Asking DSS to catch bus after school

[ginforall]

DSS 15 goes to school a 30 min drive from our house (close to his mum's). He comes to ours on a Tues evening and then for some time over the weekend. It's an arrangement that's been in place for years and generally works well.

Current arrangement is that he walks home from school (30 min walk) and I pick up from his mum's around 4pm (due to time of day and an ever increasing volume of traffic we often get back home around 5.10) and then I take him back on a Wednesday morning before school (and work for me).

Is it unreasonable for DSS to get the bus halfway on a Tuesday and I then pick up from the midpoint. Saving time for us all. DSS is fine with this arrangement, as is his dad and me, his stepmum. His mum is not ok with this and does not want it to happen as it is a change of arrangements and is worried DSS will be too tired.

Isn’t interesting how it always seems to end up that stepmum’s schedule can accommodate pick ups like this, and dad - actual parent - can’t?

I don’t doubt OP could explain quite clearly why it works in their situation. It’s just an observation though, how often the situation that works is the one where stepmum does the parent stuff. I see it with my own children’s stepmother too, and so often on here.

If the boy can't get the bus one of his actual parents should be driving him.

She's being ridiculous. Ignore.

She is there about one in every 5 weeks on average I'd say. He is in the house for about 5 mins before I get there.

The only reason we told her was so that she wouldn't worry if she was home early from work one day and he didn't come back. We were not expecting it to be an issue.

It is only an issue with her, nothing she has said in her objections are reasonable so she can either drive him herself or let him catch the bus which is a completely age appropriate task for him to be capable of.

Sounds like the ex is just being awkward. He's 15 not 5 and surely wouldn't he want to get the bus with his mates? Does he have no say in it?
Why is it your responsibility to arrange his transport? He has 2 parents let them deal with it

He's not 5

Just ignore her. She has no good reason to be so awkward.

It's not her business if it's on dad's contact time.

Besides - at 15, he should be getting the bus to/from yours both in the evening and in the morning - there's no need for you to be driving anywhere, surely?

It’s totally the norm for teenagers to get the bus here. Unusual for them to be picked up.

Its not really up to his mum thought is it? If he’s happy.

If he normally has a half hour walk home then I imagine a ride on a bus would make a pleasant change.

( and if he can walk unsupervised for half an hour then he can easilycope with a bus ride)

He’s 15 years old. In a couple of years, he’ll be going to uni or into the workforce.

When I was 15, my mum was at home with access to the car during the week but I honestly can’t remember her ever giving me a lift anywhere. He’ll survive a 30 minute bus journey!

YANBU.
He's perfectly capable of getting the bus. I don't know what her issue is. He won't be more tired getting the bus and a lift than walking 30 minutes and getting a lift.

I don't see why 15 year olds should be given lifts all over the place on their way to and from school (unless they live somewhere with poor public transport etc, or have additional needs). It makes much more sense for him to get the bus and be picked up afterwards than the current arrangement you have described.

At 15, this is fine. His mum is being ridiculous. As others have said, if she doesn’t like the arrangement, she can pick up the driving.

I'd ignore her if everyone else is happy with the arrangement

Gosh where I live plenty of children in secondary does a 30 min bus drive. Yanbu. How will he manage getting to work later if he can't do 30 mins at age 15?

Thanks for all the responses. Sometimes when you're in the middle of a situation it's difficult to know if you are seeing it from a biased view. But you've confirmed our thoughts on the matter.