bills are online, but I PDF print them and Have a good filing system online so that I can find all my paperwork really easily.
The other thing that helped me was getting outfits top to toe ready the night before and having a "go" box by the door with my bag, my travel card, everything I need for the next day.
It made everything so much easier in the mornings. - this made me more confident because being late and not having the right things with you, means you end up apologising all the time.
The fact that you've really been thinking about how to organise yourself and starting to list the things that you could do and asking people for advice is a really good start. You are already getting ahead of it all.

undiagnosed ADHD or ADD is screaming out to me.

i have 2 kids with both

ADHD screams out as me.

I only twigged that was my life long "curse" when my youngest DD said she thought she has it (she does).

Spent my life procrastinating, overwhelmed, talking too much, under achieving for my potential, hyper focused on one thing to the detriment of all else and so on.

You are doing amazing for getting sober and living by yourself. Please give yourself credit!

Read up on line about ADHD and there are people posting on Tic Toc describing how it feels to have it. My ds has it and he finds beginning a task and carrying it through to the end very difficult. He can concentrate amazingly on areas which he has a great interest in but when it comes to getting through a task in the house he gets distracted off to other things and feels overwhelmed. He does emerge from his room looking like a million dollats and is always dressed perfectly for the occasion as he is very creative. But, like you, he can have left bedlam behind him. It has helped him studying up on it and also helped us all as a family. He has said he has always known there was something amiss since he was a young child as not diagnosed until later.
There are lots of aspects which would be impossible to go into here.

There are tests oline which would give you an idea of the areas involved. If you find yourself saying...that's me..pursue it with your GP. And be gentle on yourself meantime.

So I've just finished all of my washing, one of the tumble dryers is broken so it's taken a bit longer than it should've but it's finally all done and now it's just in my room all in bags but at least it's all clean and off my floor. I've put all my rubbish into a bin bag and put my washing up in the kitchen. I'm getting ready to go out n meet my mate, so I can take the rubbish down to the bin when I go down, and when I come back I'll start organising all of my clothes into my drawers, and hoover my floor either tonight or tomorrow morning. It's so weirdly mentally draining but I've done the hardest part. Organising my clothes should be fine I can put on some music and sit and do it. Ill respond to everyone properly later but thank you for all of the support 💗

Well done! That's fab! It takes a lot of self motivation to manage that. I admire that.
How you have a good time with your mate.
It's ok to feel overwhelmed. Supporting yourself at your age isn't easy. 👏💜❤️💛💚

Amazing! Honestly you w dine brilliantly and it sounds like you've broken the back of it. I help people with organising their homes for a living and I know it's hard - I also second the suggestion of ADHD, many of our clients have it. Understanding it (and yourself) is half the battle. Well done, you really sound like a determined person and we're all here for you if you need us.