DS dad not taking him to class

[Springawakenings]

Paid for my DS who's 6 to have 4 skiing lessons. 1 per week. He goes to his dad's every other weekend. I've been every week because I want to support him and his dad has taken him once. It was an effort to get his dad to bring him to skiing and my son started saying he didn't want to go anymore and it wasn't the hobby for him which he hadn't said before.

This weekend is the last session and it's his dad's turn to bring him. My son last week was so happy that he ticked off loads of skills on his card and has said he wants to complete the card. His dad has now said he's not taking him and they are now going out for the day with his family (this normally never happens).

AIBU to be really annoyed. His dad is so self centred in everything he does. He's promised our son so much in the past and never followed through. He was abusive to me and that's why I left. He's just a bully and I think he's put in our sons head about not doing it as its an inconvenience to him to take him.

What do I do?

Did you and the dad agree to this plan before it was arranged?

If not, I can see why he’s chosen a family activity over something your son has said he doesn’t want to do.

You cannot make decisions about what happens on dad's contact time.

Presumably seeing family is also important for your son. Dad only sees him every other weekend so has to make decisions on what to prioritise during the time.

What do I do?

Let it go. Stop trying to control your sons life with his father.

There is nothing you can do other than ask if the classes can be every other week. An abusive man isnt going to suddenly put soneone else first. With the current arrangement youve handed him some power to piss you off.

phone the ski centre. Tell then the father is a knob and refuses to bring him because he cannot be arsed. can he have his lessons every week?

You can't arrange things for his time without his agreement. That's actually quite manipulative and controlling

Presumably seeing family is also important for your son..

^ no this is clearly about control and what the Dad prioritises. He's selfish and there's nothing you can do!

You don’t do anything. When it’s his contact time it’s his choice how to spend it.

Book activities on your own time only.

Dad has decided that his son seeing his family is a priority. What's wrong with that? He goes skiing with his mum the rest of the time.

Sorry but you can’t decide what the dad does with your ds on weekends he has him. Did you two agree to the skiing lessons before ds started them? I understand you’re paying for them but your ex may have plans already in mind for each weekend and your ds may not want to go the weekends he’s with his dad.

I agree. I couldn't imagine only seeing my DC every other weekend and then being TOLD what we are doing during that time.

You can’t do much.

You could appeal to his better nature by saying it’s the last session and you won’t book any more on weekends but please could DS finish the course?

You could phone the ski centre and ask if DS can have the final session in a different group on a different day.

Or you can accept he will miss this session and that’s that.

I agree with the others saying you can't dictate what happens in your ex's time.

Is his dad ever going to take him skiing or is this something you decided he would like? Agree with PP, activities need to be agreed first if you want him to take DC on his weekend.

Move the last lesson to next weekend

Yes we both agreed about the skiing before the lessons begun

You can dictate what he foes during his time. This is why a co-parenting relationship is so important. Kids from split homes deserve the same chance as any other kids to go to clubs and have fun.

My kids' dad was an ass. We didnt see him for almost 5 years so when he came back into their lives, he had to fit in to the way things were. But now it is years later, the kids are older and want to do more stuff so we talk about clubs/lessons before booking anything to ensure we can both manage it if we have the kids those days. Obviously we miss the occasional class but that's fine. We dont dictate to one another and the kids are old enough to know we have to check that logistics work.

With the skiing lessons, it doesnt sound like a course. It sounds like you can just book individual lessons. Why didnt you book them only on your time?

Can you son not tell his dad he really wants to go?

He sees him quite alot. Average 3 nights per week.
Knowing his dad he probably isn't even going out with family and just wants to go to his own hobby which he normally does on a Saturday morning and his mum watches DS

The ski lessons were agreed with his dad before they begun. He said he was happy to take him originally. I even asked him if it was OK to book and he said yea. I didn't just book them without consulting him

Then rearrange the lesson.

Ignore the typos in my previous post. I meant can't not can!

It's a 4 week course. After that the course restarts with different children. If he doesn't complete the course he can't continue onto the next stage if DS wishes to.

Ah. Then that is different and I see why you are angry. Apologies- I'd assumed he hadn't agreed to the lessons from your OP.

There's still not anything you can do. Just don't book/pay for anything on dad's weekends going forwards.

YANBU he sounds like a selfish arse.

Agreeing to them being booked then Changing his mind, most likely because it inconveniences him or finds it boring after you have paid for them is the manipulative and controlling behaviour here.

Thats quite shit tbh but you can’t force him to. Can you pick him up and take him instead. It’s not idea but at least your son won’t miss out.

It's a shame but now you know he won't stick to arrangements for clubs etc on his weekends so don't book them.

I just feel so sad for my DS. He's going to miss out in future as now I know he can't do things continuously on weekends. I had no option for any other day for the lessons. This was the only day.

Wish his dad wasn't this way