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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my children share a room

43 replies

Squishsquashh · 22/02/2023 22:02

I live in a council house. I have been bidding for 3 years for a bigger place. I have two children one girl teen one boy who is a toddler.
My house is in desperate need of refreshing but ive held off as I wanted to keep the money towards the new house. This is looking less and less likely as time goes on.

Currently my daughter has the big room, her brother was in his cot with me in my room. He has grown out of his cot, and needs a bed. I have spoken to my daughter and she said she wouldnt mind sharing a room but i know teenagers need their space.

Do i refresh my house knowing I could move from anytime now until forever.
Do i move the kids in together? In bunk beds? The room is not big enough to separate. I have also thought about giving up the living room or buying a sofa bed but I dont know how good they are to sleep on long term. Am i being selfish? I just dont know the best thing to do. What would any of you do?

OP posts:
Savoretti · 22/02/2023 22:05

Could you have a day bed in the sitting room?

mast0650 · 22/02/2023 22:08

I'd keep you son in with you but have the bigger room. Give your daughter her privacy but a smaller room. It's nice of her to say they can share, but it doesn't immediately seem like the best option to me. Doesn't she want to use her room in the evenings after he has gone to bed? Or sleep in later after he wakes?

gamerchick · 22/02/2023 22:08

Tart it up and do an exchange with someone?

Ostryga · 22/02/2023 22:09

Give up your bedroom for your teen and sleep on a (decent!) sofa bed with mattress topper.

A teenager and a toddler cannot what that’s not fair at all to either of them.

JaninaDuszejko · 22/02/2023 22:09

I think since your daughter is OK with it the children sharing the room is by far and away the best option. My DDs share even though we have a 4 bed house. Not sure why peoole are so anti children sharing.

FawnFrenchieMum · 22/02/2023 22:10

I would find any solution other than a toddler and teen sharing a room.
She says it’s ok now but the reality will be totally different.

bravelittletiger · 22/02/2023 22:10

I'm confused about what doing work has to do with it? How would doing work on the house affect the number of bedrooms?

I agree with a PP and think you and your son need to continue to share even if it means you share a bed with him. It's not fair to expect a teenager to share with a toddler even if she has very sweetly said it's ok.

Bilboard · 22/02/2023 22:10

Yes, I'd have a day bed in living room and leave your toddler in your current bedroom. You can always have a wardrobe in his bedroom with your clothes etc.

Original poster
Squishsquashh · 22/02/2023 22:11

I have tried to swap but i live in a second floor maisonette so no one wants this.
I also feel like a living room is important for family time etc so dont want to give that up. However a decent sofa bed is expensive and I’ve not long had this sofa.

Maybe a day bed would be better going forward

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 22/02/2023 22:11

Keep your child in with you? They are only a toddler! My 5 year old is still in my room. Toddlers don’t NEED their own rooms.

WiIson · 22/02/2023 22:11

I think I'd give her the smaller room and take bigger room with toddler if that's possible. I think teens need their own space if possible.

Original poster
Squishsquashh · 22/02/2023 22:13

I would keep him in with me except his dad also sleeps in the bed. He’s 3 and grown out of his cot. It’s uncomfortable in a tiny room with a toddler. I would much rather sleep in the living room than continue to share beds with him!

Also the work needed doing to the house is just a secondary thought. If everyone moved rooms etc they would need redecorating. We’re just in limbo at the moment

OP posts:
ZiriForEver · 22/02/2023 22:14

Two siblings sharing a room isn't unheard of. Put them together, and let your DD know that if she wants a quiet place during the day, she can use your room. Similarly in the evening, when DS sleeps and you two will want separate spaces, you still have two areas. Be a bit flexible and it will be ok.

SpinningFloppa · 22/02/2023 22:15

You don’t need to share a bed? Get a toddler bed…

JuneWind · 22/02/2023 22:15

Hmm yeah I’m not sure a teenage girl should be sharing with a toddler, if possible to avoid. Especially when teens start to sleep in late and toddlers wake at the crack of dawn!

Either move your teen to the smaller room and you and toddler share a large room, or you move to a sofa bed in living room, with clothes etc in toddlers room.

JennyDarlingRIP · 22/02/2023 22:16

Is there room for a toddler bed in your room? Not ideal but at least he wouldn't be in bed with you

mum11123 · 22/02/2023 22:19

Another vote here for give teen the smaller room and you share the bigger room with your toddler

Itisbetter · 22/02/2023 22:24

www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/how-to-divide-a-shared-kids-room--257549672430089690/

something like this.

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/02/2023 22:27

Take the bigger room and share it with your son.

The age gap is far to big for them to share.

Nevermind31 · 22/02/2023 22:27

So this is not just about you and the toddler, but you, DP and your son?
i would put the teenager on the smaller room, and get a bed for the toddler with you, maybe use a curtain or something to offer everyone some privacy?

Testina · 22/02/2023 22:32

“I would keep him in with me except his dad also sleeps in the bed.”

Your first post sounded like you were single!

Is your bedroom too small to split as well? I’d look at you and your boyfriend in the smaller bedroom, and partitioning the bigger one for the children.

Also look at partitioning the living space into 2 bedroom, with the large bedroom becoming a smaller living area. Might still be big enough - all on one level in a maisonette, so potentially very workable.

SpinningFloppa · 22/02/2023 22:34

I thought the op was a single parent too

pizzaHeart · 22/02/2023 22:36

How old is your daughter?

32WindsorGardensBinLorry · 22/02/2023 22:51

How lovely of your daughter to say she doesn’t mind! But it may be practically difficult. Presumably toddler goes to bed much earlier than her (and gets up earlier?). It would be nice for her to have somewhere to be in the evenings or if he’s napping etc.

You and DP presumably only really need to sleep in your room rather than spend leisure time so either toddler in with you or daybed in the living room.

IKEA Hemnes daybeds come up on Market place quite a bit I think. I guess he’s a bit small for bunk bed with you? You quite often see those ones that are double on the bottom and single on top but you might be able to get the other way round.

Snugglemonkey · 22/02/2023 22:53

JaninaDuszejko · 22/02/2023 22:09

I think since your daughter is OK with it the children sharing the room is by far and away the best option. My DDs share even though we have a 4 bed house. Not sure why peoole are so anti children sharing.

I am not anti children sharing, however I do not think it is suitable in this case, due to the large age gap and clashing needs of the children involved.

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