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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be sending my child to nursery?

54 replies

redheart23 · 27/02/2023 15:30

Hello,

We are lucky enough to be in a position whereby I only work around 6 days in the month, and my parents / in laws help out on those days where we need childcare.

Therefore, I have not and will not be putting my baby in nursery; as she's with me most of the time! A few of my friends have made comments about how 'it's good for babies' to be in a nursery and how she's going to 'miss out on social skills'.

I just don't see the point in spending so much money when we don't need to? I take her to classes in the week; and of course when she's around 3 I will look into a nursery. She's not even interested in other babies at this age (9 months).

My siblings and I did not go to nursery - and we've turned out okay!!

Would be interesting to see other people's opinions?

OP posts:

sleepwhenidie · 27/02/2023 15:35

You don’t say how old your baby is. I think at 2.5/3 (depending on the child), social interaction is fun and beneficial for them - before that, a bit of space is mostly for your benefit but you could get that from, say, a couple of hours using a crèche at a gym, or having a babysitter one afternoon/day a week. Cash involved (not as much as a nursery) but those were the ways I stayed sane. I didn’t want to leave babies with DH on the weekend to have some time to myself as it was the only time we had to be all together.

Flamingogirl08 · 27/02/2023 15:35

Mine is 9 months and not in nursery either. I'm not spending money I don't need to, I will send her when she's a bit oolder. I wouldn't worry about it

sleepwhenidie · 27/02/2023 15:36

Apologies, you did say age! No a 9mo does not need social interaction with other babies 😊

DESGUSTING · 27/02/2023 15:37

9month old doesn't need nursery if not needed for childcare.

I would say from 2 is pretty good for them regarding social skills.

FlounderingFruitcake · 27/02/2023 15:38

As long as you do have proper help for those 6 days as it’s sketchy WFH whilst looking after LO once they get mobile then of course you are fine!! Sounds like the friends making the comments are feeling insecure because they need to use nursery to work, which of course is absolutely fine, but it’s definitely not for baby’s benefit. From 3 I think they massively benefit from going, even from 2 can be good for some e.g. my DS started going 2 mornings a week from 2 and it’s great, but any younger then it’s literally just childcare. Babies are not social!

SeasonFinale · 27/02/2023 15:39

You are doing just fine and carry on with your own plan. I suspect that is their own guilt (which they needn't have either) that they have to put their child into childcare that makes them say that.

Everyone has different circumstances and it is sad that someone jealous of your circumstances feels they need to try to belittle you.

Beseen22 · 27/02/2023 15:43

I guess it's something people say to take away the guilt they are feeling. I have 2 DS, one went to nursery at 9 months and one at 3. The one that went to nursery early was speaking conversationally at 18m whereas the other wasn't really at that stage until 2.5, however I don't think that was purely down to lack of nursery.

I've noticed with both my kids and friends and family that they often get a bit bored at 2.5-3 at home and you start to think it would be beneficial but before then you can do whatever suits.

VivaVivaa · 27/02/2023 15:44

Nursery is nothing more than expensive childcare until about 2.5 to 3 years old. DS has been going since 11 months so I can work. It’s a great nursery (he’s now in the pre school) but I’d say it’s only really benefited him in the last 6 or so months. Don’t worry about it.

R0ckets · 27/02/2023 15:45

At 9 months she won't benefit from the socialising aspect of nursery but as she gets older 2.5-3 years then yes nursery is beneficial for making friendships and learning how to play with others..

I would caution you commenting on the subject to your friends with small children however as they may see it as criticism. Unfortunately most people are not as fortunate to be able to work only 6 days a month and will need to use childcare so they can work to pay the bills.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/02/2023 15:46

Mine started at 3 a couple of long mornings a week. She’s incredibly well socialised and loves it but I don’t wish we’d started earlier. I’ve worked around her from home and that’s what’s suited our family, no one’s ever commented and I wouldn’t care if they did. Shrug it off. And pah at socialising under ones, people can be so daft.

Arthurflecksfacepaint · 27/02/2023 15:46

None of mine went anywhere before starting reception (just as couple of playgroups each in the week with me).

You wouldn’t have noticed. And now my eldest is an adult, if you stood him next to a child who had been at nursery since a year old, I’d bet my house you wouldn’t be able to tell which was which.

It’s something people get so hung up on, but it really doesn’t matter.

LunchBoxPolice · 27/02/2023 15:47

Your baby, your choice.

Mine started nursery a couple of days a week at 1 year old. Their speech is amazing now (2.5) and they’re great at sharing and playing with others. I can’t definitively put this down to nursery though, it could just be their nature and luck.

Beamur · 27/02/2023 15:47

Babies don't need nursery.
Toddlers/pre-schoolers can start learning (by playing) and some time away from primary carers can help prep them for school.
None of it is necessary though. You can socialise your kids etc in other ways too.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/02/2023 15:48

I would caution you commenting on the subject to your friends with small children however as they may see it as criticism

It’s a shame OP’s friends aren’t shying away from commenting and criticising her. Cuts both ways.

Twizbe · 27/02/2023 15:50

Babies don't need nursery. Parents need nursery. As long as you're not judging those parents who do need nursery - crack on.

I do think toddlers need some sort of preschool though. Both mine did 3-5 mornings a week from 2.5.

threeplusmum · 27/02/2023 15:51

My eldest daughter started just after she turned two, 2 years ago so I was entitled to free 15 hrs per week otherwise I'd of had to of paid. She is sailing in terms of development she was ahead before she started and will be ahead of the averages before she finishes In July to start reception. I don't think it matters that much when they are that young but it's good to go to some mother and baby groups just for that bit of social interaction. With my 2nd daughter I had to force myself to go to mother and baby classes but I know I'm doing it for her best interests

R0ckets · 27/02/2023 15:52

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/02/2023 15:48

I would caution you commenting on the subject to your friends with small children however as they may see it as criticism

It’s a shame OP’s friends aren’t shying away from commenting and criticising her. Cuts both ways.

Of course it does and if they are bringing it up without the OP starting the conversion that's unnecessary but in my experience the parents I knew who didn't use nurseries or who were fortunate to have family childcare often brought the subject up first and left those of us using childcare feeling like we needed to defend the decision. Let's be honest most of us wouldn't use childcare for a 9 month old if we had another choice.

jannier · 27/02/2023 15:52

Absolutely no benefit in nursery unless your not providing stimulation or baby isn't separating from you by the time they are around 30 months. Good parenting is better than a nursery as they get older meeting others turn taking and sharing listening to stories and independence skills are important but you can do it all up to reception if you put effort in and go to groups, library stories times and encourage self dressing.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 27/02/2023 15:53

Babies don't need to go to nursery. Social skills don't start until 12-18 months... and as you're already going to groups she'll learn those skills there.

I had to send my baby to nursery because I had to go to work. I'd have loved to be in your position! Enjoy your baby.

HerbErtlinger · 27/02/2023 15:54

I didn't send mine as my job had flexible hours we could work around when DP was home. We put DS in preschool when he was 3 a few mornings a week when the free hours kicked in and he enjoyed it

zingally · 27/02/2023 15:54

If you're taking her to classes, and if she'll go to the likes of playgroup and pre-school when she's 3, I can't see the point of nursery (and paying out for it!) if you don't need it.

Neither my sister nor I went to nursery (in the 80s). I went to playgroup in the village hall two mornings a week, and the rest of the time I was with mum until I started school!

Tubofroses · 27/02/2023 15:56

Of course its fine. I do think nursery/pre school environment without a parent even for a few hours is beneficial before school though- when they reach 3/4ish.

whoamI00 · 27/02/2023 16:01

Don't worry about social skills. I really don't think not sending your child to nursery would affect your child's social skills in the slightest. As long as you're happy to spend time with your child, that's what matters.

Reugny · 27/02/2023 16:05

Babies don't miss out on social skills as they learn what they need from their parents and close family, and generally going out and about doing normal everyday things. Toddlers and pre-schoolers can do though.

My DD was actually a Covid toddler but due to luck e.g. DP's job, childcare we chose, she hasn't suffered as she was around more people than us.

It was actually really noticeable and still is to some extent that children around her age - they are between 3-5 - aren't naturally as sociable as babies and younger toddlers now.

shakeitoffsis · 27/02/2023 16:05

At that age it's fine. As you've said age 3 you'll look into it which will help bring them on.

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