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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say the use of the word rape wasn’t appropriate here?

41 replies

MGK · 26/02/2023 22:03

Hi all,

I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not so that’s why I’m asking obviously-

My local pet rescue posted about a cat being abandoned and not neutered and they went on to say “ the cat was raped by all the local Tom cats” which I thought was inappropriate. Cats don’t rape each other they have no concept of rape or consent, they mate purely for reproduction purposes (don’t get me wrong, cat sex is quite violent but it’s not rape).

So I asked them very politely if they could reword the post as it’s not factual and it could trigger someone especially as you’re not really expecting to come across on an animal rescue page.

I was called a snowflake and blocked.

Maybe it was petty but I just thought it was really strange wording to explain a cat getting pregnant and kind of minimised what rape really is but I’m thinking I might be being sensitive but it just seemed really weird to put it on a post about a cat.

Happy to be told I’m wrong by the way, just wanted others opinions.

OP posts:
MargaritMargo · 26/02/2023 22:08

ffs why are people such mentalists?!

I agree OP, completely unreasonable to use the word rape in relation to a cat. Talk about minimising the word (sorry to the cat!).

As if they called you a snowflake and blocked you, you have to laugh don’t you. Absolute nonsense.

I don’t think you’re wrong OP, I think the people are batshit crazy but what can you do? Well done for speaking up.

Libre2 · 26/02/2023 22:10

Of course you are right, that is a ridiculous thing to put on a bloody cat rescue site. I’m sorry they were so rude to you. I’m really cross on your behalf.

Fuckstix · 26/02/2023 22:14

I agree with you OP, it's inappropriate language. Cats and other animals aren't subject to human moral and legal boundaries. It also seems very odd and not factual- how do they know how many toms this cat had sex with? Feels like they've constructed quite a violent sexual hard luck story about a vulnerable animal and I'm not really sure why. Touch of the saviour complex maybe?

fairypeasant · 26/02/2023 22:14

It's actually really important you pointed this out. Rape isn't violent sex (what I suspect they're meant). Rape is sex without consent.

By saying what they have, using rape in that way, perpetuates rape myths.

It's pretty horrible, how rude they've been.

JMSA · 26/02/2023 22:14

I feel sorry for the cat. Life is shit for a stray, unspeyed female.
But, YANBU.

BertaHoon · 26/02/2023 22:17

Really?

We all know what reproduction is and how any Tom will find an uneutered female on heat and all have a rather undignified, upsetting experience for her.

Unfortunately the rescue group have shit themselves in the foot there (can you say that these days?).

Ridiculous to say raped. They should be putting the emphasis on spaying and pointing to Cat's Protection who will put a heavy cost towards the price of a female spaying.

😡

Original poster
MGK · 26/02/2023 22:19

JMSA · 26/02/2023 22:14

I feel sorry for the cat. Life is shit for a stray, unspeyed female.
But, YANBU.

Don’t get me wrong I love cats, have three myself and I’m aware of how awful life is for strays and I suspect they used the word “rape” to make it sound worse? So that people may neuter their animals but it just seems unnecessary and not factual. They could have said what it’s actually like that female cats are chased down, unwanted kittens born and get killed, Tom cats being run over because they travel for mates or fighting and being injured - all that is horrible and factual without using incorrect terminology.

But this one particular cat the post was about actually does have a forever home now so it was a happy ending for her.

OP posts:
BertaHoon · 26/02/2023 22:19

*shot themselves in the foot.

Nobody should shit themselves in the foot. Oh - the image now!

3kidswouldfinishanyoneoff · 26/02/2023 22:19

Well she likely didn't consent.....poor cat

MuggleMe · 26/02/2023 22:26

I mean, I wouldn't have used that term, but assuming the cat didn't consent, I guess it's kinda accurate and gets their point across. Just because it's an animal doesn't mean non-consentual sex doesn't exist...

Original poster
MGK · 26/02/2023 22:34

MuggleMe · 26/02/2023 22:26

I mean, I wouldn't have used that term, but assuming the cat didn't consent, I guess it's kinda accurate and gets their point across. Just because it's an animal doesn't mean non-consentual sex doesn't exist...

As far as I’m aware Toms will only mate with a female in heat and if she was in heat then she would have been quite open to the idea as they only mate to reproduce.

How many Toms do they know was involved? It could have been 1 or 100 - they have no idea.

Apart from cats not being able to consent or rape, it’s really not factual about what they’ve said.

OP posts:
DemiColon · 26/02/2023 22:35

Talking about "consent" with cats is insane.It's not a relevant category.

Many animals don't experience sex as pleasurable, nor do they decide to engage in it. They are compelled, by their own instincts or the other animals.

Are we going to talk about murderous female praying mantis next?

I find a lot of people in animal rescue tend to anthropomorphize in a way that is unscientific and also often not helpful to the animals involved.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 26/02/2023 22:43

MuggleMe · 26/02/2023 22:26

I mean, I wouldn't have used that term, but assuming the cat didn't consent, I guess it's kinda accurate and gets their point across. Just because it's an animal doesn't mean non-consentual sex doesn't exist...

It does exist in animals, otters and I think dolphins. But I don't think yabu.

TheFretfulPorpentine · 26/02/2023 22:47

MuggleMe · 26/02/2023 22:26

I mean, I wouldn't have used that term, but assuming the cat didn't consent, I guess it's kinda accurate and gets their point across. Just because it's an animal doesn't mean non-consentual sex doesn't exist...

How would the animal activists know whether the cat had consented or not? Unless they were watching-in which case, why did they not intervene?

Original poster
MGK · 26/02/2023 22:48

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 26/02/2023 22:43

It does exist in animals, otters and I think dolphins. But I don't think yabu.

Show quote history

I think it also exists in primates and apes? I’m not saying it doesn’t exist in the animal world but for this particular post it wasn’t factual which is why I mentioned it to them.

OP posts:
ozymandiusking · 26/02/2023 22:59

Well done you for speaking out. The word was used entirely out of context. Animals do not rape. And what a stupid organisation for blocking you.

LakeTiticaca · 26/02/2023 23:04

It was probably inappropriate but I it brings home the message to neuter your cats it might help stop the massive problems of unwanted kittens that suffer untold misery and overwhelm the cat rescues which are mostly volunteers

Original poster
MGK · 26/02/2023 23:08

LakeTiticaca · 26/02/2023 23:04

It was probably inappropriate but I it brings home the message to neuter your cats it might help stop the massive problems of unwanted kittens that suffer untold misery and overwhelm the cat rescues which are mostly volunteers

I see what you mean but I still don’t agree with it - it’s not factual and it’s blurs and minimises what rape really means.

They could have explained what happens to cats on the street without using rape, it’s horrible enough and would bring the message home although those who are abandoning and not neutering their animals probably don’t care what terminology they use.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 26/02/2023 23:12

YANBU, in this context.

(Mallard drakes otoh...)

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 26/02/2023 23:14

ozymandiusking · 26/02/2023 22:59

Well done you for speaking out. The word was used entirely out of context. Animals do not rape. And what a stupid organisation for blocking you.

This isn't true. They do, sometimes across species. However this still doesn't mean that the cat charity should have used it like that.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/02/2023 23:44

It's cracked (and obviously very inaccurate) and judging by the response the person responsible is a nutter. I would email the person in overall charge or the board if you CBA/there is such a person because it makes them sound like idiots which can't do the charity any good.

maximist · 27/02/2023 00:02

I saw that post too and thought the same as you, I was surprised that no one had commented on the wording. It's a shame, as I held them in high regard until now.

ConcordeOoter · 27/02/2023 00:09

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 26/02/2023 23:14

This isn't true. They do, sometimes across species. However this still doesn't mean that the cat charity should have used it like that.

Show quote history

No, animals like cats literally cannot rape.

For the same reason they are not evil when they rip another animal apart for food, and do not get arrested for murder. They lack the faculties to understand that consent, and right, and wrong, exist at all. Being innocent and without higher thought, they lack the capacity for evil .

ConcordeOoter · 27/02/2023 00:11

It is tantamount to deriding victims of rape to use the word in the given context, OP YANBU

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 27/02/2023 00:12

3kidswouldfinishanyoneoff · 26/02/2023 22:19

Well she likely didn't consent.....poor cat

Of course she didn't consent - she's a cat.