Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to be able to eat my lunch with comments?

43 replies

justwanttoeatinpeace · 26/02/2023 16:29

I am struggling with comments from my line manager who keeps making comments about what I eat saying I don't eat properly, or I eat barely anything, that I am so over conscious about what I eat. I don't respond a lot of the time but this does not stop her. I don't particularly want to talk about food and what I eat.

I have to eat lunch at my desk as there is refurbishment work taking place and so parts of the building have no access. When the weather is good, I will eat outside on a bench which helps but it is just far too cold at the moment. I also take a short lunch so I can leave early to pick up DC.

What makes it is worse is that she is HR also so I can't report her.

OP posts:
soleilblue · 26/02/2023 16:33

Have you tried just asking her not to comment?

Hoppinggreen · 26/02/2023 16:33

When someone annoys me but I can’t actually say F off I respond only to direct questions and only then vaguely
So “you don’t eat much” - no response
”why dont you eat much?” - shrug
“I don’t think you eat enough “ - no response or “oh yes?”

TomatoSandwiches · 26/02/2023 16:35

Ask her for some help, to put the HR hat on for a " theoretical " conundrum your " friend " has and tell her about herself op.

If she has any brains it will click.

Cyberworrier · 26/02/2023 16:36

Headphones on, whether or not you are listening to music/an audiobook, it’s a signal that you’re off duty and not wanting to chat. I have been in a similar situation before, I think they stopped when I lightly said, gosh you keep commenting on what I eat, you’ll give me a complex, or something. It had annoyed me and it felt very judgy so I feel your pain!

EmmaDilemma5 · 26/02/2023 16:36

Do you think she's worried about you? What do you think her intentions are?

Dodecaheidyin · 26/02/2023 16:37

"Does what I eat for lunch affect my work in any way?"

Dartmoorcheffy · 26/02/2023 16:40

What are you eating that causes her concern? are you nibbling on one carrot stick and a bit of celery?

Rainbowshine · 26/02/2023 16:43

“I’m following a diet my doctor has recommended, so I would prefer that you don’t comment on what I’m eating when you’re not qualified to do so, thank you.”

Original poster
justwanttoeatinpeace · 26/02/2023 16:43

I meant without comments obviously!

OP posts:
Original poster
justwanttoeatinpeace · 26/02/2023 16:44

Dartmoorcheffy · 26/02/2023 16:40

What are you eating that causes her concern? are you nibbling on one carrot stick and a bit of celery?

Usually salad, hummus, falafel that kind of thing. The salad is big.

OP posts:
Original poster
justwanttoeatinpeace · 26/02/2023 16:45

Cyberworrier · 26/02/2023 16:36

Headphones on, whether or not you are listening to music/an audiobook, it’s a signal that you’re off duty and not wanting to chat. I have been in a similar situation before, I think they stopped when I lightly said, gosh you keep commenting on what I eat, you’ll give me a complex, or something. It had annoyed me and it felt very judgy so I feel your pain!

I like the headphones idea, thank you.

OP posts:
Bagzzz · 26/02/2023 16:58

im ashamed to say i was guilty of being like the manager. I have ASD and was very clumsily trying to make conversation. It was embarrassing to be told by the person concerned she didn’t like it. I didn’t realise how inappropriate it was. I apologised and never mentioned food again.

“Please stop commenting on my lunch and health”. If that doesn’t work go
to a senior manager.

Treetopviews · 26/02/2023 17:01

I also am concerned she’s worried about you or your weight, doesn’t make it ok to comment though.

ps you can’t be proclaiming you’ve had a massive salad on here 😁

GlassBunion · 26/02/2023 17:06

It's not you OP , I'm sure , but I've had a massive deja-vu reading your thread.

Honestly, just ignore her.
Think to yourself, 'she's just being prickish.'
Don't respond to her , at all.
Ignore stupidity. Always.

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2023 17:08

People like this need a direct challenge.

’do you seriously not have anything else to worry about other than my lunch?’

’You seem obsessed with me and my lunch - do you need some suggestions for a new hobby?’

Or when she starts take out a notebook and say ‘oh bollocks - I had you down as “not rabbit food” today rather than “you must be hungry” - at least you’re only annoying and not predictable as well’

But as I’ve said on other threads I am a total cunt and no one would say that to me because they know they wouldn’t get away with it.

MoirasSaggyBundles · 26/02/2023 17:09

"If you paid me more, I'd eat more."

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2023 17:09

She can be worried but it’s not her business. If you are performing well and not off sick or unable to work it’s literally zero to do with her.

MyOldFriendTime · 26/02/2023 17:11

Have you posted about this before?

unclebuck · 26/02/2023 17:11

'I was brought up to believe it was very rude to comment on other peoples food, please can you stop?'

Original poster
justwanttoeatinpeace · 26/02/2023 17:12

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2023 17:08

People like this need a direct challenge.

’do you seriously not have anything else to worry about other than my lunch?’

’You seem obsessed with me and my lunch - do you need some suggestions for a new hobby?’

Or when she starts take out a notebook and say ‘oh bollocks - I had you down as “not rabbit food” today rather than “you must be hungry” - at least you’re only annoying and not predictable as well’

But as I’ve said on other threads I am a total cunt and no one would say that to me because they know they wouldn’t get away with it.

I wish I could be more direct and I would be with others. But I have to work with her closely. Love your suggestions though!

OP posts:
Lkydfju · 26/02/2023 17:13

I used to have this when I was younger and far less assertive and confident than I am now; it made me paranoid to eat around the people who made the comments.
Now I’d definitely say something; maybe starting with a fairly direct comment of “you’re always so interested in my food, Is there any particular reason?

Suzi888 · 26/02/2023 17:14

I’ve read this before. Just ignore, don’t you have a break out area? Canteen you can eat in?

LetThemEatTurnips · 26/02/2023 17:15

I would simply say 'I feel very uncomfortable when you comment on my food'. If that didn't work, I would complain to her manager.

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2023 17:16

@justwanttoeatinpeace

Try it once. You’ll be surprised how much better you feel.

Even if it’s just ‘please don’t comment on my food - it makes me very uncomfortable’

which is non confrontational but direct.

Original poster
justwanttoeatinpeace · 26/02/2023 17:18

Suzi888 · 26/02/2023 17:14

I’ve read this before. Just ignore, don’t you have a break out area? Canteen you can eat in?

I have to eat lunch at my desk as there is refurbishment work taking place and so parts of the building have no access. When the weather is good, I will eat outside on a bench which helps but it is just far too cold at the moment.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread