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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Homeless Guy

46 replies

Shed66 · 23/02/2023 07:46

A few months ago a person reached out on on FB on behalf of a guy who’s relationship has recently ended & has since become homeless. He needed a power pack for his phone & a tent. I responded & met with him with both items & some money.
He since sent a FB friend request which I accepted but now, every couple of weeks he’s sending me messages requesting money. I would feel so guilty to refuse, so I’ve been giving him £10 each time. It’s not a lot but I only work part time & I’m in debt myself. It’s got to the point this person isn’t even responding once I’ve notified him that I’ve sent the money over to even say thank you. AIBU to feel used by this lack of appreciation?

OP posts:
Maireas · 23/02/2023 07:48

Donate it to Shelter and tell him that's what you're doing.

Dinkleberg · 23/02/2023 07:49

YANBU but please stop sending him money.

Funkyslippers · 23/02/2023 07:49

You're just going to have to say you're in debt and cannot afford any more. It would be madness to continue. You're not getting anything out of it are you?

AndTheSurveySays · 23/02/2023 07:50

Stop being a mug. He isn't your responsibility, he can claim benefits or work. Block him.

Donnashair · 23/02/2023 07:53

Tell him you can not afford to help him any longer.

Who put you in touch with him?

Is he not working? Did he work before? Point him the direction of shelter to get support for benefits etc. then cut contact.

BMW6 · 23/02/2023 07:54

Stop it OP. You cannot afford to support him (and who knows how many others are?).

You've done your bit. Tell him you can't continue and unfriend so he can't message you again.

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 23/02/2023 07:55

YABU. You can’t be angry at him. He’s asking and you’re saying yes.

If you can’t afford it, don’t give it.

icelollycraving · 23/02/2023 07:56

You tried to be nice but you’re being taken for a mug. Next request say no, you can’t send more as you can’t afford it.

monomatapea · 23/02/2023 07:57

Why do you keep giving them money? Are they pressuring you?

00100001 · 23/02/2023 07:57

Just block his number, he isnt your responsibility

HereForTheFreeLunch · 23/02/2023 07:57

Bet you the tent and power pack is sold by now.

00100001 · 23/02/2023 07:58

Do you actually know if he's homeless?

00100001 · 23/02/2023 07:58

icelollycraving · 23/02/2023 07:56

You tried to be nice but you’re being taken for a mug. Next request say no, you can’t send more as you can’t afford it.

So that, block him before he can ask!

ChaToilLeam · 23/02/2023 07:58

You’re being taken for a ride. Just say you can’t do it any more. Which is true, you’re in debt. I wonder how many other people are doing similar?

gamerchick · 23/02/2023 07:59

Just block him. He'll know why and move on to the next person he can rinse.

I'd also give both barrels to the person who 'reached out' to you in the first place. They obviously think you're a mug.

Original poster
Shed66 · 23/02/2023 08:02

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 23/02/2023 07:55

YABU. You can’t be angry at him. He’s asking and you’re saying yes.

If you can’t afford it, don’t give it.

I’m not angry. I feel feel guilty if I say no but sending me long messages requesting money & not acknowledging once I have is making me feel taken advantage of. I just wanted to know if my feelings are justified or if I’m being unreasonable in how I feel, that’s all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shed66 · 23/02/2023 08:04

00100001 · 23/02/2023 07:58

Do you actually know if he's homeless?

Yes definitely is.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 23/02/2023 08:06

Just block him, but send a message first saying you're unable to give him any money, that you wish him well but your involvement with him has now ended.

Also, it's very unprofessional of the person to put you in touch with a homeless person directly to "help them". I hope they're not working for a charity because I think what they've done is very dubious.

Doingmybest12 · 23/02/2023 08:07

You've been kinder than most would be and have done your bit. I would now block him . If it helps send him links to helpful organisations then block him. There is always something or someone to feel guilty about , you can't solve everything and you've done what you can..

Dacadactyl · 23/02/2023 08:08

Shed66 · 23/02/2023 08:02

I’m not angry. I feel feel guilty if I say no but sending me long messages requesting money & not acknowledging once I have is making me feel taken advantage of. I just wanted to know if my feelings are justified or if I’m being unreasonable in how I feel, that’s all.

Show quote history

And this is going to sound awful but...no one in his family is helping him because this is how he behaves...take, take, take.

I'm not saying all homeless people are in rhat situation because of how they are (and yes, a lot of their problems may be down to a bad childhood etc), but from what I've seen, they're very good at not taking responsibility.

And I suspect you're funding a drug habit too.

supersonicginandtonic · 23/02/2023 08:09

There are services out there to help the homeless, there will be places he can go to access showers, clean clothes and hot meals. There will also be shelters open at this time of the year. If he wants it the help is out there.
One thing I will say, is please anybody, do not give the homeless money. Either give it to a charity that supports them or buy them food or drinks etc.

POTC · 23/02/2023 08:10

A few weeks ago I was in a very similar situation, gave a tent to a man living on the streets. He refused any offers of money and having now got himself a room in a sheltered housing unit he is volunteering at the charity shop I run and at another in the town who also helped him when he needed it most. He still refuses any offers of help.

Your one is taking the piss.

Ohdearnotagain76 · 23/02/2023 08:11

Is their any local churches or similar that do soup kitchens? If so point him in that direction or if you have the homeless wardens or even a pcso can you tell them your concerned for his welfare and where he is, then they can hopefully help/support him. Can he not use his friends address and claim benefits? He needs help and you've done a wonderful thing but it's now time to draw a line under it.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 23/02/2023 08:13

YANBU, and you need to stop giving him money. I don't blame him for asking, since you have effectively trained him to ask by being so kind.

Next time just say "I wish I could help but I only work part time and I'm struggling myself. I won't be able to help any more."

Aprilx · 23/02/2023 08:27

Shed66 · 23/02/2023 08:02

I’m not angry. I feel feel guilty if I say no but sending me long messages requesting money & not acknowledging once I have is making me feel taken advantage of. I just wanted to know if my feelings are justified or if I’m being unreasonable in how I feel, that’s all.

Show quote history

You need to do more than “feel” he is taking advantage of you. He is taking advantage of you. Just stop it. Delete him from Facebook and ignore any other attempts to contact you.

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