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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Picking up puppy

39 replies

MrsMechanic · 26/02/2023 08:46

Hey, first post so here goes...

We've got a new puppy. Picked him up yesterday. Everything was organised, kids away to family as it was a four hour drive, arranged collection with breeder. Ex (kids dad) coming with me so I wasn't on my own. We still had a good relationship. Needed to work some things out separately before we try a relationship again.

So come time to leave (9am). Ex doesn't show up, i message him asking whats happening, is he on his way or not going to come with me. An hour later Ex still hasn't shown up. So I phone my best mate (who's a male, my ex doesn't like), explain the situation and ask what he thinks I should do. Try organise a day next weekend to collect, disappointing the kids who are already hyped up and excited. Or go on my own. He replies saying he'll take me down. Great, still felt let down by the Ex but least the kids won't be disappointed and I wouldn't be messing the breeder about.

An hour into the journey, the Ex starts phoning and texting how if I'm with my best mate he's done with us. How he'd of taken me and he wanted to collect the puppy with me.

Not sure if I was being unreasonable arranging another way to get the puppy or if I should if waited on Ex deciding what he was doing.

I feel guilty for going. But Ex has history of not showing up, depressive episodes making him struggle to be around us and even forgets we exist. Can go days/ weeks without contact.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Justkeepingplatesspinning · 26/02/2023 11:18

You did the right thing in not letting your ex derail the plans to go collect your pup. He's gorgeous, beautiful colour! Enjoy him and keep the ex as exactly that :-)

Ihatethenewlook · 26/02/2023 11:25

Anniegetyourgun · 26/02/2023 09:43

That is a gorgeous puppy.

Anyone else suspecting the ex was deliberately late and uncontactable as some sort of test or power play? Anyway, now he knows his ex-wife is not hanging around waiting for him to bother to turn up, as she's got helpful friends. He doesn't like that. Tough.

Oh this was 100% done on purpose. There’s nothing much more exciting than picking up a new puppy. The op and kids were probably bouncing off the walls. What a perfect opportunity for an utter arsehole to turn something so lovely into something so stressful and disappointing, never mind embarrassing for letting down the breeder. He was totally out to ruin this experience. I wonder if he was expecting the op to be able to find someone else to go with. He was probably loving the thought of the op at home in a panic not knowing what to do. I wonder what his intentions were, to be really late but take her in the end, or not even turn up at all?

Poppyblush · 26/02/2023 11:28

Do not even think about getting back with your ex as he sounds like a right selfish prick to you and kids.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 26/02/2023 11:35

Sounds to me like it was a 'test'
He wanted to see what you'd do and if you'd involve your male best friend who your ex obviously has a problem with
You have failed the test you didn't know you were sitting.
Don't get back with him. He's no good for you or the kids.

TeenLifeMum · 26/02/2023 11:52

Aw so gorgeous!

You get to make your own decisions and not revolve around him. I’d respond with, “I thought you were coming to collect with me but as you didn’t turn up I made alternative arrangements. My life doesn’t revolve around you and my priority will always be the children, who I didn’t want to let down by not collecting the pup. It’s all worked out and pup is settling well so all h good.”

Testina · 26/02/2023 11:59

“So I phone my best mate (who's a male, my ex doesn't like), explain the situation and ask what he thinks I should do.”

Phoning a friend to complain about ex, fine.
Phoning a friend to ask them to come too, fine.
Phoning to ask what to do though - really?

Your ex is a cock though, ignore his tantrum.

Anotheanon · 26/02/2023 12:01

Keep the puppy, lose the ex, start to trust your own judgment.

Puppy is beautiful 😍

Bunnyishotandcross · 26/02/2023 12:03

Ex isn't your mate op.
Today is the start of keeping him at arm's length imo.
The dpuppy is the start of new exciting things to come. And ex isn't included.

openingbat · 26/02/2023 12:08

Aprilx · 26/02/2023 08:53

Why did you need a man to come with you anyway? I’d have just gone on my own.

Anyone who does a 4 hour trip home on their own with a tiny puppy is an idiot. You'll likely need someone to sit next to the puppy crate to keep it calm.

Mariposista · 26/02/2023 12:33

MrsMechanic · 26/02/2023 09:36

Thank's for all the replies and reassurance. Believing in my own decisions is something I'm working on. Just wanted some outside views on the situation. He's my ex. And he's showing more and more of who he actually is. Which has been hard to accept as he was a different person for the many years before we had kids.

And for the people asking for pics, here he is Smile.

AWWWWWWWW is that a foxed labrador????? Absolutely gorgeous.
Forget the ex. You have a wonderful little baby to care for right here.

Cherrysoup · 26/02/2023 13:47

You did the right thing taking a friend rather than wait for your ex. I would not want to piss off somebody who was expecting me to turn up. You definitely needed someone to sit with the puppy.

viques · 26/02/2023 13:49

MrsMechanic · 26/02/2023 09:36

Thank's for all the replies and reassurance. Believing in my own decisions is something I'm working on. Just wanted some outside views on the situation. He's my ex. And he's showing more and more of who he actually is. Which has been hard to accept as he was a different person for the many years before we had kids.

And for the people asking for pics, here he is Smile.

Aw! Butter wouldn’t melt………

Ihatethenewlook · 26/02/2023 15:17

Testina · 26/02/2023 11:59

“So I phone my best mate (who's a male, my ex doesn't like), explain the situation and ask what he thinks I should do.”

Phoning a friend to complain about ex, fine.
Phoning a friend to ask them to come too, fine.
Phoning to ask what to do though - really?

Your ex is a cock though, ignore his tantrum.

What’s wrong with that? The op was up shit creek and wanted to talk to her friend about it. And it worked didn’t it because he literally saved the day for her.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/02/2023 15:28

Sensible, not on to let down the breeder who has scheduled puppy collections, purely because twatty ex has decided to vanish and be uncontactable!

I don't buy any excuses about why he was uncontactable and didn't show up either, he HAS to know that collecting the puppy is a Big Deal for kids and adults alike, so it does very much feel like this is a control thing, trying to fuck with everyones emotions.

It's backfired on him hasn't it - enjoy your puppy, and don't let him anywhere near!

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