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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have refused to leave my kids with my sisters dog

33 replies

AnonymouslyOnHere · 24/02/2023 18:04

My sister has a large dog (approx 1 year old). She doesn’t have kids, the dog is her ‘baby’. The dog is not used to children and is very ‘nervy’. My kids love dogs but aren’t around them much.
Me and DH were recently visiting my parents and for the first time were going to leave the kids with them for 2 nights (kids are 7 and 4). My sister was also there with the dog. On the night before we were due to go away and leave the kids the dog was constantly nipping at my youngest every time she moved. Not biting, just almost snatching its mouth towards her (I don’t really know how to describe!). This was obv unsettling for my DD and I was getting stressed.
In the morning, I asked for my sister to take the dog to her bf to look after as I couldn’t trust it around the kids. Or we would take the kids away with us. The dog was sent to the bf but this has caused some upset in the family.
So AIBU to have sent the dog away?

OP posts:
MinnieGirl · 24/02/2023 18:06

Nope.
You did give them a choice… I would have done the same.

bluetakkis · 24/02/2023 18:06

Tabby she needs to discipline the dog and teach it how to behave around them before it can be trusted around them

bluetakkis · 24/02/2023 18:07

Yanbu not tabby!

Thedogscollar · 24/02/2023 18:07

No you did absolutely thd right thing for all concerned.

NoSquirrels · 24/02/2023 18:09

Does your sister live there with the dog? Is it going to be on ongoing issue?

You did the right thing. The dog was stressed by the DC. The DC would be stressed by the dog too. That’s a behaviour loop that’s not going to get better quickly.

Original poster
AnonymouslyOnHere · 24/02/2023 18:16

No she was there to see the kids

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 24/02/2023 18:20

I had this image of your sister's dog babysitting your kids.

NoSquirrels · 24/02/2023 18:20

Well, now you all know the dog and kids aren’t compatible so as a good dog owner who is concerned for the welfare of her fur baby (who was stressed by the kids) she’ll presumably arrange visits without the dog in future?

LivesOnPigeonStreet · 24/02/2023 18:28

I probably would have just left with the kids rather than demanded someone else send their dog home but ynbu to not leave your DC with the dog.

Napmum · 24/02/2023 18:30

I would talk to your sister about this, to clear the air. I think you did the right thing for the dog!

The dog was getting stressed and could have instinctively lashed out. If a child was bitten, the police might have the dog put down, and no one wants that. Has sister done dog training? I think she needs to speak to a behaviourally or trainer about how to get the dog used to children if she wants that dog to be around any children. It is not fair on the dog!

ProbablyDogNappersHunX · 24/02/2023 18:31

Massive dog person here, and YANBU.

The dog was uncomfortable with your DC and has done the right thing by expressing that (there were probably some more subtle signals that you understandably missed but your sister needs to learn about - this video is a good intro )

If the dog isn't comfortable around children then making it be around children is doing no one any favours.

Original poster
AnonymouslyOnHere · 24/02/2023 19:09

Thank you everyone, especially for the advice about training for the dog. You’re right, I do need to speak to my sister and clear the air. It’s become an issue which makes me sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonymouslyOnHere · 24/02/2023 19:10

Also glad to hear I actually did the right thing by the dog as well as the kids! I hadn’t really thought of that angle

OP posts:
IsItBedtimeYetNope · 24/02/2023 19:13

YANBU your sister needs to take better care of her dog and not put it in stressful situations. You did exactly the right thing to keep your kids safe. And the dog.

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/02/2023 19:14

Dog behaviourist/trainer here...

Hell no. Nervy mouthy grabby dog and kids who love dogs thus are unaware of how the dog feels... baaaaaad combination even before you add in a dog owner who seems unaware of the risks or unable to do the right behaviour modification/training.

MrsBunnyEars · 24/02/2023 19:21

Not at all. My DSIL has an enormous and bouncy dog. DD doesn’t go round there unless the dog is out.

They think I’m crazy because he is (apparently) fine with her kids, but he’s very boisterous and taller than my 3yo.

They’re nice people so they accept it with grace.

Lavender14 · 24/02/2023 19:22

Sounds like your sister isn't aware enough of her dogs behaviours and she's assuming the dog is more confident/ comfortable than it actually is. I'm curious as to the breed of dog, not that it overly matters but some dogs eg collies will do this to fulfil their urge to 'herd' if they aren't getting enough physical/ mental stimulation and a suitable outlet for these instincts. It's not necessarily an act of aggression but could escalate and could be scary for a child so either way your sister should be recognising that as something that needs addressed urgently. I think you made the right call and it was nice of you to give them the choice. At the end of the day it's up to you to make the best decisions for your kids as you see fit and if you're not comfortable leaving them there with the dog then that's the correct call for you to make. It sounds like your sister is a little irresponsible as a pet owner to be honest. She should be more concerned about her dogs anxiety and behaviour and should be focusing more on training and socialising and stimulating.

autienotnaughty · 24/02/2023 19:42

It sounds like mouthing? My lab explores everything with his mouth but doesn't actually bite.

But I do agree I wouldn't want the dog there either . And you are not unreasonable to ask.

autienotnaughty · 24/02/2023 19:44

Sorry missed the 'nervy' bit yes that is a concern.

afinishedkiss · 24/02/2023 20:08

You did right OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/02/2023 20:17

One of the effective rules I used with DD when she was small and she wanted to pet a dog was, 'ask the owner then ask the dog'.

She ask the owner, 'can I pet your dog?' I would ask if it was friendly. Then she would 'ask the dog'. Was it yawning, showing whites of eyes, ears back etc. put hand out palm down, does the dog approach and lick and so on.

The number of times an owner said 'yes' and a dog said 'no' was scary. I heard 'he's fine' when the dog was moving away, ears back, yawning etc. people need to understand their dogs and teach them and children that both should be listened to.

ProbablyDogNappersHunX · 24/02/2023 20:26

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/02/2023 20:17

One of the effective rules I used with DD when she was small and she wanted to pet a dog was, 'ask the owner then ask the dog'.

She ask the owner, 'can I pet your dog?' I would ask if it was friendly. Then she would 'ask the dog'. Was it yawning, showing whites of eyes, ears back etc. put hand out palm down, does the dog approach and lick and so on.

The number of times an owner said 'yes' and a dog said 'no' was scary. I heard 'he's fine' when the dog was moving away, ears back, yawning etc. people need to understand their dogs and teach them and children that both should be listened to.

This is perfect 😍

On more than one occasion I've had to tell children to stop chasing my dog - who was definitely saying no by walking away! Parents looked confused...

Original poster
AnonymouslyOnHere · 24/02/2023 20:31

It’s a husky

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonymouslyOnHere · 24/02/2023 20:32

Love this. Going to start using this!

OP posts:
Sarain · 24/02/2023 20:34

Dear me. Suggest a behaviourist cokes to work with all of you? Then your sister will feel you value the dog as well. It can be sorted but you need help.

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