Homeless Guy

[Shed66]

A few months ago a person reached out on on FB on behalf of a guy who’s relationship has recently ended & has since become homeless. He needed a power pack for his phone & a tent. I responded & met with him with both items & some money.
He since sent a FB friend request which I accepted but now, every couple of weeks he’s sending me messages requesting money. I would feel so guilty to refuse, so I’ve been giving him £10 each time. It’s not a lot but I only work part time & I’m in debt myself. It’s got to the point this person isn’t even responding once I’ve notified him that I’ve sent the money over to even say thank you. AIBU to feel used by this lack of appreciation?

You’re being a mug.

Maireas she can't donate any more if she's in debt

Your feelings are very much justified OP, for him to send long, guilt inducing messages to ask for money and then not give a thank you so much I've received it, is terrible. Either block him now or wait till he asks for money and say sorry I am unable to send anymore now. Do you see him out and about? He's not a friend and you did a very kind thing helping him out initially but no more now. Xx

He sounds like a complete loser. A very rude one at that. Block him and reassure yourself you've done more than enough for him.

What a lovely thing to have done, you brilliant human being! You have done what you can now, I would block him and not send any more funds. You could send a nice message before explaining you are in financial difficulty yourself and with a phone number for a charity that might be able to help in the future. Don't feel guilty, you have been so kind.

Save your money, then you can pay for the removal of the tattoo on your forehead that says “Ask me for Free Money”

Stop giving him money immediately. If you want to help the homeless you should never give them direct assistance through money, food or clothing, you should donate to a homelessness charity instead.

Whilst your in debt though you shouldn't even do that, your first responsibility should be to get out of debt.

You can't afford to give this money. Stop thinking you have to give a stranger money. YABU for that.

Agree with others that you need to stop giving him many. Having worked at a homelessness charity, many people sleeping rough and complex needs and the support they need is equally complex. Personally, I’d just message that you are in debt and not able to give any more but wish him well. If you report his sleeping location on streetlink, your LA or a local homelessness charity will make contact to explore possible support - they will have the skills, the resources, the knowledge and the links to help him in wider ways than you can. And also the professional boundaries that allow them to step back when the time isn’t right to support someone into housing or are not able to move forward.

personally I wouldn’t feel like a mug though. You’ve tried to help. That’s never a bad thing. Just now you need to do that differently. Sometimes feeling someone is there for them is a real turning point for someone sleeping rough. But yeah, next time I would give (time or money) to a local charity rather than direct personally.

You sound lovely OP .Sadly there are always people who want to take advantage.Just block and say you cannot give any more (COL crisis has caught up with you) and dont have any more to do with him.Maybe some money to Shelter or Crisis at Christmas or whatever .

You're a mug.
Block him.

And that's exactly why you are being taken for a fool. Wise up. It's these misguided acts of kindness that fuel antisocial begging in communities by drug users. They were asking for a power pack and a tent, not money. You created this yourself. If you want to help the homeless donate money to a homeless charity. You're not going to help them by feeding potential drug habits. You probably give money to beggars outside shops because you think you're being kind, without even thinking that you might actually be part of the problem. I once tried to intervene when a well known drug addict was taking advantage of old ladies outside Sainsbury's and got a mouthful of abuse from one old lady because apparently it doesn't hurt to be kind. Giving beggars money they will probably spend on drugs isn't being kind. It's killing them. If you wouldn't invite a heroin dealer to your house to buy smack for an addict, then don't give them money in the street. Giving him money isn't getting him off the streets, it's keeping him there.

YABU to ask such a ruddy obvious question

YANBU to be so kind initially

This scrounger is clearly taking you for a ride. Block him on Facebook and any other channels. It's rather worrying that you went out to meet him. Look after yourself and if you've got plenty of money to give away, then give it to a charity that is close to your heart.

This guy is scamming you and no doubt laughing his socks off at your gullibility. Sorry for being honest.

I’m not sure if this is replying to the correct person. I met him because I did a bit of homework on him before hand. He is homeless in my home town. The person who reached out to connect me with him has a couple of mutual friends. I contacted one of our mutual friends to see what he knew if anything & he knows the homeless guy. He isn’t a drug user. I would’nt have given money if he was, the money is genuinely for food. I’ve never given money to a homeless person before though I have bought essentials & food for many.

Find a local homeless charity, rather than a big national one, and donate to them if you really want to. Your donation is much more likely to reach homeless people directly through people who are better placed to help. But given your situation I wouldn’t be donating at all, you need to make sure you are secure before helping others.

Block the homeless man, just because he’s homeless doesn’t mean he isn’t taking the piss.

You've done your bit. Wish him well and say you're going to cut the connection now and then block him. Don't feel guilty for doing more than most.

I think your message may have been for me. Because I questioned why you would meet someone alone. Despite you knowing him through others, I don't comment on red flags, I am trying to tell you with certainty that scams are scams, they manipulate they guilt trick constantly with tale of woe and use things you may mention to look into you to research the things that make you tick and they use it to very effective success.

That's what I don't get about mumsnet. People such as yourself don't actually give the full picture. Now you say that he is connected to others you know. Personally? You need to distance yourself from these people. They are using you and you are being naive. If you were to message this person and categorically state that there will be no further money or favours coming his way..... then hun, get back on here and let all of know what happened.
Please keep yourself safe. I cant do anymore than state the obvious. Youre being used and unbeknownst to you, 'abused' in the subtle way people use to guilt trip you into helping them. Tell him to fuck off. Get urself some nice friends not users and abusers in society. From my perspective..... i do so hope this bleeder has a few holes in his purported tent.... and the heavens open 🤣

I have blocked him. I didn’t give a chance to have a conversation about it as I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to guilt me further or post anything negative on my socials. Thank you to everyone that contributed to this conversation, I did take on board all comments even the not so pleasant ones… I need to stop being a mug in many aspects of my life & this has made me realise I am allowed to say no! So thank you.

Good for you Mrs, you have a huge heart and he was a leech x

Well done OP! You have been very kind but it's important to know when to stop. Saying no can be a very positive thing, having boundaries is really important.