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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be sending my child to nursery?

54 replies

redheart23 · 27/02/2023 15:30

Hello,

We are lucky enough to be in a position whereby I only work around 6 days in the month, and my parents / in laws help out on those days where we need childcare.

Therefore, I have not and will not be putting my baby in nursery; as she's with me most of the time! A few of my friends have made comments about how 'it's good for babies' to be in a nursery and how she's going to 'miss out on social skills'.

I just don't see the point in spending so much money when we don't need to? I take her to classes in the week; and of course when she's around 3 I will look into a nursery. She's not even interested in other babies at this age (9 months).

My siblings and I did not go to nursery - and we've turned out okay!!

Would be interesting to see other people's opinions?

OP posts:
Original poster
redheart23 · 27/02/2023 16:05

Thank you for your replies. I wondered if she might be missing out socially, but it looks like that benefit does not kick in til around 2.

I guess feeling a bit sad my friends are making me feel bad for it!

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 27/02/2023 16:06

Twizbe · 27/02/2023 15:50

Babies don't need nursery. Parents need nursery. As long as you're not judging those parents who do need nursery - crack on.

I do think toddlers need some sort of preschool though. Both mine did 3-5 mornings a week from 2.5.

Great response. I think very few (if any) parents would honestly put babies in Nursery if they didn’t have to.

PennyRa · 27/02/2023 16:06

Nursery is just childcare, it's not necessary. It sometimes even harms children.

Preschool and school are completely unnecessary too

RunTowardsTheLight · 27/02/2023 16:07

It's fine OP. I was a SAHM when mine were little so they didn't go to nursery until we got the free 15 hours. We went to toddler groups and met friends with babies for socialisation.

Itisbetter · 27/02/2023 16:07

I sent mine about 3 for a couple of days a week. We were all happy.

Catspyjamas17 · 27/02/2023 16:10

It's good for them to go to a pre-school nursery when they are three, and to play with/alongside other children informally before then at playgroups and so on. But no, daycare nursery for babies isn't necessary unless you need the childcare. And I would personally pick a good childminder every time over a nursery.

User678945 · 27/02/2023 16:12

Mine went the term after he turned 3 because by then we could get 15 hours a week government funded (in england). I've never paid for childcare but the nursery was attached to our local primary school and really prepared my child for reception. So I think your plan is fine.

DuploMum · 27/02/2023 16:13

Just sent my first to Pre-School 3 afternoons a week when he turned 3. I'm a teacher.

Why on earth would you pay for it if you didn't need it! Definitely think 3/4 is important, before that, no.

SilentNightDancer · 27/02/2023 16:24

Socialisation is entirely unnecessary under age 3 - just look into any studies on the subject. I don't even really think nursery is necessary after the age of 3. Socialisation can be done through playgroups and just general playdates.

Under 3, attachment to parents and other adult figures is far more important.

I had to return to work when my child was younger than yours and did a lot of reading around the issue. In the end I was more comfortable using the services of a childminder than a nursery. I realise that's not an option for everyone.

Iateallthechocolate · 27/02/2023 16:24

Your friends are rude. How would they feel if you reversed it and told them their children were missing out by having to go to nursery?

You're taking their comments better than I would. Parent however suits you and your child just like they do.

2.5 to 5 benefit from socialising with other children. That can be nursery, the park, soft play, friends children, toddler groups, toddler swim classes etc.

deveronvalley · 27/02/2023 16:24

Mine just went to preschool 3 afternoons a week once he turned 3 years old. My work pattern was very flexible and I worked from home so did a lot at night. We didn’t really go to baby or toddler groups either. Son is now a very independent 10 year old. Never had any problems settling in at preschool or school or with making friends. He’s much more confident than me at social situations and will happily go to
activities where he doesn’t know any other kids. I am laughing a bit at the idea of 9 month olds needing help with their social skills!! You get the child you get and their personality, interests, strengths and weaknesses will become clear over time. For now there is plenty for your lovely baby to see and do as they figure out the world wherever they spend their time 😊

Saltywalruss · 27/02/2023 16:26

She won't miss out on social skills. Most people in the UK over the age of 15 ish didn't go. Most of humanity didn't go to nursery!

early30smum · 27/02/2023 16:27

Babies of 9 months ABSOLUTELY do not need to be in childcare ie a nursery unless they have to be for work purposes. Ignore your friends (but also don’t comment on their choices).

Barannca · 27/02/2023 16:27

Babies don't need to be in a nursery unless the parents need someone to look after them while they them are at work. Your baby won't be missing out on anything. Once she is three of course it is helpful though.
Ignore your friends and don't spend any money you don't have to.

DuplicateUserName · 27/02/2023 16:28

None of my DC went to baby classes or early nursery, just the nursery attached to the school in the school year they turned 4.

They're three very well rounded adults now.

mindutopia · 27/02/2023 16:29

As a baby, no, it won't make any difference. From about 2-3, yes, there are benefits to having opportunities to socialise with other children and form friendships (so not just random kids at soft play). So just do what works for you. Mine were both in nursery from 9 months, but because I had to work, no because I think it was 'good for them' (though I think it was perfectly fine for them).

Sugargliderwombat · 27/02/2023 16:30

Babies don't need it. But the reception year is assuming nearly all children will have been to nursery or preschool before starting. Children that haven't can really struggle.

SpecialK2023 · 27/02/2023 16:33

I think it benefits them most from 2 onwards. I agree there’s little point before then unless you need nursery for childcare (like me).

DashboardConfessional · 27/02/2023 16:44

Much as I hated mat leave, there's no way I'd have been paying £500 a month for 3 days a week childcare from age 1 to 3 if I didn't need to!

Growlybear83 · 27/02/2023 16:45

I agree with the OP and don't see the need for nursery under the circumstances. I only sent my daughter to nursery for two terms, on a very part time basis, just before she started school to get her used to a more structured routine away from me, and I think she benefited hugely from the years we spent together during her early years. We went to one or two different groups most weeks from when she was about 2, and I made use of all the museums, parks etc that were available. I had my daughter when I was a bit older because I wanted to be a full time mother until she started school, and waited until we could just about manage without my salary. Because of this, only a couple of my friends had young children, so my daughter had limited friends to mix with, but she was very happy and sociable when she started school, and was way ahead of the other children in her class in terms of reading, maths etc. She definitely didn't lack social skills because she'd spent 4.5 years talking to me non stop and having my undivided attention.

I feel strongly that if you're in the fortunate position of being able to stay at home, make the most of it and enjoy your time with your baby.

Silversalt · 27/02/2023 16:54

I feel strongly that if you're in the fortunate position of being able to stay at home, make the most of it and enjoy your time with your baby.

This ^^
A baby does not benefit from a nursery, their parent does. Your friends just wish they didn't have to use one.
Possibly after the age of 2 or 3 it's good to get some socialising but it need not be full time. Mine had two mornings a week at a playgroup which was fine.

Ringmaster27 · 27/02/2023 16:54

Before exH and I separated, and when the DCs were babies, I was in a fortunate position where I could stay home with them. I didn’t put my eldest or middle DCs into nursery until their 15 funded hours kicked in when they were 3, to get them used to being away from me in preparation for starting school.
My youngest started at 2, because I was back in work by that point.

NowAAT · 27/02/2023 16:54

What's a 9 month old gonna do at nursery that she can't do with you at home? Your friends are talking nonsense.
DS went to nursery at 2 because we had no choice.

Tubofroses · 27/02/2023 16:57

I guess feeling a bit sad my friends are making me feel bad for it!

I suspect they're feeling insecure about the fact they have to send theirs in and even if they don't realise it are taking it out on you. Absolutely nought to feel bad about, enjoy your time together.

Abreezeitheglade · 27/02/2023 17:08

Surely it depends on the individual child . My daughter is extremely social and even from around 4 months she enjoyed people watching. I had to go to playgroups as she would just cry from boredom at home. My best friends daughter is shy and a homebody and would hate that life.
Nothing wrong with either of them, just individuals with different needs!!