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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say the use of the word rape wasn’t appropriate here?

41 replies

MGK · 26/02/2023 22:03

Hi all,

I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not so that’s why I’m asking obviously-

My local pet rescue posted about a cat being abandoned and not neutered and they went on to say “ the cat was raped by all the local Tom cats” which I thought was inappropriate. Cats don’t rape each other they have no concept of rape or consent, they mate purely for reproduction purposes (don’t get me wrong, cat sex is quite violent but it’s not rape).

So I asked them very politely if they could reword the post as it’s not factual and it could trigger someone especially as you’re not really expecting to come across on an animal rescue page.

I was called a snowflake and blocked.

Maybe it was petty but I just thought it was really strange wording to explain a cat getting pregnant and kind of minimised what rape really is but I’m thinking I might be being sensitive but it just seemed really weird to put it on a post about a cat.

Happy to be told I’m wrong by the way, just wanted others opinions.

OP posts:
xprincessxjanetx · 27/02/2023 00:15

YANBU, I completely agree with you, OP.

StellaGibson2022 · 27/02/2023 00:19

🤯

I second the person who said to raise with the board. That is a disgusting comment to make and minimises the seriousness of rape. To call you a snowflake is just another example of how we are going backward as a society.

StellaGibson2022 · 27/02/2023 00:24

MuggleMe · 26/02/2023 22:26

I mean, I wouldn't have used that term, but assuming the cat didn't consent, I guess it's kinda accurate and gets their point across. Just because it's an animal doesn't mean non-consentual sex doesn't exist...

It’s a cat - they cannot consent

MGK · 27/02/2023 00:24

StellaGibson2022 · 27/02/2023 00:19

🤯

I second the person who said to raise with the board. That is a disgusting comment to make and minimises the seriousness of rape. To call you a snowflake is just another example of how we are going backward as a society.

I've made a mistake - I'm not good with technology but it wasn't the rescue, another poster called me that on the post and when I clicked on the profile it said content not found and I thought it was the rescue. Thats absolutely on me. I just wanted to correct my post, I'm going to privately message them in the morning and ask they reword it and hopefully they'll be kinder than that person on the post.

OP posts:
StellaGibson2022 · 27/02/2023 00:38

That poster should be removed from the group and reported.

I feel for you OP - I think I would be distressed by that.

LifeIsReallyGood · 27/02/2023 03:58

MuggleMe · 26/02/2023 22:26

I mean, I wouldn't have used that term, but assuming the cat didn't consent, I guess it's kinda accurate and gets their point across. Just because it's an animal doesn't mean non-consentual sex doesn't exist...

Literally STOP.
Besides the fact that it's an immature response,to even compare it to the actual thing is disgusting.

Ponderingwindow · 27/02/2023 04:12

I’m not denying that the choice of word is problematic. It is hard to know if the cat consented or not and making assumptions without evidence is unwise.

I do have to say that if you have ever had the misfortune to stumble upon a female cat who did not consent to mating, the sound and site is horrifying. I don’t know the appropriate word to use, but I don’t think it is fair to dismiss the potential anguish of an animal, just because it is an animal.

Fuckstix · 27/02/2023 06:01

Cats don't consent or commit non consensual sex in the same way humans do. How does a cat consent in s way that a human would understand?

Look at the physiology and behaviour compared to humans. Feline sex is painful and noisy due to the spined penis which helps bring about ovulation and also stops the female from running off. Humans have evolved to lose these spines because the species is (in theory) monogamous now therefore we don't see sex as painful or competitive. To infer rape on cats (and other animals) just following their natural behaviours is very anthropocentric and ill informed.

Ilovehamandtoast · 27/02/2023 06:10

YABU to put such a triggering word in a post title.

Fuckstix · 27/02/2023 06:35

Ilovehamandtoast · 27/02/2023 06:10

YABU to put such a triggering word in a post title.

This is kind of the point of the post

Talfairh77 · 04/03/2024 11:13

Not true. My male cat targeted my female from 3 months old. 3 months. Before she even had her first period. He would bully her, pin her down and try to mate with her before her first fucking period. Tom cats are selfish creatures who only care about their own nut.

Talfairh77 · 04/03/2024 11:16

Wait till you find our humans are a species of mammals...

Talfairh77 · 04/03/2024 11:17

Is it ? Uou cat workshipers love to say "make sure u get consent from the cat before petting or picking it up" but they don't have to have consent , yeah no you gmfu

StupidPeopleEverywhere · 09/03/2025 23:35

You absolutely are a snowflake, The cat doesn't even need to be Feral or Stray to rape another cat. Nasty feral cats often do not care if the cat is neutered or not and will attempt to mate with the innocent cat desperately trying to avoid this. Some of you live in Disney land on here.

How this dumb post hasn't been taken down amazes me.

ImJustHerre · 16/09/2025 05:18

StupidPeopleEverywhere · 09/03/2025 23:35

You absolutely are a snowflake, The cat doesn't even need to be Feral or Stray to rape another cat. Nasty feral cats often do not care if the cat is neutered or not and will attempt to mate with the innocent cat desperately trying to avoid this. Some of you live in Disney land on here.

How this dumb post hasn't been taken down amazes me.

It amazes me with the poll, YABU you snowflake

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/09/2025 05:41

I really dislike rescues over dramatising stuff..

That said some species, other than humans, do indeed rape - if by that we mean forcibly have penetrative sex with someone trying to get away/avoid it.

Various apes and monkeys
Dolphins

Other species that I think you can include under that definition:

Horses (I have seen videos of stallions forcing themselves on young, immature mares, and mares who have dropped their foal only hours earlier. Chasing them to the point of exhaustion and groups of young stallions harrassing a mare, killing her foal to get to her (despite this offering no reproductive advantage, it doesn't speed up her producing his foal in any way, she'll come into season within a week or so of foaling anyway!). I've seen footage of mares killing stallions in the attempt to get away from them..

Cats - mm, hormones may make the female cat willing at least initially, however they're a species that experienceds induced ovulation, and that is induced by the male cats barbed penis, locking in and then being ripped out when he eventually withdraws.
The tomcat also grips the female by the back of the neck, which can often result in injuries, particularly if this is not the first mating and she's less enthusiastic about it.

Ducks - I'd argue the case there too, male ducks will harrass and chase a female, pile on her and not infrequently, drown her in the process. Again she is trying to get away, because intercourse is not particularly pleasant - the male has a corkscrew penis (some species also have barbs) that is very long... and her vaginal canal is also corkscrew shaped... but the other way to the males penis. The evolution of this convoluted vaginal canal is thought to be a way the female duck can retain some selectivity over her mate, given the forced nature of mating - she can clamp down and reduce the chances of the unwanted males sperm reaching her ovary (and dump it out in the water) or relax and let him deposit it nearer the ovaries.

The primates - in some cases the intent is the same as in humans, to control, to dominate, getting a kick out of it, unrelated to reproduction.

In dolphins the same applies, particularly when its groups of young males raping a lone young dolphin (male or female, they don't really care).

For horses, ducks and cats, it doesn't, whilst the female may well not want to, the male only wants to because his hormones drive him to do this, in order to reproduce. There is no hidden agenda there as far as we can possibly tell.

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