Family member comes to see us but then is always on the phone. It annoys me so much and is so rude!

[Douse]

I have a family member who doesnt work has no commitments to her time, has no husband/partner or children, who lives alone and has all the time in the world to speak to whoever she likes to.

But yet whenever she comes to visit us for dinner or a few hours which is already really difficult to plan because of our commitments. She's always got someone ringing her and she doesn't think twice about saying "oh can I call you back" nope she awnsers the phones and will be on it for ages and then will have the audacity to moan she can't hear the person because of the background noise thats going on in my busy home, children husband and dogs.

It pisses me off so much!!! Shes due to come over in a few days and she's messaged me to arrange times and said oh ...(person)..... will be ringing me whilst I'm at yours. Hope thats OK.

Why!!!! Why can't she speak to whoever it is in her own time. I find it incredibly rude your hear to see us not be on your phone.Arghhhhhh

Once had a friend who would spend as much time as possible on her phone, scrolling through her social media shite.
We'd start a conversation but then her eyes would be drawn to that screen then all I'd get from her was 'um-hum ' noises.

I started to just stop mid sentence then she wouldn't realise for a while then would eventually say ' carry on, I AM listening.'
She would often just stop dead in a conversation and say ' awww, look at my ( inset child's name) , that was at so and so's party.

Needless to say I no longer see her.

It's incredibly rude , frustrating and socially inept.

I would leave the room to give her privacy and that way you're not an active participant in it. And don't go back in until she's finished. Each and every time.

How does she know she's getting a call then?

This...
It's your home.
Or as PP say tell her it's best to rearrange then your time together won't be disturbed.

YANBU @Douse

I have a friend who I've known for many years, and she's actually pretty much OK mostly - I meet her for a coffee about once every six to eight weeks or so. I spend about an hour and a half, to two hours with her.

Every single time I meet her, she has WhatsApp messages, and texts, and 'tweets,' and she always scrolls through them (when I am speaking sometimes!) and says I'm gonna quickly respond to this...' And if her phone rings... she says 'hang on, I just gotta speak to them. Won't be long...' Cue a 5 to 8 minute conversation.

Every other time I see her, she gets a phone call, sometimes two or three phone calls. Nothing important, just her husband asking 'what's for tea?' Or her daughter saying 'can you meet me in the town centre in an hour? I want you to get something for me as I don't have enough money.' Or her mum saying 'what time you coming round after?'

Why can't people switch their phone on silent for at least an hour when they are meeting up with someone? I have no idea but it's so annoying and frustrating. I never NEVER do this. I've been really close to just getting up and walking away from her sometimes, and actually, as much as I like her, it is putting me off meeting her. Why do people do this? She is not even a teen or a millennial, she is in her 50s!

It’s just rude. I agree about going out of the room, leave her to it every time. If she asks where you are when she’s finished say you could see she was busy. The phone call without any background noise won’t be as valuable to her!

This is really patronising. I'd rather someone straight up called me rude and annoying than said this to me like I was five years old.

So she didn't. Mea culpa.

Instead she went for All said with a big smile on your face and a little head tilt at the end
But still cringey.

yes rude behaviour. dosent suprise me though, phones have made people rude and selfish. People will think nothing of banging into you when your out all because they are looking down at their phones.
Look up and concentrate.

Yes! This! I thought this too.

You will be unreasonable if she has asked you if it’s ok and you then don’t speak up. Either speak up or put up with it!

This is my mum !! No matter where she is, who she is with or what she is doing if her phone goes - which it does constantly, texts, WhatsApp messages, emails, ring door bell alerts ! Instantly its eyes on the phone totally zoned out doesn’t listen at all. Even if it’s an important convo we r having. She does it to everyone. I constantly tell her it’s really really rude but she doesn’t seem to care. We have better conversations if I just text her xxx

This would annoy me too. I would continue to go on about my business while she was on the phone. Actually it would give me a break having to entertain her the whole time. I would be mainly annoyed that she's taking up my time and invading my space when she could be elsewhere talking on the phone.

How old are your dc? If little, I’d give them pans and wooden spoons to beat as soon as she answers a call. I couldn’t stand this, it would drive me mad with the sheer rudeness of her.

Hi OP,
I agree this is terribly rude, especially if you have taken time to prepare food when you are already busy! I can’t see if you mentioned children - if they are teenagers - could you be cheeky and just say, ‘oh we have a new rule, when we sit down for meals- everyone puts their phones in a basket so we can all have an uninterrupted conversation’ so she has to follow suit!
I think it’s definitely her trying to convince you and show off that she is so busy and has sooo many friends, kinda sad actually.

Is she purposefully making out she's busy ? Why would she already know someone is going to call when she's there that's just weird. I'd be honest and ask her to put the phone away what's the point in her coming

She asked you so it’s your chance to answer. Keep the answer short, simple and polite. Txt her back: Let’s rearrange then, we prefer to see you when you are not taking calls. Would next Saturday suit you?
Do suggest a new date to move the conversation. She might come and take calls anyway you would need a plan for this situation. I personally am not sure that noise is a good idea, it will make you looking rude and unreasonable. If she suggests to be quieter tell her to go to a different room.

Not bitchy at all. OP simply trying to understand the behaviour. Could be interpreted as sympathy.