Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Childcare for abroad weddings

49 replies

timeforachang3 · 26/02/2023 08:51

not necessarily an aibu but would like a wide range of opinions of what you would/have done in this scenario.

So we’ve been invited to two child free weddings on weekdays this year (one is uk based so marginally easier to figure out).

the one I’d like some help with is in Europe (we’re in uk). Not somewhere like France or Spain where I’d probably feel ok using hotel babysitter services…

my parents are busy that weekend so can’t help. Baby will be 11 months.

I feel bad asking other family/friends when they’ll likely be working etc as they’d have to take a day off and then also if he doesn’t sleep well I feel like a working person doesn’t need that agg! He’s generally a good sleeper but can never account for them being ill/teething etc

What would you do? Use a hotel babysitting service? Just send one of half of the couple?

so as not to drip feed, they are my partners friends and he has several weekends away booked in this year whereas I have none and any child free events seem to be arranged by mates on his side so I feel like I’m always the one missing out. We’re normally very equal on letting each other have nights off/out etc so this sudden imbalance is starting to grate on me so would like to find a solution to this that isn’t me missing out again!

OP posts:

Hoardasurass · 26/02/2023 08:56

Since its his friend's he go's you stay or you both stay

JenniferBarkley · 26/02/2023 08:57

Child free wedding abroad with an 11 month old? No way we'd be going. Maybe DH if it was close family or a best friend but not if he'd been away for a load of other weekends off.

Definitely wouldn't be trusting a babysitter I didn't know.

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2023 09:00

I wouldn’t go.

Why go to all that expense and hassle for the wedding of a person who isn’t a good friend.

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 26/02/2023 09:01

I don't think either of us would be bothering with the abroad one.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/02/2023 09:02

I wouldn’t go, the logistics are too complicated and they don’t sound very close friends anyway. We’re having our childfree wedding abroad this year - fully expected that the one set of friends we have who are parents may have declined the invitation and told them in advance we understood if they did.

Itsnotfun · 26/02/2023 09:02

We are going to stay in hotel where wedding is, keep baby with us until dancing starts (hopefully sleep in pram) then tag team so one stay in room for 2 hours of band/DH , then swap. we won’t be able to drink much but I think it’ll be fine. It’s my family wedding so I’ll be there for last dance etc.

R0ckets · 26/02/2023 09:06

Decline the invitation.

Why put yourself through the stress and expense when you can just decline. They obviously don't care if you go or not given they have out so many obstacles in the way. Just say no and have a nice family day trip out instead.

drpet49 · 26/02/2023 09:07

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2023 09:00

I wouldn’t go.

Why go to all that expense and hassle for the wedding of a person who isn’t a good friend.

This. And I wouldn’t trust a babysitter I didn’t know so using hotel babysitter would be a no
no.

GeekyThings · 26/02/2023 09:08

I would decline the invitation, too much expense and hassle. Them I would book in an equal number of weekends away as my partner to level things out a little.

It's up to him whether he goes or not, but book in your weekends away before he decides, otherwise he'll eat up all the spending money you both have and you won't be able to book anything yourself, which is unfair.

Aprilx · 26/02/2023 09:08

I would give it a miss too.

KrisAkabusi · 26/02/2023 09:09

What do you mean by "not like France or Spain"? What European countries do you think don't look after children?

EthicalNonMahogany · 26/02/2023 09:10

I suspect because her DH wants to go and he won't decline, leaving her at home for a whole weekend.

OP you need to say to him either he doesn't go, or he gives you a whole weekend the following weekend to do what you want , which will mean him e.g.bringing the 11m baby to the spa at lunchtime for a feed, then fucking off again! Or whatever baby needs.

The logistics need to bite him on the arse, not you, if it's his friend's event.

Babyleafy · 26/02/2023 09:11

I wouldn't go either. DP can if he wants and you have your time doing something else.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 26/02/2023 09:14

Child free wedding with an 11 month old? You don’t go!

Original poster

timeforachang3 · 26/02/2023 09:14

I just mean countries I have been to frequently… are known for family holidays, have crèches that sort of thing! It’s not that sort of country at all, more somewhere you go for a fun stag do maybe! My partner speaks Spanish and I speak French so we could communicate easier too… but we can’t speak this language so feel that could be a barrier!

we went to a wedding in UK and used a hotel babysitter she was lovely and I totally trusted her. Childminder mon-fri and then babysat at the hotel every weekend. Did a trial on the Friday night then he lit up when he saw her on the Saturday so knew we were leaving him in good hands, I just don’t know how easy this would be to do abroad with a potential language barrier.

I doubt my partner would want to not go to this wedding, was debating asking him to give up one of his other weekends away if he feels that way as I’m currently struggling to fit a weekend away myself. Tried to arrange one with the girls recently and every weekend that was suggested he was already away but don’t want to be that partner haha

OP posts:

fuzzbearpenguin · 26/02/2023 09:14

I'd send DH on his own, it's his friend. Then I'd arrange a night /weekend with my friends another weekend and leave DC with DH.

Btjdkfnn · 26/02/2023 09:16

I wouldn’t leave a baby to go abroad for a wedding. We were invited far away when ds was 9mo. Said no thanks.

fuzzbearpenguin · 26/02/2023 09:18

"Tried to arrange one with the girls recently and every weekend that was suggested he was already away but don’t want to be that partner haha"

Then you list the weekends that you're available and at least one friend will be available to do something with you. You can't be annoyed about the stuff he already has booked. It's swings and roundabouts. We go through phases where it feels like it's DH always off out doing fun stuff, but then there'll be a phase where it's me doing more. It doesn't need to be taking it in turns, so long as it balances out (ish) overall.

Btjdkfnn · 26/02/2023 09:19

Why so many weekends away for him? Doesn’t he realise he has a family and responsibilities?

R0ckets · 26/02/2023 09:20

Then he's not a great partner is he. Having a baby means sometimes you can't do what you want to do. The fact he's got so many weekends away booked that you can't even book a night out for a few hours is not sounding great. Presumably he works in the week and with all these weekends away is he actually spending any time being a parent? He doesn't sound like he's realised his life has now changed.

AnneElliott · 26/02/2023 09:20

No I wouldn't go to an abroad holiday that was child free. Too much faff and expense.

Eatentoomanyroses · 26/02/2023 09:20

Christ no. I wouldn’t leave my baby to go abroad. What if it became unwell and you’re hours away? Your social life takes a back seat when you have kids. I wouldn’t use a foreign hotel sitter either.

Starlitestarbright · 26/02/2023 09:24

It sounds like both you haven't adapted to being parents. We never had this nonsense of booking several weekends away with mates it was rare not when we had a little baby to care for. Weekends were and are family time. I wouldn't go to the family wedding abroad to spend half my time in a hotel room swapping with my partner

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 26/02/2023 09:26

I wouldn't tolerate that.

Original poster

timeforachang3 · 26/02/2023 09:26

He is a great dad to be fair. He currently runs his own business which pretty much runs itself so he has lots of time looking after baby, especially recently as I had been unwell and bed bound. He is about to acquire another business so he’ll have considerably less time on his hands but he’s definitely not an absent father.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2