Pre-teen looking after toddler?

[Spanisheomellletttes]

We live in a European country. My DD just told me that her 9 year-old school friend looks after her 1 year-old sibling for hours at a time. School finishes at 12 and then someone is home early evening. DD thinks around 6. I am unsure if it is everyday. Both parents are immigrants (Chinese and Vietnamese background) and I wondered if this was something more acceptable in these countries. Regardless, I am going to have to do something.

that is too young

YANBU; as well as potential issues now it can have an impact as an adult. I was told that its not uncommon for the child who is forced to take responsibility too young to have anxiety and other issues as an adult.
psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/12/trauma-growing-up-fast#2

Is it a normal thing in some countries?

Far too young.

This is an unpopular opinion but siblings shouldn't be made to babysit younger siblings. If they want to and are happy to then that's different. Even then, they should be 13+.

• children shouldn't be made to babysit younger siblings, I meant

That is awful. Poor friend. Do you know who has the baby until she gets back from school?
12 - early evening looking after a sibling isn’t any sort of childhood for her, and it definitely isn’t safe.

Is it a normal thing in some countries?

Most European countries have some kind of child protection laws concerning age and the length of time a child can be left.
Look up the laws for that country, there may not be a minimum age that children can legally babysit, but there will probably be one that says the parents are responsible if anything goes wrong. That doesn't change the fact the child will feel responsible if there's an incident.

Too young. My second and third have the same age gap, the first is 2y older than the second. I would not have let either of them look after their 1yo sibling for any length of time. They started taking care of her for 20 min or so at a time when she was perhaps 3 or 4 (so they were 13-14 and 11-12).

I'm in a European country too and while this would not create quite the same level of concern here as it would in the UK, it wouldn't be regarded as normal or acceptable by any means and I think a teacher (say) who found out about it would tackle it with the parents. Not sure what the equivalent of social services would think.

(As an aside, I don't think 9 is really preteen? I'd apply that term to 11 and 12yos)

My niece is 9, my son is 1. Not a chance in hell I'd trust her to look after him alone. My nephew is 13 and I wouldn't trust him either, but he hasn't spent alot if time around kids so I don't know if it would be different if he did.

I actually don't think a 9yo should be home alone, never mind with a toddler.

That's not right, I think you'd have to report it. It's the fact that the younger child is so much younger.

I live in Germany and the attitudes towards children's independence are very different to the UK judging by MN - but we have only left DS1 in charge of DS2 for very brief periods, from about DS1 being 12 / DS2 being 2 - he would take him to the park (nearby but not in view of our house) for half an hour for example.

Being left in sole charge for hours is not right. Even now at 14 I wouldn't expect DS1 to do things like nappies, provide food, take DS2 to toilet etc.

I think for example 7 + 9 year old together might be considered fine for a couple of hours after school (which I know is much younger than this would be seen as OK in the UK.)

It is a normal thing in ALL countries where parents have to work and have no affordable childcare options.

It is extra hard for recent immigrants as they are often without informal childcare support of any type and may be in lower paid work or working unsocial hours.

You can report, and maybe you will have to, but please do so knowing that you are likely to make the family's lives harder as a consequence because there is no support.

I’ve read a lot of articles about the poor treatment of children in china. Apparently it’s common for parents to leave children barely older than toddlers (4/5) out on the streets while they go to work. They don’t even let them stay in the house.

Probably safer. If a child falls inside the house no one will see. If a child falls outside the house hopefully a neighbour will see.

It is 'poor treatment' but important not to judge - most people the world over love their children, just some have better options than others.

Blimey it would be bad enough a 9 year old having to fend for themselves for 6 hours per day, let alone have to be responsible for a 1 year old! Please report.

In a lot of European countries, certainly in mine, there is available and affordable state-subsidised childcare for 1yos, with parental contributions based on income.

Yes, but you will know that in all countries there are some people do not have this option. We know this because we can observe the issue.

For example - is there access to childcare for shifts in the late evening or very early morning? If you look at cleaning jobs, hotel work - these can ber very unsociable hours. Not many nruseries open overnight.

The OP's in a European country, though, and the hours the child is looking after the sibling are in the daytime.

The op isn't talking about whether it's normal in the European country. She's asking if it's normal in China.

Of course. In Nigeria 4 and 5 year olds are put in charge of toddlers and slightly older children supervise them. Doesn't make it ideal.

Yes but I think that's more of a query of whether the parents might genuinely not know that it's frowned upon/that there are other options, rather than if it's normal in China then it's fine.

If she's in a European country chances are the local authorities would find it very much not fine. She might be trying to gauge if she should have a polite word with the parents to let them know before doing something like reporting.

But whether it is normal in China or not is irrelevant in a way to the situation in the OP. It's unlikely to be normal or acceptable in the country it is happening in.

The idea that childcare is affordable is just not realistic.

People don;t leave their children when they have better options.

Not all workers are eligible for childcare/income support.

She might be trying to gauge if she should have a polite word with the parents to let them know before doing something like reporting. This would be the better way to do things because reporting will cause a whole load of problems.

Not all workers are eligible for childcare/income support.

Of course, that is possible, depending on system, and no doubt it's true of the UK, but in the European countries I'm aware of it certainly isn't. In mine you got four hours a day from age 1 without even having to prove you worked, and more if you demonstrated you worked hours that needed it. Parental contribution for the lowest incomes was in low double figures/month, and some were exempt.

Given the situation described in the OP, I think it's a bit of a stretch to insist this is going to be happening because there are no affordable childcare options. There may be a cultural preference not to use childcare and to expect the older sibling to do it, perhaps. But others who interact with that older child aren't going to think that's okay, so the plan needs rethinking.