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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not force DS to stay?

40 replies

cucumbersgalore · 23/02/2023 10:31

Myself and partner (father to my 2 children) split up over a year ago. He stayed in house, we moved in with my parents. DS (6) was already close to my parents but obviously in the year we've lived there formed a very close bond/attachment.
We are trying to give it another go, and I'm staying there a few nights a week. Last night DS got very upset, distressed and was actually I would say almost having an anxiety attack saying he didn't want to stay with us at his dads/our house and wanted his grandad.
He was so upset he was almost wretching.
Partner started shouting at him saying he was a naughty little boy with no discipline, and that's why he's like he is. He wasn't being naughty, he just didn't want to be there.
His dad shouted "you don't bloody want to be here (me) and neither do you (DS) so just leave" this was about 10pm. So I took the kids and went back to my dads. He didn't need to have that reaction? I'll admit I'm not a massive disciplinarian and my parents are soft, but he is a clever child who's doing well at school.
Was I unreasonable to go back to my parents last night?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 23/02/2023 10:32

Why on earth are you trying to restart this relationship??

Original poster
cucumbersgalore · 23/02/2023 10:33

@Wolfiefan he'd promised he would change, wouldn't over reacted and sulk like he used to..

OP posts:
golddustwomen · 23/02/2023 10:33

Your partner is the unreasonable one and if I were you this would be the end of my relationship with this man.

RoseslnTheHospital · 23/02/2023 10:33

Of course you were not unreasonable. Please don't continue a relationship with this man, who shouts at you and your (and his!) upset child in this way.

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 10:34

Sorry I’m co fused

you are giving it another go with a man who is abusive to your young son?

FetchezLaVache · 23/02/2023 10:34

The only unreasonable thing would be if you don't consider this the absolute, definitive end of your relationship with this man.

Hooklander · 23/02/2023 10:34

Of course not. Why do you feel you need to ask?

Please have the confidence to make the right decisions for your children and yourself.

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 10:34

cucumbersgalore · 23/02/2023 10:33

@Wolfiefan he'd promised he would change, wouldn't over reacted and sulk like he used to..

Well he’s proved you wrong at the first hurdle

FGS woman up op and put your children first

forrestgreen · 23/02/2023 10:35

Luckily he's just showed you he's incapable of change

MistyFrequencies · 23/02/2023 10:35

Stop trying to get back with him. Hea a fuckwit who treats your son and you badly.

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 10:35

I'll admit I'm not a massive disciplinarian and my parents are soft, but he is a clever child who's doing well at school.

You are weak and putting love life first
Your parents are brilliant
Your son seems very unhappy

Ladyoftheprom · 23/02/2023 10:36

forrestgreen · 23/02/2023 10:35

Luckily he's just showed you he's incapable of change

This

Isthisexpected · 23/02/2023 10:36

Your poor son. Are you in touch with any women's organisations? Your perception of what is normal and what isn't seems so skewed you need urgent professional help to ensure your own and your son's psychological safety. Your son is going to grow up not know what normal healthy emotions are and how they should be responded to. He'll never know the better life he could have had if this man wasn't his father.

FetchezLaVache · 23/02/2023 10:37

I mean, unless there are some additional needs you've not mentioned, your DS shouldn't react that badly to the prospect of being under his father's roof, especially with you there as well. Has he not been having overnight stays at his dad's since the split?

Justcallmebebes · 23/02/2023 10:37

cucumbersgalore · 23/02/2023 10:33

@Wolfiefan he'd promised he would change, wouldn't over reacted and sulk like he used to..

Well that didn't last long then!!

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 10:38

I’ll take a punt OP

Your parents aren’t happy about you “giving it another go”

Justcallmebebes · 23/02/2023 10:39

And what kind of shit father stays in the marital home, leaving their kids to bunk up with family members?

Wolfiefan · 23/02/2023 10:41

Well he lied.
In future if you EVER decide to go back to an ex you take it slowly. Date. Let them prove they have actually changed. Don’t move back in and drag your poor kid with you.

FictionalCharacter · 23/02/2023 10:45

Hopefully you’ve seen sense and that’s the end of giving it another go. Your poor child.

Poppyblush · 23/02/2023 10:53

He’s shown his true colours again….…

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 10:54

FictionalCharacter · 23/02/2023 10:45

Hopefully you’ve seen sense and that’s the end of giving it another go. Your poor child.

No chance sadly

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 10:55

The best out one would be for the Op to do whatever she likes and go ahead with giving it another go if she wishes

and leave the children at the grandparents to be brought up by them

WaltzingWaters · 23/02/2023 10:58

cucumbersgalore · 23/02/2023 10:33

@Wolfiefan he'd promised he would change, wouldn't over reacted and sulk like he used to..

Well he’s not doing too well with that promise is he. No wonder your DS doesn’t want to be there with him. No, YANBU to not make your DS leave and go back to that man. YABU to try getting back together with him. Put your children first.

interedin · 23/02/2023 10:58

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 10:34

Well he’s proved you wrong at the first hurdle

FGS woman up op and put your children first

Show quote history

Exactly this. Put your child first!

WentForAWalk · 23/02/2023 11:21

Well he hasn't changed has he. He is subjecting your child to abuse.

Protect your child and don't go back. Least your child has his head screwed on right.