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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not force DS to stay?

40 replies

cucumbersgalore · 23/02/2023 10:31

Myself and partner (father to my 2 children) split up over a year ago. He stayed in house, we moved in with my parents. DS (6) was already close to my parents but obviously in the year we've lived there formed a very close bond/attachment.
We are trying to give it another go, and I'm staying there a few nights a week. Last night DS got very upset, distressed and was actually I would say almost having an anxiety attack saying he didn't want to stay with us at his dads/our house and wanted his grandad.
He was so upset he was almost wretching.
Partner started shouting at him saying he was a naughty little boy with no discipline, and that's why he's like he is. He wasn't being naughty, he just didn't want to be there.
His dad shouted "you don't bloody want to be here (me) and neither do you (DS) so just leave" this was about 10pm. So I took the kids and went back to my dads. He didn't need to have that reaction? I'll admit I'm not a massive disciplinarian and my parents are soft, but he is a clever child who's doing well at school.
Was I unreasonable to go back to my parents last night?

OP posts:
mybunniesandme · 23/02/2023 11:22

Your son can clearly see/sense something you are blinded to

It's messing your children around emotionally to be doing this over a year down the road from your first split

TheSoapyFrog · 23/02/2023 11:27

YWNBU to go to your parents' house. YWBU to think about starting your relationship back up again. He promised you he would change. He has already broken that promise. He was verbally abusive to your son and to yourself. Why on earth would you want to inflict this willydribble of a man on your son again?
Put your son first here, you can see what effect this having on him. Think of the damage it will cause to uproot him again to live with an abusive father.

Cherrysoup · 23/02/2023 11:29

I cannot imagine why you would want to give it another go with this person. He can make all the promises in the world, but this is not a healthy relationship for your son, who absolutely must be your priority.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 23/02/2023 11:32

Your 6 year old is smart and you should pay attention to him. Move forward with your life, don't slide backwards into a failed relationship with an unpleasant man.

MrsRandom123 · 23/02/2023 11:34

YANBU to have gone back to your parents but YABU trying to restart the relationship with a man like that (there was clearly a reason you split!)

Eastereggsboxedupready · 23/02/2023 11:36

Well your ds has actually done you a huge favour hasn't he?
He is voting with his feet that df is frankly a bad man.

misskatamari · 23/02/2023 11:37

Well, you’d be unreasonable to continue with trying to rekindle this relationship! Absolute madness. You’ve already left this man, keep it that way! Anyone who can treat a child that way is NOT a good man. Please protect your children and don’t be blinded by empty promises. You would be a fool to enter back into a relationship with this man. You’ve already done the hard part by leaving

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 23/02/2023 11:38

Why are you trying to get back with a man who verbally abuses your child?

pinkdelight · 23/02/2023 11:48

Time to draw a line permanently. It's not about DS and your parents. Your ex should stay an ex. If you co-own the house, you need to deal with that, get your share out and set up for your own future with the DC.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/02/2023 12:09

TheSoapyFrog · 23/02/2023 11:27

YWNBU to go to your parents' house. YWBU to think about starting your relationship back up again. He promised you he would change. He has already broken that promise. He was verbally abusive to your son and to yourself. Why on earth would you want to inflict this willydribble of a man on your son again?
Put your son first here, you can see what effect this having on him. Think of the damage it will cause to uproot him again to live with an abusive father.

This.

Stay at your parents this time. Do not go back to this horribly abusive man.

Minimalme · 23/02/2023 12:58

It's not massive surprise that your ds doesn't want to be near his Dad, who shouts aggressively, is it?

Your son doesn't want to be near him. Follow his lead.

LadyJ2023 · 23/02/2023 13:06

Your messing with your kids heads that's what bless them cant blame them for acting up.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 23/02/2023 15:27

Not going to comment on if you should get back together with your ex… but will comment that it was a bad idea to involve your children in the reconciliation. Of course that wasn’t going to end well. I assume things weren’t ducky when you left and now you’re bringing them back into the relationship before it’s fully formed and stable? You should have treated this as a new relationship with a stranger and kept your kids out of it until you felt it was on solid footing.

Whatever happens with this situation, please don’t bring your kids into too soon in future relationships.

interedin · 23/02/2023 15:34

Where's OP?

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 15:36

interedin · 23/02/2023 15:34

Where's OP?

With her ex

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