Jealous of perfect mums

[Fatty91]

Am I bad person for being jealous of mums who have no stretchmarks or mum tum after having kids honestly I have 3 dds and look bad stretchmarks and flabby belly.
I know some workout to have a flat stomach but I have friends who dont one being in her early 40s 4 kids not a single stretch mark and a flat stomach she wears crop tops in summer time while im hiding away 😥

Like an empathetic nature?

Ask a silly question, get a response pointing this out. And yes, with a seven week old, you shouldn't be thinking of such nonsense.

Ah don't be so hard on yourself op , when I had my children I gained a lot of weight and felt absolutely awful for weeks afterwards when I saw the mums who had babies and bounced back to flat tummy's whilst I was a giggly mess , but some women are naturally like that and many others aren't . Don't compare yourself to anyone else op it's not worth the negative emotion that comes with it

Having a flat tummy doesn't make you a perfect anything

i seen a group of mums last week looking fresher faced and slimmer than I do with very young babies i was wondering why I look so haggard in comparison.

Maybe they'd made an effort because they were meeting up with friends that day?

I make a distinct lack of effort the days I work from home, but an effort the days I go into the office. It depends what I'm doing and in what capacity. They might have looked good that day and not so good another and be feeling just like you.

Regardless, looks so not equate to being a good parent or human.

if the OP’s question bothers you so much and it’s so “silly” why do you keep replying? The only person who is weird is you. Stop kicking people when they’re down FFS yeah you might not think of this “nonsense” but the OP is so just give it a rest.

OP - it is hard when you’ve given birth but I bet you don’t look as bad as you think you do, everyone is different and what one person may think comes easy to another they’re probably thinking something completely different. Give yourself a break.

Seven weeks?! Girl, give yourself a break!! Your baby is so tiny still and you’ve two others, it’s hardly surprising you’re still firmly in the ‘wtf is happening, I have no time for anything’ stage!

I'd be more concerned with your attitude towards relationships than your appearance, if you think your DH having an affair because you're carrying some extra weight is the expected reaction.

No one is perfect . No one !

On days when I feel my lowest I often put the most effort into my appearance; a bit of a fake it until you make it type approach so when you look at those mums remember that you don’t know what might be going on in the inside and they might be looking at you thinking you’ve got the hang of it and why don’t they etc

No i wouldn't.

I have a reasonably flat tummy and no stretch marks - you might look at me and think I’ve ‘got away with it’. However I had a horrible traumatic first birth and have been left with a bad prolapse. Which you can’t see, but I’d rather have the stretch marks than the birth injuries 🤷‍♀️

Everyone is different. I lost so much weight breastfeeding, I looked gaunt and disgusting (and I was overweight before becoming pregnant - I was so bewildered by finally being thin and hating it!). I was also jealous of people who looked great in the early days. I hope your partner is supportive and can help you get enough sleep and some time to exercise, if that's what you want. Weather getting nicer will help too.

Your hormones won't be helping op! I have a five month old and I'm feeling insecure too but seriously, enjoy the newborn stage and worry about the baby weight later on !

The title of the thread made me think it was going to be about other mums ‘having their shit together’ rather than appearance and weight, because that’s the thing I was painfully aware (and envious) of when I had a newborn.

I envied the mums who got some sleep and who could leave the house before midday with their hair brushed. Who could manage a toddler’s behaviour while simultaneously feeding their baby. Whose baby didn’t screech all the time, or who knew how to stop their baby crying. Whose toddler would eat vegetables and sit nicely reading a book or colouring in.

I didn’t really notice people’s weight or hairstyles. Just that they all appeared to be naturally better than I was at being a mother.

Goes to show lots of us tend to focus on the things we think we’re getting ‘wrong’ and that we all have a different idea of what matters. Looking back, I can see that I was being a mum to the best of my ability, that I was good enough, (and that one of my babies was particularly challenging!)

You are just fine as you are. Spend as much or as little time as you want on your appearance; wherever genuinely makes you happy. And if you honestly think your husband would have an affair because you’re heavier than you used to be when you’ve just had a baby, then you either have very low self-esteem or a waste of space of a husband.

In time, you can think about diet and exercise if you want to lose weight, but some of the changes to your body may be permanent (like stretch marks for example- but these usually fade quite significantly and become barely visible) and as such, you either have to accept them or seek cosmetic treatments to ‘fix’ them.

As someone who is now in perimenopause which is bringing about more changes (wrinkles, saggy jowls, chin hair, droopy eyelids, saggy tits, saggy arse…) I implore you to seek acceptance for yourself exactly as you are. Youth and beauty are wonderful for those lucky enough to have and enjoy them, but they don’t last forever. Our bodies change throughout our lives as testament to the lives we’ve lived. Our bodies are amazing, stretch marks and all.

I cross between being a flat tum Mum and a slightly overweight mum on an annual cycle. Flat tum Mum is a lot of work for me, I’m jealous of those who seem to achieve and maintain that effortlessly.

To be clear, when I said ‘seek acceptance for yourself’, I meant FROM yourself- not from others!

It’s all down to genes most of the time, I tried everything going but my mum had stretch marks so I knew I would. Best friend not a thing you wouldn’t know she’s had 2 children and we are similar sizes used similar products ie bio oil etc. After my first it took 2 years to get back to a kind of normal but with faded stretchmarks and some saggy skin, now pregnant again so will probably be feeling similar to you 7 weeks post partum. I think time and being busy helps but your still early days with your third lovely baby so get it’s a big deal x

Thanks to those for the kindwords I'm feeling crap at the moment partner must be gagging for sex but I haven't given him Any in 2 weeks I'm to tired that why I think he'd have an affair.

I don't get this thread either... But since you asked, OP, YABU for being jealous of "perfect mums".

I miss my 3 stone lighter body I'm 16 stone worried ill never lose it. I'm not exactly dieting.

Looking good doesn't make you a perfect mum by any stretch of the imagination. Some people are lucky with genetics/metabolism. 7 weeks is still very soon after baby and going for 2 weeks without sex doesn't justify anyone having an affair, especially when you've got young kids. You've got to be kinder to yourself. Youe body has been through something huge. My youngest is coming up 4 and I'm nearly back to feeling and looking as slim as i used to be. Give it time and enjoy your wee baby.

Jesus OP are you ok? Worrying about sex 7 weeks pp is really just not something that should be on your mind. Has he been pressuring you?

I hope you have someone to talk to IRL for a good cuppa and a hug.

No he hasn't pressured me no but I'm wondering what hes thinking we never really had sex when I was pregnant I was to tired he used to say he'd pay a prostitute for sex if it doesn't improve so yeah I do worry hel get someone who's slim and prettier sometimes when I've put on weight makes me feel ugly as fk and that he's only with me because he can't get someone thats attractive.

Oh OP. The problem here is not your weight or your body. It’s that your partner is abusive.