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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU am I a negligent owner?

27 replies

horseeandponies · 24/02/2023 22:05

Had a bit of a rough 24 hours and still feel so upset, not sure if I’m looking for a handhold or a reality check or what.

I fell off my horse yesterday. He’s 16hh, with the height of his saddle and half pad and the fact he was bucking i would say I fell from around 5 foot 7 ish and with force because we were jumping. Basically, he went over the jump, took a stride out, I wasn’t expecting it and landed really badly and he bucked with excitement and I went flying off him. Completely my fault, not his. I landed on my head/neck and shoulder. I went over his left side but my right knee was twisted somehow- I think it was caught in the stirrup and didn’t come cleanly out as I went flying (if that makes sense). I also hurt my hand. it was quite a sore fall overall!

but usually when I fall my first instinct is my horse. I always go and catch and check him. No matter how injured I am. But this time he wasn’t my priority. I sat up as soon as I hit the ground and I saw my horse canter off with his reins and martingale half off and trailing. He also managed to charge into the gate and was loose on the yard. Usually I would be TERRIFIED he would get tangled and injured on his reins and it would be the first thing I do to catch him. Or I’d be terrified that he would run off and maybe even leave the yard. But i wasn’t worried this time. I don’t know what came over me but I saw him canter off and I remember thinking ‘oh, he might get hurt, that’s not good’ then my head felt weird and swirly and I lay back down on the ground. I was thinking and I was fully aware but it felt like I was dreaming. But I KNEW my horse was loose and likely to get injured and I remember thinking about it but not doing anything. Then after a minute or two I realised what was happening and I sort of jumped up and went to get him. thank heavens he hadn’t got himself injured or left the yard- he went to his field and was grazing and was fine. Once I got him I checked him over and he was fine thankfully and I got back on so we could end on a good note (I only realised when I got back on that one of my fingers was twisted the wrong way and my knee was agony!)

but my reaction has really shook me up and I feel terrible. The first rule of horse riding is always the horse comes first and he could have been injured, escaped or killed and I just lay down and didn’t immediately go and help him. He’s my best friend and the most amazing horse- he’s kept me safe, won me countless rosettes and fixed all my terrible mistakes. And he could have been injured or worse and I didn’t even care. Even in falls where I’ve ended up having to go to hospital, I’ve ALWAYS got up to help, catch and check my horse and this time I just thought ‘oh he could get hurt’ ‘oh dear’ ‘that’s not good’ I don’t know what the fuck came over me

I feel so guilty and shitty about it all and I honestly feel the worst owner ever. What if he had got hurt or worse and I was just lying there not even bothering.

not sure what I’m hoping for or why I posted this, I just feel so awful and had to get it out I suppose

OP posts:
Nowthereistwo · 24/02/2023 22:09

Be kind to yourself, you had a serious fall

WombatsAndGumTrees · 24/02/2023 22:10

You said it took you a minute or two before things really clicked and you were properly aware and focused on what was happening. Did you hit your head? Sounds more like you were temporarily shocked than negligent.

Allthismidnighttalking · 24/02/2023 22:10

You sound totally like you had concussion, hope you're ok

Twinklenoseblows · 24/02/2023 22:12

Please don't beat yourself up about this, you fell from a height and injured yourself, and shock can do very funny things to you. It doesn't sound like you didn't care about him specifically, rather that you were briefly in a dissassociative state. This often happens to people when they are in accidents and in no way makes you a terrible person.

You might even have blacked out temporarily without realising. It happened to me once. I swore blind I didn't, but people around me say I was out for the count for a minute or so.

Hope you're on the mend very soon.

Handsfullofholes · 24/02/2023 22:12

As a fellow rider, it sounds like you had concussion. I was kicked in the head a few weeks ago and a hard impact to the head really takes it out of you for a couple of minutes. I just felt ringing in my ears - so I’m not surprised you didn’t immediately get up and grab him.

Hope you’re on the mend soon!

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/02/2023 22:13

You are being unreasonable to be so hard on yourself. It was a bad fall, you were shocked.

user1499114292 · 24/02/2023 22:13

It sounds like you were , at the very least, dazed and confused! And disappearing over the horizon implies he was on all 4 legs, even taking adrenaline into account, which you noted at the time.

how do you feel today? Did you drive home ? Thinking back, should you have?

you still may be a bit concussed, but it’s hard not to reflect after a fall… take care of yourselves.

BotterMon · 24/02/2023 22:15

I voted YABU as you are being too hard on yourself BUT why were you jumping on your own? Surely it's common sense to have somebody with you even if your horses are at home.
Hope you are feeling better soon and your horse sounds fine.

dalmatianmad · 24/02/2023 22:17

I think you were probably knocked out for a few seconds, don't be hard on yourself. You should keep an eye out on things like dizziness, vomiting, headaches, visual changes and get checked if needed. Are you on any blood thinners?

I'm an A+E Sister and fellow horse person so speak from experience!

Honeyroar · 24/02/2023 22:18

You are being silly. You had a bad fall, hurt yourself, and by the sounds of it you concussed yourself. He was ok, no harm was done. Put it behind you. But make sure you’re checked over yourself (you wouldn’t leave him injured and unchecked..).

ponyinmud · 24/02/2023 22:23

You're crazy to feel guilty!
You obviously had a big fall and were concussed. (Hope you're ok now).

Your experience and explanation about horse comes first is interesting to me because I fell off my Mums horse (he was barely a horse - more a large pony) when I was about 10/12 and I remember she raced after him rather than check if I was ok! (It was his fault too!)

I remember feeling a bit Confused about this, he would have had to go through a couple of yards and made a couple of correct 'wrong' turns to end up on the road so I didn't feel she was justified in racing after him - plus he was probably headed for a nice patch of grass!

But to be fair she had a few kids and only one horse Smile so I got over it.

Missingthegore · 24/02/2023 22:27

Trauma nurse here

You have fallen off a large horse at speed
You have given yourself at least a concussion and potentially a spinal injury or clavicle fracture. Get checked out at hospital.

You may love the horse and worry about its safety but you are more important, you cannot be replaced.

A spinal injury turning you into a quadriplegic? A significant brain injury resulting in the need for full time care? A multi level fusion resulting in you never being able to flex your neck again? These risks are greater than a horse being hurt.

WonderingWanda · 24/02/2023 22:28

I know nothing about horses but you clearly lost consciousness and then were a bit woozy as you came around. That doesn't make you anything other than injured. Imagine it another way, if I was in a car accident and passed out, would I be a bad parent if my first thought wasn't 'What about my children?'

Toddlerteaplease · 24/02/2023 22:30

You had a really bad fall and we're in shock!

gamerchick · 24/02/2023 22:32

Our survival instinct is massively strong. The vast majority of us don't know how strong it is. You haven't done anything wrong OP.

Really hope you've been to hospital.

Stigsmother · 24/02/2023 22:39

Fellow rider here, you had a crashing fall, at the very least you were dazed, as others have said you may have been knocked out. If you landed on your feet I'm sure you would have after him immediately, as it was your head had other ideas.
It will be different next time, there's always a next time 😉

nocoolnamesleft · 24/02/2023 22:44

You (at best) rattled your brain. Brains that have just received an insult don't think straight. In fact, I would argue you're still not entirely thinking straight or else you would realise this. Have you been checked out? That's a high impact fall.

RuperttheBearHug · 24/02/2023 22:45

I have my own horses OP and am I allowed to say your post made me smile? Not because of your fall - please do get checked out and rest if you can. But this is what’s wrong with all us horsewomen.

“I couldn’t walk properly but I made sure I got back on…”

”My ankle was broken but I walked 6 miles to where he was and gave him a carrot.”

”it wasn’t my fault - he didn’t mean for me to end up in hospital for 6 weeks.”

I’m teasing. But honestly, your instincts are there for a reason and your body was telling you it wasn’t safe for you to get up so soon after such a nasty fall. You did nothing wrong, weren’t in a fit state to find your horse, and everything was fine. Be kind to yourself ❤️

Mariposista · 24/02/2023 22:48

You had had a bang on the head and were in shock. You weren't 'you' at that moment. The fact you feel so bad shows how much you love your horse. Hope you are both ok.

Poscapen · 24/02/2023 22:51

YABU to be hard on yourself about this. You had a bad fall, you’re allowed to be disoriented for a couple of minutes!

PuttingDownRoots · 24/02/2023 22:59

I've had concussion before. It was like being on a different plane of existence... I was aware of reality but not fully processing it. (On my case.. I knew I shouldn't be falling asleep everywhere but it was like it didn't matter. Or the fact I couldn't move my arm properly. )

You were injured. Not acting completely rationally is to be expected.

If you had broken your leg for example... wod you have expected yourself to run after your horse?

Hope you are both ok.

2DemisSVP · 24/02/2023 23:04

I love this. Horsewomen are brilliantly bonkers to us normal folk. He was fine. You needed a minute. Don’t be hard on yourself.

Rebel2 · 24/02/2023 23:04

RuperttheBearHug · 24/02/2023 22:45

I have my own horses OP and am I allowed to say your post made me smile? Not because of your fall - please do get checked out and rest if you can. But this is what’s wrong with all us horsewomen.

“I couldn’t walk properly but I made sure I got back on…”

”My ankle was broken but I walked 6 miles to where he was and gave him a carrot.”

”it wasn’t my fault - he didn’t mean for me to end up in hospital for 6 weeks.”

I’m teasing. But honestly, your instincts are there for a reason and your body was telling you it wasn’t safe for you to get up so soon after such a nasty fall. You did nothing wrong, weren’t in a fit state to find your horse, and everything was fine. Be kind to yourself ❤️

That ^

I woke up from my spine op and asked when I could ride. I'm sure the surgeon muttered "horse people" under his breath

But sometimes you have to prioritise yourself - and I'm of the "horse sorted first even if you are soaked/desperate for a wee/drink etc"

Maverickess · 24/02/2023 23:06

Having had several falls over the course of my riding life (most of my actual life!) It sounds like a bad fall that you're lucky to walk limp away from.
Please get checked out because it does sound like you whacked your head - and get a new hat too it probably just saved you a lot worse injuries if not your life.
It isn't like you shouted "And don't come back!" After his departing backside, or even muttered a few choice words under your breath as he disappeared (definitely done that a few times!) You took a crashing fall and were stunned/shocked for a few moments, you're human, not a robot and the horse is fine, he headed for his mates and grass like they invariably do!
I voted YABU because beating yourself up over this won't do anything, just make you feel bad and you're battered enough for one day!

Take care OP 💐

Original poster
horseeandponies · 25/02/2023 22:09

Thank you so much for the reassuring messages. I had got myself into such a state about it and I felt so unbelievably guilty about not immediately helping my horse. I think the fall was a bit worse than I had initially realised!

I didn’t need to get medical help thankfully, I hurt my knee and initially thought my finger might be broken but it’s been better today thankfully so didn’t end up needing to get help x

OP posts: