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AIBU?

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Original poster

To call him out for lying, if im not 100% sure?

37 replies

pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 16:22

Been dating a guy for about a month. I'm definitely still getting to know him and am not yet certain if I see it being long term, but I like him and am enjoying time with him. I've never had any cause for concern about his trustworthiness before.

I suspect he lied about several things today.

He cancelled plans with me but his excuse didn't align with the plan we had, timing-wise.

He claimed his phone kept switching off due to an error; but all my messages were delivering. We usually talk a lot during the day but he's basically gone AWOL, resurfacing every few hours to tell me his phone isn't working.

He said at 12 he was sending me lunch to apologise for cancelling. It didn't arrive by 1 so I followed up with him. At 1:30 he replied said his phone hadn't been working but yes he had indeed ordered it. When it arrived, it had the order time on the receipt was 1:28.

I'm torn on what to do.

I'm not attached enough to him to be particularly bothered but I don't like having my intelligence insulted.

That said, I can't be 100% he is was lying about any of it. Possibly his phone genuinely isn't working and that's why he hadn't ordered the food at 12 (he didn't say either way whether he'd ordered at 12, but implied he had).

Let's be honest though, if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck....

Can't even begin to work out how I approach this.

OP posts:
Experimentingwithbeads · 23/02/2023 20:30

Sorry op, you sound a bit like hard work. You’ve hardly been together any time and you’re already acting like a private detective to spy on him. Why would he need to lie to you about his phone being broken? I think just decide if you like him or not and if you do, just trust him? If you don’t, nothing ventured nothing gained?

Onnabugeisha · 23/02/2023 20:36

What he’s describing is exactly what happens when a phone battery goes bad. Your phone will show a charge of say 80% but then suddenly go dead and you put it back on charge and it stays dead for hours. This happens pretty randomly. It also might warm up your phone more than usual.

So, on that basis, I wouldn’t call him a liar. You don’t have any evidence he is lying. Yes people do lie and say their phone isn’t working as an excuse, but people also lie about being sick- that doesn’t mean people don’t get sick that they are always calling off work with a lie. The same with phone issues- phones can break down, they don’t last forever.

Lovemusic33 · 23/02/2023 20:36

Maybe his phone was broken? Phones do play up. It’s only been a month, I think it’s a bit early to be worried about such small things. I tend to give people 2 chances, if it happens again you know he’s not telling the truth. But if you feel something isn’t right then just walk away.

Original poster
pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 22:47

Lovemusic33 · 23/02/2023 20:36

Maybe his phone was broken? Phones do play up. It’s only been a month, I think it’s a bit early to be worried about such small things. I tend to give people 2 chances, if it happens again you know he’s not telling the truth. But if you feel something isn’t right then just walk away.

If his phone wasn't working (he said it kept switching off and wouldn't switch back on), my whatsapps would not have delivered. They delivered immediately each time.

OP posts:
Noonesperfect · 23/02/2023 22:50

@pantsronfire "If his phone wasn't working (he said it kept switching off and wouldn't switch back on), my whatsapps would not have delivered. They delivered immediately each time."

I had a problem like this with my phone. He could well be telling the truth.

Circumferences · 23/02/2023 22:53

You could just walk away with no explanation but it would be more fun to send him something cheeky like
"It's not working anymore, I prefer men who don't tell porkies, take care, don't contact me again"

Luoisa · 23/02/2023 22:54

It all sounds a bit full on.

Trudij123 · 23/02/2023 22:56

Much as I think you’ve already decided you want to walk, my phone for about a month or two now has moments where the screen goes black and I can’t get anything up at all. It still works - I can hear messages and phone calls when they come, but I can’t do anything until it’s been charged for half an hour or so and I do a forced reboot ( and even then it’s not a given that 30 mins is enough!!) it could be that his is doing that?

DontMakeMe · 23/02/2023 22:58

You seem to be over analysing and checking everything, ie how long he took to get back to you, what time he ordered lunch etc.

It all sounds far too full on!

SarahDippity · 23/02/2023 23:02

IMO you don’t sound needy or full-on. Someone promises you something, then leaves you in suspense. We all get busy, but if someone is over-promising (and why) then failing to follow through, it leaves you 🤷🏼‍♀️. He sounds like a messer. If he makes up stories about the minor things, how can you have confidence that he won’t leave you stood up on a date? I’d be unimpressed, and it’s the pretty basic stuff he’s failing on. And by that I mean, it’s not like you are setting a test to pass/fail him on - this is stuff he is setting up then failing to fulfil. I’d be feeling let down by this, and would be taking a cool look at his next move.

Original poster
pantsronfire · 23/02/2023 23:13

Trudij123 · 23/02/2023 22:56

Much as I think you’ve already decided you want to walk, my phone for about a month or two now has moments where the screen goes black and I can’t get anything up at all. It still works - I can hear messages and phone calls when they come, but I can’t do anything until it’s been charged for half an hour or so and I do a forced reboot ( and even then it’s not a given that 30 mins is enough!!) it could be that his is doing that?

This absolutely could be the case. Yes.

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 24/02/2023 23:16

My ex was like this - she turned out to be a compulsive liar which was fucking tedious to deal with.
In the bin he goes

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