Page 10 | Parents tracking their children

intrestedvic · 2023-02-23T23:58:09+00:00

I am always reading on threads how people know where their children are due to apple air tags or, apps, or location sharing on a phone. Not just on mumsnet but in my circle I know lots of parents who use maps or share location with children. I am a parent to small children currently but I was wondering opinions on this situation. If you track your children and why and if not why not?

HoomanMoomin · 24/02/2023 17:54

NerrSnerr · 24/02/2023 17:42

If he hadn't shared location why would you be calling or messaging constantly?

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Because I wanted him to go to the shop on the way or needed him to wait for me as I was walking from the bus or something like that. Small things.
If you think I am sitting and constantly staring at the screen, you’re wrong. I’m not paranoid and my DS is definitely not bothered about me tracking him. And when he decides that he doesn’t want me to see his location, he can stop sharing it.

TheaBrandt · 24/02/2023 18:04

I think parenting teens is different now. I don’t see the fearful doom mongering parenting of teens that I and my friends had. Our parents were always quick to think the worst of us and were quite authoritarian which led to even good kids lying and sneaking about . I don’t know anyone that parents like that now. It’s much more collaborative and adult - reasonable type of relationship hence the odd find my phone doesn’t bother either party as the parents aren’t trying to over control the teens and the teens are perfectly open and happy about their movements. That’s my experience anyway.

Greatly · 24/02/2023 19:02

TheaBrandt · 24/02/2023 18:04

I think parenting teens is different now. I don’t see the fearful doom mongering parenting of teens that I and my friends had. Our parents were always quick to think the worst of us and were quite authoritarian which led to even good kids lying and sneaking about . I don’t know anyone that parents like that now. It’s much more collaborative and adult - reasonable type of relationship hence the odd find my phone doesn’t bother either party as the parents aren’t trying to over control the teens and the teens are perfectly open and happy about their movements. That’s my experience anyway.

Agree.

MaireadMcSweeney · 24/02/2023 19:04

TheaBrandt · 24/02/2023 18:04

I think parenting teens is different now. I don’t see the fearful doom mongering parenting of teens that I and my friends had. Our parents were always quick to think the worst of us and were quite authoritarian which led to even good kids lying and sneaking about . I don’t know anyone that parents like that now. It’s much more collaborative and adult - reasonable type of relationship hence the odd find my phone doesn’t bother either party as the parents aren’t trying to over control the teens and the teens are perfectly open and happy about their movements. That’s my experience anyway.

Basically yeah!
I don't want my DS to feel he has to hide from me. So far so good.

MissedItByThisMuch · 24/02/2023 21:15

Well obviously I’m in the minority here but I find this normalising of other people being able to know your location at all times “for your own good” by this generation Orwellian and concerning. And the fact that they “consent” doesn’t make it better. Do they really, fully consent ie understand the full implications of giving up previously unquestioned freedoms and privacy?

The implications of progressively normalising being under constant surveillance by an authority figure (which, hedge it around with “mutual and consenting” as much as you like, is what we’re talking about here) are worrying to me. (And I’m definitely not some crazy conspiracy theorist at all, promise!)

And that’s apart from the unspoken message people are sending, even if you only use it to see if they’re on the train (can’t they just take the trouble to text you??), that the world is a dangerous frightening place.

But clearly as I said I’m in the minority here.

WandaWonder · 24/02/2023 21:33

I have yet to find my son hiding anything so I don't need to track him in the first place

Greatly · 24/02/2023 21:37

And I’m definitely not some crazy conspiracy theorist at all, promise!

You sound like one.

Notmycircus · 24/02/2023 21:38

All the posters talking about "burner" phones are making me laugh! How exactly do you think it would work? Most location apps need the phone number to register on them. So, the burner phone would have to be the one they take with them when they leave their real phone "at their friends house" as a decoy. As if a teenager would want to be out and about with a second phone that has to attachment to their social media, friends etc. Or are you actually implying that a 16 yr old would be so devious that they have a second complete identity for their parents??

MissedItByThisMuch · 24/02/2023 22:12

Greatly · 24/02/2023 21:37

And I’m definitely not some crazy conspiracy theorist at all, promise!

You sound like one.

Well if actually thinking about issues and being concerned about the largely subconscious erosion of hard-fought for civil liberties which are not the norm everywhere in the world makes me a conspiracy theorist so be it. No doubt you think my language is overly dramatic, you’re “only” using it to see if people are on their train or whatever but that’s how slippery slopes work.

ILiveAt64ZooLane · 24/02/2023 22:24

CheeseDreamsTonight · 24/02/2023 17:48

I track dd, 12, as she is just finding her feet being out and about and she likes that I know where she is and can see it she gets in trouble / kidnapped and zooms off in a car! She's very good at telling me where she is and asking etc and I don't expect to still be doing it in a few years

Has she ever got into trouble/kidnapped or zoomed off in a car? Do you just watch the app constantly while she’s out so you can respond as soon as she gets into trouble/kidnapped or zoomed off in a car? If she is only 12 though it’s probably in a few years when she could be zooming off in a car with friends. If she’s very good at telling you where she is you could cut her some slack and trust her.

Greatly · 24/02/2023 22:53

MissedItByThisMuch · 24/02/2023 22:12

Well if actually thinking about issues and being concerned about the largely subconscious erosion of hard-fought for civil liberties which are not the norm everywhere in the world makes me a conspiracy theorist so be it. No doubt you think my language is overly dramatic, you’re “only” using it to see if people are on their train or whatever but that’s how slippery slopes work.

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I don't think checking whereabouts someone is, or making sure they haven't fallen off their horse (or if they have, knowing where they are) is a slippery slope to anything.

I expect people felt like this about the telephone when it was first invented.

It's something that can make life easier and more relaxing for both parties.

DancingDaughter50 · 24/02/2023 23:05

I track dd and she's not bothered in the slightlest but then she doesn't really have anything to hide!

DancingDaughter50 · 24/02/2023 23:07

Eg tonight she asked me to collect her from somewhere in didn't know... At a particular time.
So it was great to pull up press a button and see she was there near by and I didn't have to disturb her.

TheaBrandt · 24/02/2023 23:09

I think this is one of those polarising debates. You either think looking at the locations of your teens via their phones is outrageous / the new 1984/ gateway to coercive control relationships / tool for neurotic helicopters or a useful feature to check your teens are vaguely where they are supposed to be / what time they will be home for tea / where you need to drive to get them. And never the Twain shall meet!

Saltywalruss · 24/02/2023 23:12

DancingDaughter50 · 24/02/2023 23:07

Eg tonight she asked me to collect her from somewhere in didn't know... At a particular time.
So it was great to pull up press a button and see she was there near by and I didn't have to disturb her.

She asked you to collect her. I can't see how you would be disturbing her by asking where she wants to be collected from!

verdantverdure · 24/02/2023 23:19

We all share our location with the rest of the family.

DancingDaughter50 · 24/02/2023 23:21

Oh.

Painful to write in detail really, I'd already been asking her for the pick up place and it was just a quick walk somewhere with friends who are quite new.
So I didn't really want to keep nagging her as to time and where she was. Ie ruin the short time she had so whilst I had done that truing to get an adress I was then able to see where she was and just wait!?.. Does that explain it further for you 🙄

MissedItByThisMuch · 24/02/2023 23:34

Greatly · 24/02/2023 22:53

I don't think checking whereabouts someone is, or making sure they haven't fallen off their horse (or if they have, knowing where they are) is a slippery slope to anything.

I expect people felt like this about the telephone when it was first invented.

It's something that can make life easier and more relaxing for both parties.

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Well of course you don’t think it’s a slippery slope. That’s the whole point about slippery slopes. You don’t recognise you’re on them until you’re too far down to get back up

Look I realise I’m not going to convince people on this. But it’s a little depressing how few people are seemingly interested in looking beyond their own specific circumstances to the wider issues and engaging in debate beyond “well I do it and mean no harm so it must be ok”.

TheaBrandt · 25/02/2023 06:53

Why though? Why stop doing something that makes your life a little easier because of others (imo anyway over dramatic) opinions? Its like my uncle who refuses to use his Sat nav so keeps getting lost <goes on find my phone which links to google maps to get exact address of where 14 year old is currently to go and pick her up >

Greatly · 25/02/2023 07:22

MissedItByThisMuch · 24/02/2023 23:34

Well of course you don’t think it’s a slippery slope. That’s the whole point about slippery slopes. You don’t recognise you’re on them until you’re too far down to get back up

Look I realise I’m not going to convince people on this. But it’s a little depressing how few people are seemingly interested in looking beyond their own specific circumstances to the wider issues and engaging in debate beyond “well I do it and mean no harm so it must be ok”.

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I've got plenty of things to worry about and this isn't one of them.

Lcb123 · 25/02/2023 07:25

No I’d never do that unless they can consent, I.e as a teenager. It’s so statistically rare to have a child taken. Going in a car is statistically much more dangerous but no one fusses over that.
I find it so weird when couples track each other to…

Greatly · 25/02/2023 07:45

@MissedItByThisMuch if companies/big pharma/big brother/China want to track us through our phones they can already, without hacking into Life 360 and stealing their data.

And there's no evidence it leads to coercive control- there's no evidence it improves community cohesion either but that scenario is just as likely.

TheaBrandt · 25/02/2023 07:54

Lcb the issue is with teens most of whom are able to consent or not. I would be fine for mine to not consent but then it would be incumbent on them to let me know their whereabouts if I needed to and frankly being lazy teens who we have an easy open relationship with they prefer it I use find my phone. They would think I was weird if I stopped using it and went back to directly contacting them.

MissedItByThisMuch · 25/02/2023 08:00

Greatly · 25/02/2023 07:45

@MissedItByThisMuch if companies/big pharma/big brother/China want to track us through our phones they can already, without hacking into Life 360 and stealing their data.

And there's no evidence it leads to coercive control- there's no evidence it improves community cohesion either but that scenario is just as likely.

What the hell are you on about?? Did you miss the bit where I’m NOT a conspiracy theorist? FFS if you’re going to argue with me at least make some attempt to read and understand what I’m actually saying. I actually despair about peoples’ comprehension skills.

Greatly · 25/02/2023 08:03

MissedItByThisMuch · 25/02/2023 08:00

What the hell are you on about?? Did you miss the bit where I’m NOT a conspiracy theorist? FFS if you’re going to argue with me at least make some attempt to read and understand what I’m actually saying. I actually despair about peoples’ comprehension skills.

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So where is the slippery slope leading?