I find it extremely difficult to actually live a normal, healthy, productive life. Currently sitting on my bed halfway sorting out my mountains of laundry I've left on my bedroom floor for the past few weeks. I've been putting it off for ages because everytime I finally do it, like tonight, it starts slipping back almost immediately, and the thought of having to sort through everything, put all my rubbish in bin bags, organise all my makeup again etc overwhelms me to the point I just try to ignore it, which lets it build up more, it's a viscous cycle. I have to write lists on what to eat for the day because I will either eat too much or too little. I am young, still in my teens and everything just feels so overwhelming, I live on my own and thinking about life and how to progress is so scary to me. Nothing feels real and I think this is because I'm trying to ignore everything in my own little world in my head to avoid thinking about the mountains of things I have to tidy in my bedroom, the fact I have to start sorting out an application to council houses and move out of my accomodation soon, needing to apply for college again after missing the last 2 years, wasted almost a year of my life on being constantly stoned or worse and now I'm a few months into being practically fully sober except drinking occasionally and life seems so so difficult and complicated. I just want to hibernate in my bed all day everyday but instead I have to force myself to have a shower, do my hair and makeup, find a nice outfit by going through all the clothes on my floor every morning and then go out and act like a normal person to my friends and boyfriend. I'm so tired.