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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking DSS to catch bus after school

42 replies

ginforall · 25/02/2023 11:26

DSS 15 goes to school a 30 min drive from our house (close to his mum's). He comes to ours on a Tues evening and then for some time over the weekend. It's an arrangement that's been in place for years and generally works well.

Current arrangement is that he walks home from school (30 min walk) and I pick up from his mum's around 4pm (due to time of day and an ever increasing volume of traffic we often get back home around 5.10) and then I take him back on a Wednesday morning before school (and work for me).

Is it unreasonable for DSS to get the bus halfway on a Tuesday and I then pick up from the midpoint. Saving time for us all. DSS is fine with this arrangement, as is his dad and me, his stepmum. His mum is not ok with this and does not want it to happen as it is a change of arrangements and is worried DSS will be too tired.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/02/2023 11:31

What's dss dad doing during this time and what are his thoughts? I don't see why you are driving around so much when the boy is 15, able to use public transport, and has two parents who can help him if he needs.

JennyDarlingRIP · 25/02/2023 11:32

Why can't he get the bus all the way? Most 15 years olds make their own way to and from school. Too tired!!! He's 15 not 5.

PuttingDownRoots · 25/02/2023 11:34

Unless you are missing out major additional needs...

A 15yo should be more than capable of catching a bus everyday, let alone once a week!

35965a · 25/02/2023 11:34

He’s 15, of course it’s fine. His mum might come round to the idea once it’s in place.

TomatoSandwiches · 25/02/2023 11:36

He is 15, unless he has some sort of disability that prevents him from being capable then I don't think his mother's protests have much impact, what is she going to do, stop him getting on the bus?

Bunnyishotandcross · 25/02/2023 11:37

I lived a 45 min drive from exh. Dc often got the bus or train. I their dm not their chauffeur
.
Unless his dm is offering to drop him off she can stfu..

SoupDragon · 25/02/2023 11:37

How is a bus ride more tiring than a 30 minute walk followed by a car journey?

WhatsitWiggle · 25/02/2023 11:39

Would he be catching a bus from school that goes all the way to the new meeting point? What time will you be meeting him? Is that cutting down on travel time?

I'd explain he'll be getting to yours at xyz time, which is however much earlier than currently, allowing him more time to relax.

waterrat · 25/02/2023 11:41

In my town all the children who live this side of the school catchment have a 45 min walk home or they can get bus but they are crowded so most children walk ! And thats from year 7 they enjoy the chat and walk after their school day.

pizzaHeart · 25/02/2023 11:44

He is 15!!! Is there any exceptional circumstances why bus might be a problem?

Chasingsquirrels · 25/02/2023 11:45

ExH usually picked up our boys from from school, or occasionally from my house if later on.
BUT there isn't really a viable public transport system between the school and his house.

Once both were at 6th form, so not much older than your 15yo, they made their own way to his after college - as the public transport was a feasible option (actually far easier to his than to mine).

Asking your 15yo to make his own way, or meet you partway, seems perfectly reasonable.

Howmanysleepsnow · 25/02/2023 11:45

Surely a 30 minute walk is more tiring than a 30 minute bus ride? And his journey time would presumably be less than the hour and 40 minutes it currently is so, again, less tiring?

Zanatdy · 25/02/2023 11:46

At 15 he can get the bus the whole way. He won’t be too tired unless there’s health issues. My 15yr old DD just travelled to Bangladesh on her own this half term to see her dad!

Sherrystrull · 25/02/2023 11:50

If his mum isn't happy, could she drive him?

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 25/02/2023 11:51

Why do you have to pick him up at all? He’s 15, he can get the bus.

Springintoabetterlife · 25/02/2023 11:52

It’s fine but the 15 yr old may decide it’s too much hassle and not bother.

Original poster
ginforall · 25/02/2023 11:52

No additional needs.

Bus would be from outside his school into a city centre. I'd pick up at midpoint at 4pm, would get us back approximately half an hour earlier than current arrangement.

We sorted it all with DSS in half term. When he told his mum she got in touch with her objections and was said she did not want it to happen. She was quite angry in the messages she sent. Worried about putting DSS in the middle of an argument.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 25/02/2023 11:54

I've been doing this with DS every night since just after his 11th birthday. He's fine. YANBU.

jannier · 25/02/2023 11:55

My son had to get two buses and a train to school from 12 let him grow up.

rookiemere · 25/02/2023 11:57

I'm laughing about the too tired.Two days a week DS starts gym training at 7am and doesn't finish until 5pm because of rugby, then gets the bus home.
Of course he should get the bus half way.

Annasgirl · 25/02/2023 11:58

If it’s your DH contact time then the mum doesn’t get a say in how DSS gets to your house from the school.

harriethoyle · 25/02/2023 12:00

ginforall · 25/02/2023 11:52

No additional needs.

Bus would be from outside his school into a city centre. I'd pick up at midpoint at 4pm, would get us back approximately half an hour earlier than current arrangement.

We sorted it all with DSS in half term. When he told his mum she got in touch with her objections and was said she did not want it to happen. She was quite angry in the messages she sent. Worried about putting DSS in the middle of an argument.

Either he gets the bus or DM drives him. She sounds batshit and as if she's being difficult for absolutely no good reason...

Blowyourowntrumpet · 25/02/2023 12:03

I'd tell his mum that you're happy for her to drive him all the way if she's unhappy about him getting the bus.

gettingalifttothestation · 25/02/2023 12:04

At 15 he can get the bus all the way for goodness sake Kids are so molly coddled these days

autumnboys · 25/02/2023 12:05

Is she home when he gets there? Do you think she’s concerned about not seeing him? Not that it matters much, she can either offer another alternate arrangement or accept yours.