Had a bit of a rough 24 hours and still feel so upset, not sure if I’m looking for a handhold or a reality check or what.
I fell off my horse yesterday. He’s 16hh, with the height of his saddle and half pad and the fact he was bucking i would say I fell from around 5 foot 7 ish and with force because we were jumping. Basically, he went over the jump, took a stride out, I wasn’t expecting it and landed really badly and he bucked with excitement and I went flying off him. Completely my fault, not his. I landed on my head/neck and shoulder. I went over his left side but my right knee was twisted somehow- I think it was caught in the stirrup and didn’t come cleanly out as I went flying (if that makes sense). I also hurt my hand. it was quite a sore fall overall!
but usually when I fall my first instinct is my horse. I always go and catch and check him. No matter how injured I am. But this time he wasn’t my priority. I sat up as soon as I hit the ground and I saw my horse canter off with his reins and martingale half off and trailing. He also managed to charge into the gate and was loose on the yard. Usually I would be TERRIFIED he would get tangled and injured on his reins and it would be the first thing I do to catch him. Or I’d be terrified that he would run off and maybe even leave the yard. But i wasn’t worried this time. I don’t know what came over me but I saw him canter off and I remember thinking ‘oh, he might get hurt, that’s not good’ then my head felt weird and swirly and I lay back down on the ground. I was thinking and I was fully aware but it felt like I was dreaming. But I KNEW my horse was loose and likely to get injured and I remember thinking about it but not doing anything. Then after a minute or two I realised what was happening and I sort of jumped up and went to get him. thank heavens he hadn’t got himself injured or left the yard- he went to his field and was grazing and was fine. Once I got him I checked him over and he was fine thankfully and I got back on so we could end on a good note (I only realised when I got back on that one of my fingers was twisted the wrong way and my knee was agony!)
but my reaction has really shook me up and I feel terrible. The first rule of horse riding is always the horse comes first and he could have been injured, escaped or killed and I just lay down and didn’t immediately go and help him. He’s my best friend and the most amazing horse- he’s kept me safe, won me countless rosettes and fixed all my terrible mistakes. And he could have been injured or worse and I didn’t even care. Even in falls where I’ve ended up having to go to hospital, I’ve ALWAYS got up to help, catch and check my horse and this time I just thought ‘oh he could get hurt’ ‘oh dear’ ‘that’s not good’ I don’t know what the fuck came over me
I feel so guilty and shitty about it all and I honestly feel the worst owner ever. What if he had got hurt or worse and I was just lying there not even bothering.
not sure what I’m hoping for or why I posted this, I just feel so awful and had to get it out I suppose