Parents tracking their children

[intrestedvic]

I am always reading on threads how people know where their children are due to apple air tags or, apps, or location sharing on a phone.

Not just on mumsnet but in my circle I know lots of parents who use maps or share location with children.

I am a parent to small children currently but I was wondering opinions on this situation. If you track your children and why and if not why not?

And there's no evidence it leads to coercive control

The point I was making earlier is that we’re normalising tracking someone because “I just want to know you’re safe” “I can put dinner on when I know you’re nearly home” “I feel better knowing you caught your connecting train” “I can come and pick you up without directions or disturbing you” some people will use it to their advantage and even the people providing innocent examples given need to question their motives. It shouldn’t be about us it should be about the person being tracked and in a lot of examples it’s sold to them as a benefit yet it’s someone else benefiting not them..

I think the phrase "tracking" makes it sound like families and couples are watching these apps constantly, monitoring where each other are.

I can go for days without actually specifically opening the app. It alerts me when DD DH or DM have arrived home so I know they have got home safely, no need to the text when you get home conversations. I can remember even before apps and mobiles having to give a couple of rings to let mum know I had arrived somewhere safely so this isn't a new thing. It tells me they have completed a journey, so now instead of texting my DH I have arrived safely at my destination, he gets an alert. It makes our life easier.

The last time I actually opened it to check where someone was, was when DD 10 was shopping with her friend and they were not back a little bit after we were expecting them to be. I opened it, saw they were still in smith's so we knew they had just lost track of time. They were back 10 mins later having been stuck in a long queue.

For us and I think most families it's in the background as a back up, not a constant big brother surveillance

I think there's a big difference between a weird boyfriend tracking your every move and a mum wanting to know you've got home safely. Most teens and young adults can tell the difference- if some can't they have bigger problems than life 360.

Agree with everything Greatly posts on this!

I’m a mum, I want to know my children are home safely, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve told them to text if they were staying at a friends when they were going out into town but they didn’t. The thought of using their phone to track them never even crossed my mind as an option and I certainly wouldn’t guilt trip them into it which some PP have done. Like I’ve said it’s normalising being tracked for someone else’s benefit not that of the tracked person. That’s the slippery slope.

DD is 22 and living in the city she went to university in. We don't track each other and never have.

I know of parents of university age students who do and think it is unhealthy unless there is a specific need for it.

There's no real need at all, unless you both find it useful.

My daughter put me on life 360 so she knows how far I am if I'm picking her up. She tracks me!!

I do with my 15 yr old, but I don't actively look at it all the time, only if I'm picking her up from somewhere

She's just started getting the bus and train on her own, so it's handy rather than me 'checking up on her' she can also see me as it's a family apple app

I remember dc once saying they much preferred having life 360 as I didn't text them. A friend that she went riding with didn't have it and her mum messaged her a few times checking all was OK. I didn't need to text as could see she was moving and on her normal horse riding route. Obviously messaging mum is not always that easy when you need to keep both hands on the reins!

The thing with these tracking apps is that you are in control and can turn it off if you want.

We use Findmy iPhone and me, my husband and our 18 year old son are on it. Our boy is autistic and just starting to travel independently. It means we can check where he is and get to him if he needs help. It’s a big reassurance for all of us. It’s not “surveillance” because it doesn’t spy on him and what he’s doing, it’s just letting us know where he is. It suits all 3 of us.

You clearly have a specific need though @teaandcake123. Technology like this can help with independence in this case.

If I could see where DD was all the time it would probably cause me too much anxiety.

16 year olds that are trying to avoid controlling/over-strict/whatever you want to call it parents either don't share their social media with their parents or have both a parent-friendly and a real version of it.

My teen DC both know children that do this. I doubt that their friends are unique among teenagers so I assume others do it to.

It's only really a tech version of you telling your parent you're at Susie's house while Susie tells her parent that she's at your house.

How do you know yours don't 😉

Lots of teens and young adults follow each other on Snapchat and can see each other's location via the snapmaps feature.
I don't think they see 'tracking' in the same way those who didn't grow up with the ability do.
Many chose to be visible to their friends and choose to be able to view their friend's locations.

We all have a linked Apple family account - it also means we can share app, music, film purchases and have a shared iCloud which is cheaper when done that way. We can all see each other's location if we wish. It isn't something we do on a regular basis and anyone who wants to can turn their location off if need be (all 3 of us are adults now) but no one has felt the need.

When dd was younger it was a condition of having a mobile phone, along with us having the right to monitor her phone use. This gradually lessened as she got older and stopped entirely.

*growing up.

Lots of teens and young adults follow each other on Snapchat and can see each other's location via the snapmaps feature.
I don't think they see 'tracking' in the same way those who didn't grow up with the ability do.
Many chose to be visible to their friends and choose to be able to view their friend's locations*

No they don't. They have already effectively been "groomed" into thinking that it's a good thing

We don't track them so they don't need to use burner phones ....?

Are they lying about where they are going? Potentially. I always think any parent of a teen who definitively says their teen never lies to them is probably deluding themselves.

Although DS is 18 and we don't insist on knowing where he is at every point of the day anyway. Only if he's going to be home for dinner :) And DD is disabled so her physical ability to get to many places is quite limited, although once her friends start to drive, who knows?

My parents were very strict. I had to lie to them constantly or I would have never been able to leave the house other than to go to school or sanctioned activities (e.g. swimming lessons, volunteering). If I was a teen in today's generation they would absolutely be tracking me and I would absolutely be leaving my phone at my friend's house and sneaking out.

If you have a great relationship with their teen (and it's not just you that thinks it's great) and you have phone tracking enabled, for use in an emergency only, I can see this can be of value. But no one needs to know where anyone else is at every point of the day, and the reasons given on here are mostly due to control/lack of communication than actual need.

My parents were very strict. I had to lie to them constantly or I would have never been able to leave the house other than to go to school or sanctioned activities

Then I can understand why you feel the way you do. Conversely my parents couldn't have given a shit where I was!

Mine were utterly confident in my swotty behaviour so all parental firepower was directed at my poor sister! I basically did what I wanted.

We as a family use Life360. It's just handy to be able to quickly check when someone has arrived safely, is on their way home etc.

I also have a teen with ASD and ADHD. I feel a lot happier knowing where she is. She knows we can see her location and is OK with it. She can often be anxious so has some security in knowing we know where she is if she needs us to go to her.

It's just part of our way of life now and also helpful to locate misplaced phones.

We as a family of 4 have life360. We can all see each other. It helped us recently when my DD got lost with her mates when she went out (not very street wise). It also gives me a rough estimation when to start tea for my DH when he's finishing a 12hr shift.
When it comes to my 13 Yr old she knows if she doesn't answer the phone after so many rings, we come looking for her. She also knows if she sends a certain emoji or codeword we come straight to her. Our area isn't a nice one unfortunately 😕
My son is 8 this year and has a cheap smart phone. He has life360 on it but isn't really away from us unless he's at grandparents or friends houses. Still useful to have.

I’d have hated the idea of my parents tracking my every move during my teens. It’s weird parental behaviour IMO. Surely part of growing up is doing things that your parents don’t know about? I’m not suggesting criminal behaviour but just having an area of your life (as you get older) that your parents have no part in. Once you start tracking your kids you’re on a slippy slope. Kids need boundaries but they also need freedom.

My DS only 9 currently so not out alone. But I absolutely will when he's older. He'll have to get the bus home from secondary school when he goes but he has SEND and is emotionally is much younger than his peers. I will absolutely be tracking him. I'm completely fine with this decision.

On the WIWIKAU Facebook group some parents are complaining that their student DC have switched off parental tracking.

When will these parents learn to let go? These students are adults without any extra needs BTW.