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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Picking up puppy

39 replies

MrsMechanic · 26/02/2023 08:46

Hey, first post so here goes...

We've got a new puppy. Picked him up yesterday. Everything was organised, kids away to family as it was a four hour drive, arranged collection with breeder. Ex (kids dad) coming with me so I wasn't on my own. We still had a good relationship. Needed to work some things out separately before we try a relationship again.

So come time to leave (9am). Ex doesn't show up, i message him asking whats happening, is he on his way or not going to come with me. An hour later Ex still hasn't shown up. So I phone my best mate (who's a male, my ex doesn't like), explain the situation and ask what he thinks I should do. Try organise a day next weekend to collect, disappointing the kids who are already hyped up and excited. Or go on my own. He replies saying he'll take me down. Great, still felt let down by the Ex but least the kids won't be disappointed and I wouldn't be messing the breeder about.

An hour into the journey, the Ex starts phoning and texting how if I'm with my best mate he's done with us. How he'd of taken me and he wanted to collect the puppy with me.

Not sure if I was being unreasonable arranging another way to get the puppy or if I should if waited on Ex deciding what he was doing.

I feel guilty for going. But Ex has history of not showing up, depressive episodes making him struggle to be around us and even forgets we exist. Can go days/ weeks without contact.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Catnuzzle · 26/02/2023 08:48

Yanbu

Cosyblankets · 26/02/2023 08:49

The world does not revolve around him

Shoxfordian · 26/02/2023 08:49

Yanbu; sounds like he is your ex for a reason- don’t take him back

LakieLady · 26/02/2023 08:50

Yanbu.

I hope your puppy brings you loads of joy when you finally get him/her.

cunderthunt1 · 26/02/2023 08:50

No I don't think Yabu. I would've done the same, your ex should've showed up on time.

Puppy pic please? :)

silverclock222 · 26/02/2023 08:52

Why would you even consider trying again with a controlling twat like that? He is a manipulative, mean man, very much prepared to throw his kids and you under the bus! A side note you need to think more of yourself - unless you needed transport why would you need someone else to tell you whether to go or not. Think long and hard OP, what your kids see is normally what they grow up to be, do you want them to live like this? You've made the first step by voicing here so well done.

wetotter · 26/02/2023 08:53

Just text back that you waited over an hour for him, and that as there was no response to messages, you made different arrangements.

Tell him that you'll text when you're back with the puppy.

And then ignore further messages until you are back and are ready to deal with him.

Enjoy the new puppy!

Aprilx · 26/02/2023 08:53

Why did you need a man to come with you anyway? I’d have just gone on my own.

Monstertrucks · 26/02/2023 08:54

He let you down. He didn't show up. This is on him. You are not a mind-reader. You agreed 9.00 - you waited. It's a 4 hour journey - you needed to go.

wetotter · 26/02/2023 08:55

Aprilx · 26/02/2023 08:53

Why did you need a man to come with you anyway? I’d have just gone on my own.

It doesn't have to be a man, but 4 hours (each way?) is a lot of driving and having someone to share it with is good.

Especially as the puppy might need attention and reassurance en route.

feelinglikeanewparent · 26/02/2023 08:58

I feel guilty for going.

Don't be soft. If he was that bothered he would've shown up. You've done the right thing to not let your kids down.

And don't get back with him.

Changingplace · 26/02/2023 09:02

Yanbu, your ex was over an hour late and uncontactable.

Distance yourself more from your ex, stop depending on him for stuff like this when he’s so flakey.

SlipSlidinAway · 26/02/2023 09:02

Why did you need a man to come with you anyway? I’d have just gone on my own.

Don't be silly. Of course op needed another adult on a 4 hour car journey with a puppy. Just so happens her best friend is male.

Changingplace · 26/02/2023 09:04

Aprilx · 26/02/2023 08:53

Why did you need a man to come with you anyway? I’d have just gone on my own.

To be fair a four hour journey with a brand new puppy is a lot, having two people makes sense.

Choconut · 26/02/2023 09:04

I don't think these are issues that could be resolved. It's a good thing that he is continuing to show his true colours. Don't get back with him. It's good that he's done with you because after that flaky behaviour and childish temper tantrum over your mate you should be done with him.

Changingplace · 26/02/2023 09:06

And do not feel guilty for going, he should feel guilty for letting you down, and sounds like definitely not the first time he’s been unreliable, just don’t involve him with stuff he doesn’t need to be part of going forwards, it’s not worth it.

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 26/02/2023 09:12

Is he your ex or isn't he? If he is, why are you relying on him to do things with you?

Knitterofcrap · 26/02/2023 09:17

I find it impossible to comment without seeing a photo of the puppy 😀

He sounds like a total waste of space. Why on earth would you want to get back with him?

Original poster
MrsMechanic · 26/02/2023 09:36

Thank's for all the replies and reassurance. Believing in my own decisions is something I'm working on. Just wanted some outside views on the situation. He's my ex. And he's showing more and more of who he actually is. Which has been hard to accept as he was a different person for the many years before we had kids.

And for the people asking for pics, here he is Smile.

Picking up puppy
OP posts:
Knitterofcrap · 26/02/2023 09:39

So incredibly jealous!

Beautiful puppy. Congratulations!

Anniegetyourgun · 26/02/2023 09:43

That is a gorgeous puppy.

Anyone else suspecting the ex was deliberately late and uncontactable as some sort of test or power play? Anyway, now he knows his ex-wife is not hanging around waiting for him to bother to turn up, as she's got helpful friends. He doesn't like that. Tough.

DonutsAreNotLunch · 26/02/2023 10:50

This is exactly the sort of thing my ex would do, and then tell me I’m controlling for expecting him to turn up at the organised time! You did the right thing. You couldn’t have collected the puppy alone, he didn’t turn up so you organised someone else to come with you instead. The gender of the person is completely irrelevant!

cunderthunt1 · 26/02/2023 10:56

Naww lovely

Whiskeypowers · 26/02/2023 11:02

Your puppy is absolutely gorgeous.

Your ex should stay just that: an ex.

hennaoj · 26/02/2023 11:06

Tell your silly ex that puppies are best collected early in the day as possible so they can settle into their new home before nighttime. You did the right thing, that lovely puppy deserves to come before your stupid ex.