Pre-teen looking after toddler?

[Spanisheomellletttes]

We live in a European country. My DD just told me that her 9 year-old school friend looks after her 1 year-old sibling for hours at a time. School finishes at 12 and then someone is home early evening. DD thinks around 6. I am unsure if it is everyday. Both parents are immigrants (Chinese and Vietnamese background) and I wondered if this was something more acceptable in these countries. Regardless, I am going to have to do something.

Thanks, all. For what it is worth, the mother and I are loosely friends. (we get along well when we see each other around). The first thing I will be doing is gently asking the DD what is going on, and then I will chat with the mum and see if there is anything I can do. If it remains concerning, I will report it.

Child-care is cheap here from age 3 (maybe 50 euros or so a month) but it is more expensive for babies. There is a lot of immigrant support here, too, but the mum generally presents as anxious and harried, and I doubt whether she would access it.

I also have some concerns about what is happening at home due to a few strange things my DD has told me. The worst thing is, is that knowing about the daughter being responsible for the baby confirms my gut feeling that something is wrong.

I don't think it's right but you can't really be certain thus is true or not. You're getting it third hand from your daughter who heard it from a friend. It could be completely different to what actually happened. Say for example adult leaves them for 5/10 minutes to pop to the shop. Can be fabricated in a nine year olds mind plus they want to sound grown-up

Actually, was with her when she was looking after her sister.

I mean, DD was with her

If your friends with the mother surely it makes sense to ask her outright? Yep not the British thing to do but she isn't British so probably won't be offended.

Just say 'oh your dd says she looks after sibling all afternoon I can't imagine mine doing that she must be very responsible '

You will then get the full story

You allowed your dd to be alone at a friend's house for 6 hours?

I don't know about the laws in your country but it's certainly more lax in some European countries than the U.K. attitude wise. We had to actually tell a German friend of ours living in the U.K. that leaving her 2 children home alone at primary school age is not acceptable because her sister routinely left the cousins at the same age, (they would have been 8&10). Sane goes for children walking to school alone etc. There's obviously a balance to be struck between need for a childcare solution and safety, probably over protective in the U.K. in middle class circles, but in this case it seems unfair on the older child to take on the responsibility though I have less issue with a 9 year old being home alone (it's sad that it's necessary but I'm a realist)

And to those citing that childcare is cheaper in many countries, it is IF you can get a place. So often the subsidised care is not available because you don't know the system, there's a waiting list or simply it's too far away and you don't have a car. My French friend is always complaining when British newspapers talk about the amazing preschool childcare system stating "try getting a place!"

@NoKnit ha! Nope. Went past twice that day to see if she could play. After school and then later that afternoon, and the parents still weren't home.