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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DD is upset about childcare

67 replies

Fifops · 22/02/2023 22:41

Hi,
AIBU This half term I’ve had a few days annual leave but back to work for two days. I have booked my DD (11) and DS (9) on to a multi sport kids club between 9am-3pm whilst I am at work. My DS is looking forward to it but my DD is so annoyed with me, saying she doesn’t want to go and she will hate it, full attitude and disbelief. I normally wing childcare with friends and family but have come up short this half term. It’s for her age group and she is very active. My only other option was to send them to a holiday club at a nursery! It’s two days and I believe she shouldn’t be left at home all day when she is in primary school. I think she will
have a good time…..help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fifops · 23/02/2023 07:14

@JudgeRudy we did discuss her going and she was fine about it. She is also too young to stay home on her own, even with a friend.

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/02/2023 07:18

I sympathise with her - 11 is bordering on too old for these kinds of clubs. I remember having to attend at that age and I was always the oldest by a good year or two and I hated it.

Saying that, if you have to work, there's not really much choice. Next holiday, I would maybe see if she could go to a friends for the day though, and you then return the favour on one of your days off.

monomatapea · 23/02/2023 07:19

HeddaGarbled · 22/02/2023 23:11

You can insist she has to go whilst still being sympathetic. Insisting she’ll enjoy it is probably counterproductive: I’d go with “yeah, sorry, but there weren’t any other options. I’ll make it up to you on the other days”.

I agree with this. Tell her it was this or the baby club. Don't just tell her "tough"? She's 11 she needs to be listened to as you would an adult otherwise how will she learn to adult.

winningeasy · 23/02/2023 07:31

Bless her, just empathy and understanding and offer lots of cuddles

'I'm sorry you're not looking forward to it, i know you'd prefer to be with me, but I have to work, I'd much rather be with you trust me, I love hanging out with you. It's 2 days and then we can have x day together, we could do A or B, what would you like to do?'

Original poster
Fifops · 23/02/2023 07:33

Thanks everyone! I’ll make sure we have a good chat and hopefully she will have a good day. I’ll try other options next time if needs be.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 23/02/2023 07:34

I'd let her stay at home if she'd rather.

winningeasy · 23/02/2023 07:35

Also think 11 is ok for a child to be at home.

rainyalan · 23/02/2023 07:36

Is your DD is primary or high school? My son is 11 and in high school and stays home during the day when I'm at work for 5 hours.

OoooohMatron · 23/02/2023 07:38

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/02/2023 22:43

This is one of the situations where "tough titty" is the only response.

This

89ghud · 23/02/2023 07:39

Is she year 6 or year 7?

follyfoot37 · 23/02/2023 07:39

Bunce1 · 22/02/2023 22:42

Totally normal and she will like it when she is there and if she doesn’t then you can deal with that.

Arrogant statement. You cannot possibly know if this child will like it or not.
Forcing a child like this is cruel

follyfoot37 · 23/02/2023 07:40

Danneigh · 22/02/2023 22:46

Shes in high school in Sept? I'd leave her home alone whilst checking in on her throughout the day. I wouldn't book a sports thing without checking she wanted to. (I'll prob get flamed but whatevs).

hear, hear

NEmama · 23/02/2023 07:42

I'd leave my DD home. Depends on the child

WordtoYoMumma · 23/02/2023 07:43

I agree with other posters that this is "just the way it is" and you need to tell your daughter that. It's hard, but life can't always be exactly what we want and if you have to work, you have to work!

My daughter used to hate after school club, but she had to go twice a week as there was no other option, I was working. She never really stopped moaning about it but "it is what it is" became quite the mantra in our house 😂

Don't feel guilty! It's two days. She'll survive 😉

linelgreen · 23/02/2023 07:47

You are the parent so you make the rules and she needs to accept this. If she won't do what you say at age 11 then what hope have you to make her follow household rules at 15/16.

Danneigh · 23/02/2023 07:52

Their independence changes so much when they go to high school, there's nothing wrong with starting to allow that from time to time now and prepare her for the responsibility of high school.

Defaultsettings · 23/02/2023 07:54

To those saying “I’d leave mine at home”, it’s irrelevant.

I would happily have left one of mine at home at 11, but the other was far too irresponsible to be left.

SpringIsSpringing23 · 23/02/2023 08:13

I would have hated that at her age, and even now. Those saying she'll love it when she's there...I wouldn't have.

Hankunamatata · 23/02/2023 08:22

You tell her you unstestand she is upset but you have to work, this is life.

Stompythedinosaur · 23/02/2023 09:59

Yeah, I have an 11 year old who would be equally unenthusiastic, but knows that she unfortunately had to go to childcare sometimes. I appreciate it is not fun for her, but she is old enough to link me and her df having to work with affording the things we need in life. My response is "I'm sorry, but there isn't another choice."

leccybill · 23/02/2023 09:59

It's a good life lesson, sometimes we have to do things we're not that keen on.

MrsRaspberry · 23/02/2023 11:35

Shes 11 its 2 days she'll get over it. If there were more favourable options for her I'm sure OP would have taken one of those rather than book her into paid childcare. Shes too young to be left home for a whole working shift to be honest if it was an hour to pop off shopping it'd be fine depending on how mature and trustworthy she is to be left home for a short period of time. Explain to her that you need to work in order to pay the bills and buy essentials in the home

Figgygal · 23/02/2023 11:41

I'm lucky my 11 year old loves sports clubs id much rather him be there being active than sitting home on devices while I work all day (even if I am here)

I'm assuming come September once in high school that's the end of clubs So making most of it.

I expect she'll be fine once there

Luckyduc · 23/02/2023 11:44

As someone else said, your daughter starts the big school in September, you need to trust her at some point and she is safer in the home with rules than what's to come.

I was left in the house at age 11....6 hours isn't long, but my parents did phone a few times and I had numbers available if I needed them, doors locked, and understood to go to my next door neighbour if anything was wrong or pick up the phone.
I wasn't allowed to use the cooker, but was allowed the microwave and my parents often had pasta or something left over to heat up for lunch. I was OK playing my playstation, or watching a film, reading with music on as I hated sitting in a quiet house.

Paq · 23/02/2023 11:54

It's tough because she is just on the cusp of being old enough to be at home on her own. Tbh my 11 year old would have been absolutely fine on her own for a day for that long - she wold stay in bed until 10, then walk up to see her loan horse and spend 3 hours taking selfies with him, then eat an eclectic lunch in front of Netflix.