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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call him out for lying, if im not 100% sure?

37 replies

pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 16:22

Been dating a guy for about a month. I'm definitely still getting to know him and am not yet certain if I see it being long term, but I like him and am enjoying time with him. I've never had any cause for concern about his trustworthiness before.

I suspect he lied about several things today.

He cancelled plans with me but his excuse didn't align with the plan we had, timing-wise.

He claimed his phone kept switching off due to an error; but all my messages were delivering. We usually talk a lot during the day but he's basically gone AWOL, resurfacing every few hours to tell me his phone isn't working.

He said at 12 he was sending me lunch to apologise for cancelling. It didn't arrive by 1 so I followed up with him. At 1:30 he replied said his phone hadn't been working but yes he had indeed ordered it. When it arrived, it had the order time on the receipt was 1:28.

I'm torn on what to do.

I'm not attached enough to him to be particularly bothered but I don't like having my intelligence insulted.

That said, I can't be 100% he is was lying about any of it. Possibly his phone genuinely isn't working and that's why he hadn't ordered the food at 12 (he didn't say either way whether he'd ordered at 12, but implied he had).

Let's be honest though, if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck....

Can't even begin to work out how I approach this.

OP posts:
Original poster
pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 16:23

Should've added that when he has resurfaced, his texts have been about his broken phone and the fact he misses me and can't wait to see me next. So this isn't a ghosting situation.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 23/02/2023 16:25

If there is this much drama after a month…walk away

Eastereggsboxedupready · 23/02/2023 16:25

He was otherwise engaged

dudsville · 23/02/2023 16:27

Isn't the broken phone a well known ruse? My phone is old, sometimes I run the risk of running out of battery when I haven't anticipated it. I do something miraculous when this happens. I let my partner know my battery is runing out and what my availability is.

Now, you've only been together a month, but if he's playing phone trouble this early on then what's the point?

Gardenfullofwildlife · 23/02/2023 16:31

You sound rather needy.

Original poster
pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 16:33

Gardenfullofwildlife · 23/02/2023 16:31

You sound rather needy.

Because I'm annoyed at clearly being lied to?

OP posts:
HindsightIsWonderful · 23/02/2023 16:33

Don't be a dick @Gardenfullofwildlife

I had a situation much like this very early doors in a relationship. I didn't listen to my gut and he turned out to be a cheating wanker.

What's your gut telling you - listen to it.

Original poster
pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 16:34

HindsightIsWonderful · 23/02/2023 16:33

Don't be a dick @Gardenfullofwildlife

I had a situation much like this very early doors in a relationship. I didn't listen to my gut and he turned out to be a cheating wanker.

What's your gut telling you - listen to it.

I agree. Can't work out if I want to let him know I'm onto him though, or just walk away.

OP posts:
HindsightIsWonderful · 23/02/2023 16:35

If you ask him about it he'll lie again if he's hiding something which it sounds like he is.

From experience, I'd walk now and not suffer any hardship later.

whattodo1975 · 23/02/2023 16:38

Sounds like you are having waaaaay too much contact during the day time when i assume you are both at work.

Notimeforaname · 23/02/2023 16:39

Can't even begin to work out how I approach this.

Well you said he is clearly lying so you tell him "in not feeling this anymore I'd like to leave it here. Good luck".

Done. Why would you contemplate staying with someone who you know is a liar and youre not attached to.

Hankunamatata · 23/02/2023 16:40

Does it matter if his phone isn't working properly for a day?
He cancelled plans then probably forgot to order you lunch or order didn't go through.
Don't you trust him? Seems lots of over analysis for a new relationship

Original poster
pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 16:40

Notimeforaname · 23/02/2023 16:39

Can't even begin to work out how I approach this.

Well you said he is clearly lying so you tell him "in not feeling this anymore I'd like to leave it here. Good luck".

Done. Why would you contemplate staying with someone who you know is a liar and youre not attached to.

I'm not really! I'm just deciding whether to call him out for lying or walk away without explaining!

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 23/02/2023 16:41

Or he is working and has gotten into trouble for being on his phone too much

HindsightIsWonderful · 23/02/2023 16:42

If he was just working wouldn't he say that. The broken phone thing is the suspicious bit for me. Aren't phones broken or not? Is there such a thing as a part broken phone?

Original poster
pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 16:42

Hankunamatata · 23/02/2023 16:41

Or he is working and has gotten into trouble for being on his phone too much

He absolutely isn't working.

It makes me laugh how everyone on mumsnet assumes everyone has a 9-5.

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 23/02/2023 16:43

How much do you normally speak to each other through the day? I can't imagine having to apologise several times a day for not being able to speak on the phone. And why is he sending you lunch? And why would you complain when it doesn't arrive quickly? Why are you making him jump through these hoops, is this a potential relationship or a concierge service?

Mistressofnone · 23/02/2023 16:43

I'd wait til you see him next and then just laugh and say 'wtf was going on the other day?' He might be back to normal tomorrow and just had an off day. Or it will carry on and you can shrug it off and onto the next one.

Notimeforaname · 23/02/2023 16:43

I'm not really! I'm just deciding whether to call him out for lying or walk away without explaining!

Ah ok sorry!! I wouldn't tell him. He'd probably start calling you mad. Just tell him you're not actually feeling it anymore and youre done. It didn't work out.

AuntieDolly · 23/02/2023 16:47

Sounds like a Billy Bullshitter to me

Dartmoorcheffy · 23/02/2023 16:49

My phone is quite a new Samsung and was constantly freezing the other day and I had to keep restarting it. DP has had the same issue with his phone too.

Original poster
pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 16:49

FourTeaFallOut · 23/02/2023 16:43

How much do you normally speak to each other through the day? I can't imagine having to apologise several times a day for not being able to speak on the phone. And why is he sending you lunch? And why would you complain when it doesn't arrive quickly? Why are you making him jump through these hoops, is this a potential relationship or a concierge service?

This is so far from the truth it's hilarious.

We speak when we want to but not if we're busy.

I chased him up because he said 'don't make lunch, I'm sending you something!' And then it didn't arrive and he'd disappeared and I was starving, so I checked in before I cooked myself something.

OP posts:
Companyofwolves · 23/02/2023 19:16

You say he “disappeared” but got hold of him in half an hour?

Either you’re very needy /or you’re both used to replying immediately & a 10 minute lag is considered weird/suspect but given that whatever it is you’re this suspicious it doesn’t bode well.

Nobody likes being lied to - you seem convinced that the time the food was ordered is important.

Do you have trust issues? Lots of us do - just be careful you don’t let them interfere with things/distort the truth.

xJoy · 23/02/2023 19:20

Trust your intuition. He lied.

You don't need to do anything, just get turned off by lying. Then you won't need to have dialogues in your head, pros and cons of dumping this or waiting to be ghosted. Just get very turned off by what your intuition is telling you.

itsthefinalcountdown1 · 23/02/2023 19:24

pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 16:34

I agree. Can't work out if I want to let him know I'm onto him though, or just walk away.

Show quote history

Does it matter? Just dump him. It's been a month.